What were you feeling when you began Hormone Replacement Therapy?

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    • #9774
      Vanessa Law

      I remember sitting in the parking lot outside a local Walgreens, holding a bottle of testosterone blockers in my hand. This was many years ago, but it still feels like yesterday.

      The journey to that moment was long, arduous and filled with doubt. Just to get there required measures of courage I never thought I had, not to mention relationship challenges and the practical aspects like finding a transgender friendly doctor who could prescribe them.

      As I was sitting there I thought to myself, “This is the beginning. Life will never be the same again.”

      While I had done laser hair removal and electrolysis, this was the first moment where the journey truly felt irreversible.

      I don’t remember if I prayed, but I paused, I pondered. And after consideration I swallowed the first pill with eagerness.

      A new stage of my journey had begun.

      I’d love to hear your story of the start of your Hormone Replacement Therapy, or if you’re not yet on HRT, the path you have taken towards this moment so far.

    • #9800

      I was given estradiol patches and the size was so big I was disheartened that the things would constantly fall off.   Because of this I knew I needed to go home.  The 10 min drive felt like a lifetime and was extended by having to stop and get my celebratory cupcake.  After spending an eternity reading the instruction booklet, I showered so my skin would be as receptive as possible to the adhesive.  The moment had come and in front of the bathroom mirror, I placed the patch on the back of my shoulder.  I twisted and turned to admire it.  It was my lifeline and was just never going to look good with an off the shoulder or open back outfit, LOL.  I then looked at the bottle of spiro pills and said to myself “girl, you’ve started and the doc assured you this is the right path.

      It was cupcake time!

      P.S.  I had to beg for different patches because the big ones constantly would loosen and fall off long before the expected 7 days.  Now I’m on ones about 1/4 the size and getting great results.


      • #11519
        Vanessa Law

        That’s awesome! What a great story and start to the next step in your journey!

      • #17297

        How long have you been on HRT?  You say you were given estradiol … why estradiol instead of estrogen?  Is one better for you personally than the other?  Have you begun to develop breasts yet?  What is your plan for the time when your breasts begin to enlarge? I should ask if your nipples hurt or ache yet.  Do they?  Do you have a plan for bras to support your breasts?  Have you or anyone else found a very good brand name of a bra that you will enjoy living in?  Where do you find your lingerie?  Favorite store?  Do you have plans to go for a bra fitting?  Some lingerie stores ask that you call and speak to a manager and tell them you’d like to be fitted for a bra or bras.  I have been told that stores will have you come by after closing and you will have their staff help with your bra fitting.  Does anyone have experience to share regarding bra fittings?

        • #17361

          Hi Orrene ,1st , i cannot advise you on HRT only on bras,i haven’t started that  yet. To find my fit i went to a place called Thirdlove , they mainly sale bras. They  also have a program to walk you through a great fitting. Using there program i found my size to be a 38 B, you’ll be doing some measuring on your self.Their bras are very nice but a little costly, so i mainly shop on WalMart or Amazon. My fave one is Maidenform followed by Tripetals unpadded , these are my favorites.Good luck on your transformation, be the lady you were mint to be.Leslie

        • #52761

          You asked lots of good questions there.  I think different bras fit people differently.  I personally like front clasp bras better than rear clasps.  Those can be hard for a newly developed transgender to fasten.  However, there are tricks and tips in female forums for teenage girls that are newly developed that help.  Things like instead of fastening a back fastening bra in back without looking, don’t put your shoulders and arms in yet, fasten the bra in front, then slide it around back, and slip your arms in….voila! Easy peasy, lemon squeezy bra fastening without blinded fingers.

          My favorite bra is “sweet nothings”.  It fits me awesome and since transgenders tend to be smaller cupped than genetic girl a bra designed to make them appear larger might help.  It’s a lightly padded bra which makes it more comfortable, yet you look more feminine.  It’s sold at Walmart or was last time I looked.  So it’s reasonably priced as well.  But every girl seems to have different standards and likes.

