What Should My Daughter Call Me?

What Should My Daughter Call Me?

I could use some input on what my daughter should call me after I start living as female full time.

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  • Faith
  • a version of mom
  • Dad
  • something else

This topic contains 7 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Stephanie Kennedy 1 week ago.

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #35260

    Faith Weber
    Participant

    I haven’t fully transitioned yet. I’m not living as female full time yet but hopefully will be soon. I am having a big dilemma. Once I am living as female full time I don’t know what to tell my 9 year old daughter to call me. If she still calls me “Dad” that’s perfectly fine with me I don’t want to make her call me anything she isn’t comfortable with but at the same time I would like something more feminine. Now, here is my dilemma: her mother, who I am not with but we are friends and communicate a lot, absolutely refuses to let me have any derivative of the word “mom”. No mama. No mommy. No ma. Nothing like that. She said she doesn’t know what to tell our daughter to call me so she just told her to call me by my name. My daughter says she wouldn’t feel right still calling me “Dad” once I am living as female. She doesn’t want to hurt my feelings but at the same time she doesn’t want to upset her mom either by calling me a derivative of “mom”. When I asked her mom about this I said I wanted to respect her and not tell our daughter to call me something related to “mom” without talking to her first and she said “I’m her only mom”. So for now we just decided to have her call me by my name, Faith. But that doesn’t feel right because there is the respect aspect of not calling your parents by their name. Is my daughter’s mother being unreasonable? Since our divorce she has since remarried and my daughter calls her stepdad “Dad”. She has been since long before my transition and coming out and no one ever asked me if it was OK. I am not good with confrontations and when I talk about something important to me I tend to cry a lot and I know when it gets closer to me going full time my ex and I need to talk about this again and I am afraid it will turn bad and I’ll give up just to avoid conflict and say it’s OK for her to call me Faith. Am I less of a woman if my daughter still calls me “Dad”? Is it disrespectful that she calls me by my name? How can I get my ex to let me have a derivative of “mom”? I just thought that maybe by asking these questions on here I could get some helpful feedback. Thank you so much!

     

    Faith

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • Author
    Replies
  • #35473
     Stephanie Kennedy 
    Participant

    GOLD

    Hi Faith  If your  wife has earned the title mom she should own it and not have to share it with anyone.  How do you want to be introduced to one of your daughters friends or parent of a friend. I think if she called you Faith she has accepted a new woman in her life. She can also add to that if she wanted.  I believe the children will let you know what is comfortable for them. All the best Luv Stephanie

     

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #35433
     Marianne Tornander 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR - EDITOR

    I’m nowhere near transitioning but do dress as a woman at home some times then my wife is away. My three sons age 19, 17 and 15 call me dad regardless of my presentation and I am ok with that. I’m not sure how we should do in front of others though. Maybe I could go by auntie Marianne not to cause questions.

     

     

  • #35370
     Sarah Mack 
    Participant

    FREE

    Just let her decide what she wants to call you

     

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #35346
     Cami Jane Jansen 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR

    I do know a family that call their Dad..Daddy at home and Maddy when out and about..

    Works for them.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #35281
     Miriya Paris 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hello Faith and I think Cloe with real world experience on the matter has it right.  But as your daughter is 9 and probably going on 20. Give her the respect and talk to her about it, see what she really wants to do.  Lay the arguments out if she wants them and does not just give you the hand like mine do.  And later on when she changes her mind respect her then too.  It is more about being a parent then any title you can give your self.

     

    Is you ex being unreasonable? Maybe but not really.  She is only human to and wants to be special and herself just like you do.  So let her be mom, that does not mean you are any less of a parent.

     

    Miriya

    🤗🤗🤗

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #35274
     Cloe (CC) Webb 
    Managing Ambassador

    MANAGING AMBASSADOR

    I had this dilemma with my daughter and her toddler.  He only knew me as a woman, but she was still calling me dad.  She did recognize the confusion it was starting to cause and he even once called me grandma.  My heart melted, but hers was hurting.  We considered variants such as p-ma but nothing worked.  Finally we settled on Miss Cloe.  It took him all of about 2 hours to figure out how to even pronounce Cloe, but now they both use it all the time.  The Miss part is respectful and it’s nice to hear my own name.  I’ll never be “mom” to my daughter, well at least in any reasonable expectation, but I do keep up hope she can find a way.  I just no longer dwell on it for my own sense of well being.

    2 users thanked author for this post.

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