What can I do with my partner about sex, advice please!

  • Creator
  • #110495
    uT gh4K33

    Hello, everyone! I’m new around here and I came looking for advice.

    I’m a transexual man and I’m now in a relationship with a cis man. I have a lot of trauma regarding sex and he’s helping me through it. I spent 10 years of my life denying myself any kind of relationship because I wasn’t in a good place to deal with the trauma, but now I’m ready.

    I look completely manly and I had my breast removed years ago, but I’m not going ahead with the bottom surgery for a lot of reasons. Still, I have severe disphoria. Last time we were together (we live in different cities) I practiced oral sex on my partner, but that’s it. Can anyone with disphoria give me some ideas about what else can we try next time? I really want this to work.

    Feel free to ask anything, thank you!

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  • Author
    • #116575

      Hi uT , i hope its all right to call you by that . I don’t find talking about sex problems offensive . When i started to were women’s clothes and pretty much tossed all my male stuff i came to realize the new roll i was to assume in a relationship . I would find nothing wrong in being the submissive one with a trans woman or cis male , if i care for this person , i want to love someone and be loved by someone , sex will be the icing on the cake as it is said . If i love someone and i am expected to take the submissive roll in our relationship i’m ready to be this person . uT i think the real question is your feelings about this man , do you love him , does he love you ? This is what we are all looking for , isn’t it ? The sex part will work out with your and his understanding of each others feelings on this . You deserve honesty and a good relationship in this . I wish you the best and we here are always ready to help . Leslie

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #116504

      I’ve had struggles similar to this with my past partners as well. I think it’s a good idea to have open and detailed conversations with your partner about boundaries and even about things you may be curious about/want to try. Create a safe and open space between you and your partner, try news things and see if you like them. If you don’t, no big deal.

      At the end of the day it’s all in what you and your partner are comfortable with and enjoy doing.


      Hope this helps a bit.

    • #110549
      DeeAnn Hopings

      I think one of the issues, at least for me personally, is a need to keep discussions at a high level. For example, we can use clinical terms for body parts, or we can use slang terms. I think when we use slang terms it is very easy for a conversation to devolve, and that would not be good. I think when we use clinical terms we tend to put a bit more thought into what we are writing.

      Anyway, this is purely my opinion and is not intended to represent site policy…

    • #110517
      uT gh4K33

      Well, thanks for the reply, Michelle. I agree about the name, I should change it. But I don’t agree about not speaking openly about my strugles. Sex is difficult for anyone transexual, why should it be tabboo? I didn’t say anything offensive, I’m only speaking about a problem I have. And I’m working really hard to be able to speak about things regarding sex, so… no, I’m not going to delete this or apologize. If people are not comfortable answering this post, well, bad luck, I’ll look somewhere else or maybe I’ll try in the chat like you mention.

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