          As far as sizing.  I had issues at first until I found a simple primer on how to size yourself.  The basics were the following.  Run a measuring tape under your breasts. Make sure there is no slack, but your not cutting off circulation.  This is your band size.  Because it’s where your band sits.  You want it a bit snug.  Because if it’s too loose your breasts can slip under your band.  Believe me you don’t want to bend over to have a breast slip under your band and get pinched between a band and your ribs when you stand up.  It can be quite uncomfortable. Next you want take the same measuring tape and run it around where you breasts stick out most.  It’s not as crucial to make sure the tape is tight here.  If you don’t mind a little slack in your cups a little slack is fine.  Your cup size is going to be roughly one inch per cup size over your band size.  For instance if your breasts stick out an inch or less over you band size, you are roughly an A cup.  If it’s 2 inches past, your roughly a b cup.  Three inches would be a c cup and so forth.  I’m 2.5 myself, making it a little harder to find a decent bra.  I’m between b and c sizes.  I tend to favor b cups, because I’d rather over fill a b by a little then feel small in a c cup.  That’s just my own feelings of breast size inadequacy talking though.  I prefer bra’s with band and cup sizes to generic sizes like xl, xs, etc…as those tend to fit transgenders poorly.  A lot of us have bigger chests, but smaller breasts so we don’t fit well in generic sizes.  Some may fit well in them though, so to each there own.

          There are many style choices that fix problems as well.  Don’t want a bra strap to show?  Try a strapless.  A bit fish eyed in the breasts (breasts that tend to wander to the side) there are bras designed to push them towards each other.  Want to flant it a bit for a date you want to be sexy for?  There is the push up solution.  Etc…

          Some like lace, some hate it (I’m among the haters, it feels scratchy and uncomfortable to me.) But are willing to do with or without to look their best or achieve a certain look.  I find female shopping is all about options.  Way more options then men have.  Including all male options as well.  I have girl friends who will unabashadly by male underwear, shoes, or whatever else because they like it better.

          I suggest trying it on.  It’s the best way to tell.  I also suggest paying attention to every detail.  I’ve found myself paying so much attention to say….fit.  That I get home toss a top over my new bra and look and think “Oh my goodness, I look like a bimo with this top and this bra.”  I end up hating it or niche wearing it.  I further suggest trying it with something you intend to wear it with.  Having visible straps might bother you, only bother you with certain tops, or not bother you all.  You won’t know until you try it with everything.  Save your receipts.  So you can return it later if you hate it.

          There is also the braless option.  If you are small breasted.  You can always skip the bra for most things.  Some studies even say it’s healthier.  But that brings up issues in itself.  I frequently go bra free myself.  I feel I’m small enough up top it’s not noticed.  However, I do have to be careful in thin shirts to check for rain or watch it at events where water is around.  You don’t want to go braless in a white tshirt if rain is even a possibility in the forecast.  I found this out rather painfully on the way into the mall when a cloudburst opened up.  I was sprinting past a couple where the male of the couple actually stopped running and looked at my chest and grinned.  Which made his female companion stop and look too and an elbow to her companions chest that made him grunt.  I got a very hostile look that said angry volumes of how I should know better thant to put on a white tshirt contest in a parking lot.  It wasn’t my intention of course, but I had to go home red faced and decide between more appropriate layers, an umbrella, a bra, etc…  Another problem I’ve found going braless is that the things tend to wander.  I often find them getting pinched in armpits, awkwardly wanting to flip out in wide necked shirts, or bounce painfully with jogging, exercising, or running.  Most of it’s mildly inconvenient for me except for the exercise.  I have to be supported in bouncing activities, braless is not an option then for my own comfort.  It all comes down on what your willing to tolerate.  Breasts can be a very fun thing to have, but they can also mean never going topless again regardless of heat levels unless you want to be arrested.  They can result in pain and discomfort and uncomfortable breast exams.  Yes, breast cancer can happen.

