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Just a snapshot. I lived with my very first real girlfriend from 18 to 25… I loved her emotionally and as a person…. we came from such different words, and she introduced me to such things as trust and kindness. I had not seen these things up close or consistently… few and far between. I sometimes would get this surreal sence that our life took place on the set of Leave it to Beaver, lol.
Anywho, to dive in, things were already shaky between us at the end, and she came home unexpectedly to find me lying on the coach, naked expect for my secret panties( I kept tucked at the back of my sock drawer… ya, that’ll fool her!!) enjoying myself.
A thousand images whirled through my mind. I am mortified, she will never be able to see me as a man again, let alone her man. Some people are cut and dried, unlike ourselves. Long ol’ story short, we did the standard breakup/makeup for a year, then she dumped me.
I got a strong sense from my sister, Wendy that Michelle had said something to her about the incident… I was too bummed a the time, and didn’t have the energy to give a shit just then. But as time went by and I began to heal up, I began to draw comfort from her reaction to this. Up until then I assumed they would judge and reject me. As round about the topic as that convo with my sister was that day, 27 years ago, it was the first time my shoulders relaxed since I was nine…. they didn’t hate me!!! They just didn’t know what the right thing was to say.
With the hindsight that comes with time, it has shown and proved itself to be a major turning point in my life, and my very first step toward accepting my “deviant” ideas about sexuality, and the unforgivable “sin” of being born primarily gay/trans….
Whew, that’s a load off!! Anyway, that’s my turning point story 🙂
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