    • #9853

      Hello everyone,

      Well, yesterday was my first counseling session for my gender dysphoria. It went well and I felt at ease with this counselor. We talked for awhile and I recounted my past from age 7 to present. I imagine over the next 4 or 5 sessions I will have recounted some things that I repressed and other things which I did not mention. She has a number of transgender and gender dysphoria patients and teaches a course to would be counselors on gender and transgender counseling. At the moment I feel positive and have been working out some bumps with my wife. I am hopeful for the outcome that I wish to have and my wife will be on the same page as I am by then. I am hoping to be able to do HRT but we will see what the future holds. I am hopeful, scared, apprehensive, anxious, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Life seems slow to get where you want like walking in a swamp. You can’t see where you are stepping and where the dangers are it you keep moving forward all the while you see the alligators on the banks moving. Please just let me get to the first knoll and I will be so happy. I can’t see beyond the first knoll but I know there are more because the path on the map has been trod by so many hrs s souls before me. I just hope i never see the edge of the map because I know what it says. “Here there be monsters”! That would be the horrible thing those who have gone before know as the rejection. You will not progress to HRT you will love the drab life as the sex you were bore as. Could there be anything in this world worse than that? Maybe but it would be devastating. So I am hopeful, scared, apprehensive, anxious and waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I am also happy because I have taken the first step and it was a positive event. TTFN💋👠


    • #9936

      Hi Ladies , i have been taking a over the counter hormone purchased from Wal-Mart on line. The instructions said to take 2 three times a day , i did and it made me feel a little strange and my seaman turned dark. This scared me so i just take 2 a day . Everything seems better and i feel wonderful . I feel this has helped me in my breast development as i now am an A to nearly B cup size , as i was flat chested before. I also use a cream on my  breast twice a day .I do feel that the hormones are helping , my skin i noticed is much softer and my voice is a lot softer and my body hair has thinned , it to is softer on my legs and easier to shave . I have noticed my mental has changed , i cry easier at sad things , sometimes i have to make myself stop. I have become more fem in my actions and my thoughts , this was my only action in this direction so far. I would love to go all the way , but the cost is huge , so i do what i can.

      • #10022

        we do not advocate over the counter solutions, particularly in th absence of oversight by a qualified MD.  Your experience with darkening of semen is very unusual and if it was still going on I would strongly advise you go see an MD.

        Be carful with medications.  Many have paid the ultimate price for not having gone the clinical route


    • #9978

      When the doctor gave me my prescription for spironolactone, finasteride, and the estradiol patch, I was excited yet a little afraid. excited as I had waited for about 50 years for this dream to come true, and scared as I wasn’t sure how my friends and family would react.

      As it turned out all my friends and most of my family were really great, some even saying that it was about time. I guess I wasn’t as good of actor as i thought I was.

      Well I had a very bumpy emotional roller coaster ride but the doctor and I have found a pretty good level of hormones, but in that time I am sure there were many people that I must have nearly driven crazy. It has been almost 4 years and I have never felt better


    • #11547

      Hi Vanessa and ladies.  I am on many prescription drugs for heart issues and I was very afraid to add HRT to it. I could not face another doctor lecturing me on what to do and what was good and not good for me. I am stubborn as hell and have always done what I wanted to do. It is my life and I will do as I wish to accomplish my goals. I grew so tired of fighting and carrying a males load in this world….it was never enough or appreciated, so I thought about it and decided I wanted to be a girl….a complete change from what I have known for so long.

      OK…..it might kill me but it is what I want to do and be. If it does kill me….well…I will go happy and that is what is important in life. Life is the persuit of happiness and well being….so I went for it, never looked back and full steam ahead. I don’t regret my decision for 1 second.  “don’t worry….be happy”.  Besides, God and I do not see eye to eye on things and I really before….he/she doesn’t want a s–t-disturber up there.

      Dame Veronica

      • #11732

        As they say “You go girl”.   As for what god wants to have in his home, it is you, that he wants. You just need to find the right church, and yes it may be difficult but it is worth the wait. The support I get from my church in phenomenal. I walked in on a friend’s invite and it went well. I now belong to the ladies group and am involved in several other doings in church. My minister says nowhere in the bible does it say that god does not like you, he may want you to change in some way, but being transgender is not one of them. I am male to female and everyone asks about my progress and some even want me to talk and support transgender people they know. Yes, want me to tell young people what it means to transition and to support them. You should see me on dress day, I don’t have to but it is such a fantastic feeling to be ACCEPTED.  I hope this helps you because you do have worth to yourself and to those around you. Debra

        • #12293

          That is fantastic Debra! Anyone who tells us that we do not belong in a church, because God would not want us, is full of BS! They are hypocrites and not a true Christian according to how God wants us to act. If they quote the Old Testament then they do not believe in Jesus and the new covenant he made with man nor the 10 commandments! “Love thy neighbor as thyself” is one of the oft stated tenets of the New Testament. As Jesus recounted the great commandments and it is actually number 2 and love is what Jesus preached and those hypocrites must not have paid attention in Sunday School. Sorry that is a sore point with me. In the Episcopal Church we had two divisive issues. One was that no female shall be a priest/pastor which I feel is absolute horse pucky. The second was that the  Bible and God/Jesus does not love LGBTQ people. I was so disappointed with my fellow parishioners when they left our church and went to a more conservative one. So I am so happy that you were welcomed into a loving church as it should be. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗 💋👠


      • #95737

        I am also on blood tinners and colesterol reducing pills. What kind of hormones did help you and what kind of precsutions did you have?

        and how are you doing today!


        best of love from Mona ❤️

    • #29369

      Extremely excited and excited for what was to come……

    • #31041

      When I first started M-F HRT. The first 2 weeks, I would find myself crying for what seamed no reason at all and not loudly. like I would be talking to a user on the phone, I work help desk, and tears would just flow for no reason and I tried my hardest to continue working. no sobbing or anything like that but I did feel that my mood just went “south” out of nowhere when it happened. I would also be giddy at random times too. One day, I drove home, sat in the parking lot, and my wife came out 15 minutes later and asked if I was ok. I was crying for no reason but when she came for me, I was happy as can be. The mood swings where major for me but I made it through that patch. I have been on hrt since feb, 27th 2018 and will be on them for the rest of my life or until they figure out away for us to generate our own correct hormones. 🙂

      • #35838

        Wondering my emotions are already like that and haven’t even taken the hrt yet wondering how bad it will be since I already have emotions like that…?

    • #31803

      HRT, or Hormone Replacement Treatment is what’s prescribed for menopausal cis women/men, Gender Affirming Hormone Treatment is what’s prescribed for trans people

    • #33680

      I’ve been on HRT for nearly three years.  In the first couple of months, and lasting about 8 months, I just wanted to cry, and to cry a lot.  Moodiness, self-pity, etc.  I wasn’t feeling down about myself, I just needed to cry.  A few times I allowed the tears to flow as heavily as they wanted.  I had no idea that tear ducts could produce that much in a short time.  I must have cried with tears for about an hour and then I was good for about another four hours.  Then it returned!  I was even crying while I slept, my pillow was drenched!  I had no idea that it was possible while sleeping.   I was moody, feeling very restless, jittery, insatiable in every aspect, lonely, all sorts of emotions.  My Endocrinologist told me I was going through teenage puberty all over again, as a young female.  He told me it would go away after a while, although it differs among people in general.  I was glad when it was over, because after that, my breasts began to grow.  From flat to a nice B-cup so far.

      • #33696

        My endo took a low does course and I didn’t hit the emotions until about 6mo in then it.  I’m at 15mo now and I can’t even mow the lawn.  Just too much thinking going on creating the space for the emotions to take hold.

    • #35885

      ~Overly Excited, Practically Falling Asleep

      Holding The Mirror, (Everything You’re Not

      Supposed To Do! 🙂


      ~I Honestly Think/Feel/Believe, My Issue Is

      Really With More What Family Will Say/How

      They Will React, , , And Then The Associates.


      ~Realistically That Is What Made Me Build

      Myself Up To: Appear Very “CIS-MALE!”

      ~As Far As Myself: At Times I Feel So GOOD,

      At Ease, Relieved, And Even Sometimes Wish

      That The WHOLE WORLD/Everyone, Just

      Didn’t Even Care A Bit About What Thee

      “OTHER” Person Does, It’s Because Of Them

      Why I Feel Shame, Or Embarrassment, It’s

      Like, “Oh’ How Would YOU Like ME To Live

      My Life That Will Make YOU Happy, And

      Please YOU?”..If I May Ask, , (Freak`n People

      Are A TRIP!)  ..I’m Deviating, I Think!? Hm,Hm.


      ~I Have Limited Insight In Reference To…

      ~For Today Is Day 1. Of Month 3.

      ~But I Feel GREAT/Sexy/HAPPY/Love!

      (And Wouldn’t Mind If I Could Pick Myself

      Up, And Give Me The Cuddle HUGs I Need!)



      So Far, “HOLDING ON!”


      ~DARCY 🙂

      ~xO xO xO

      • #52745

        ~I Can’t Believe I Wrote All That,

        (So Open)  Hm,Hmph!  🙂

        ~Whelp, I Stopped Counting, I Think

        That I’m Somewhere Into My 5th.

        Month, (Like About 4&A1/2) – idk

        But What I Do Know Is:


        KEEP EXACT TRACK, But Of Course

        Naturally You’ll Watch The Mirror

        Every Day, All Throughout The Day,

        (So What I Did Was: Start Wearing

        Loose Shirts, And Start Looking Less

        And Then You Really Notice Your

        Development, And Changes…

        An ORCHIECTOMY Will Really

        Bring It On, Faster & Stronger!)


        ~As Far As The Feelings, It’s Beyond

        SUPER Exciting, To Actually Grab A

        Full Handful Of Your Own Breast Is

        Un-Explainable, And Pleasant…


        ~I Can Talk & Talk, So Let Me STOP!  ; )

        ~Good Luck To Any/Everyone, And I Hope

        That You Find Your Peace, And Yourself

        No Matter Where You Look!

    • #52737

      I was excited and a bit afraid.  I was afraid people might hurt me.  Yet, in the end, I took it anyway.  Because I came to realize something.  I could do this thing for me and take a big risk, maybe even end up hurt, but possibly be happy.  Or I could continue to live in fear of others and never be the person I really wanted to be.  In the end, I concluded I’d rather spend five minutes hormonally female and end up shot.  Then live one more day in fear.  Physically, I didn’t feel a thing for ten days.  Then my chest began to hurt and my nipples got really sensitive for a while. Turned out to be the development of “breast buds”.   Eventually I had my first hormonally girl experience.  I got emotional at the drop of a hat, retained water, got headaches, and broke out in some pretty fierce acne. It made me oddly respectful for women who have to deal with it on a monthly basis and more.

    • #62058

      <p style=”margin: 3.75pt 0cm 3.75pt 0cm;”>Hi all.<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />Some time ago when there was no forum’s as to speak of. Or sites like this just weren’t there. There was just the chat room options like “ICQ”.<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />From these, there were many of them, and we were on dialup connection, I found a group of people, just like us, learning about ourselves and how others coped. I asked a question that we all wish was out there.<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />If there was a pile that would change us male to female, would you take it? There was only one catch, you would have all the female parts including Periods, mood swings, you can get pregnant and the list would continue including the social and employment problems etc.<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />Would you still be so eager to take it? My answer was and is yes as I am female by heart and soul, and if that’s what it is so be it. I am jealous of not being able to experience all of these things.<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />I was so surprised of the mount of people who said no, as we can enjoy being female without any hassles so to speak. What are your thoughts.</p>
      <p style=”box-sizing: border-box; orphans: 2; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; word-wrap: break-word; word-spacing: 0px; margin: 3.75pt 0cm 3.75pt 0cm;”>Luv to you all Sharon</p>

      • #62274

        I would in a heart beat, to everything a woman goes through, periods, child birth, I’m all in if that magic pill existed….I guess we have to do with what we have and the best we have! Thank you for your post!

    • #62065

      Sharon, without question I want all of what it means to be a woman.  I want the wonderful things that women experience physically and emotionally.  But to be included in that beautiful world of women I want to include/experience that which women endure as well….periods, mood swings, menopause, risk of pregnancy, the joy and physical/emotional journey of pregnancy, the social and cultural joy and complications of being a woman.  As MtF, we cannot have it all, but If I could, I would…but as MtF we can at least share in many of the same things that cisgender women do.  I am currently undergoing electrolysis on my face and neck along with laser on the remainder of my body to feminize that part.  I’m not sure how far my journey is taking me thusfar.  One step at a time and I hope that by the end of 2020, I will have completed my permanent hair removal and I will have more decisions to make.

    • #62285

      Immense relief, from the moment I first made the decision. For me it was that moment in time, when I truely knew I was finally on the right path in my life for me. Almost four months later now and every change is welcomed, from the mood swings and pains of developing breasts. The challenges of becoming not who I am, but who I am becoming. To me its meant more than i can possibly express in just words. I hope your choice makes you equally as happy!

      Hugs, Traci Lynn

    • #81963

      Relief. If I had to sum it up with one word that’s the word I use. Relief, from the constant storm that was in my head. When I was prescribed them it was to take them in the morning well that evening as soon as I left the pharmacy I had taken my first steps. That was on Oct 8th 2019 one of only a few dates I can remember. Almost immediately I knew this was right, I was moving forward. I still have quite a ways to go socially and physically and I’m only out to a couple of people but that’s for another time.

    • #81966
      Josie Jay

      I felt excitement, period. Also, I remember the cute experience I had that day. My clinic called the scrip into a local Walmart, (not one close to me…that’s how trepidatious I was). I went to the window and told them my name and birthday, kind of looking at the floor because I felt like every eye in the place was on me. The young lady brought the bag out and said, “Is this the first time for this medicine?” “Yes,” She called the Pharmacist over for my obligatory instructions for new meds. She was a very attractive African American woman who read the information out loud and when she read the doctor’s name her face lit up a bit. She looked at me, waiting there, kind of looking around to see if anyone was within earshot (of course no one was paying attention). She hands me the spiro and says ” Take one in the morning and once at night for your..” She gave me an exaggerated wink and a smile ” blood pressure”…All of my nervousness just melted away. She didn’t have to be so sweet; bless her for it. Now I get Spiro and Estradiol there..All the employees know me and I chat with them as they fill my order…In six months Ive gone from being a nervous guy…presenting very much male, to a confident woman with pink hair, cute tops, and cleavage. I love my Hrt so much. The effect on me is palpable and wonderful and why haven’t I been taking this for years?…

      • #96238

        What a beautiful story that warmed my heart! It was by no accident that she was supposed to be the one to help you that day! I hope when the time comes for me that I have a similar experience! Hugs!! ❤️ Brittany

    • #86947
      Rami Love

      I started HRT in the beginning of March 2020. I was feeling one  large itch of curiosity as to what it would be feel like to have estrogen flowing through my veins.  What it would be like to have real breasts verses breast forms. I was wondering if my thinning hair would thicken. Whether I would become more emotional, my skin become softer. I was also feeling the fear, the fear of the unknown, the fear of the  ridicule, fear of the snide remarks, fear of the hatred, the scorn and all the other negativity heaped onto transgender people.

    • #86950

      Off the charts excited last weekend, and that was only for a test drive to the city where I’ll go on Thursday for my first appointment with the endocrinologist…. 😀💚

      Can’t freakin’ wait 🌈 🔥

      Seraphina xx

    • #87177

      I’m a very spontenous person. I always new the day would come when the denial would end. I new it when I didn’t want to be labeled a crossdresser. After my therapist confirmed it. I realized it was time to go on HRT. From the 1st day I took my estrodiol pill, I have kept a journal. I am only on my 2nd month and have breast soreness. I am so excited of all the changes that will happen. I listen to MTF positive affirmations and it has really helped. With this mask wearing it has helped me go out in public as a woman. Talk about confidence boost. I now have more feminine clothes then male ones. So my transition is going quite well.

    • #87769

      I am just starting this part of my journey. I have an appointment Sept 14 for a tele-med session, to begin the “informed consent” process part of the HRT. I am very anxious to get this moving forward. At 60 years old, I am cautiously optimistic about the changes ahead. I have waited many years for this day to come, it can’t start soon enough for me. 🤗

      • #91682

        Update: I started the HRT Sept 15th. I was then, and am still very excited about finally getting to move in the direction to feminize my body. The nipple tenderness and subtle growth are the main changes I’ve seen. I do get emotional a whole lot easier too. Kelly continues her puberty journey.

    • #87793

      It is so long time since it happened, but one memory is still very alive in me. I first got the anti-testosterone injection once every week, and that was not anything that I noticed in my daily life. But then came the big change! The doctor that treated me had warned me of the symptomes, but still it came as a surprise. I just bot very “BITCHY”. But it was so expected that I had even put up a page on the las door in the job so that all would know that it was not my wish to be bad against anyone. And one good thing about this reaction was that it was also the start-signal to start the oestrogene treatment, and after a week or so the bitchy reaction had melted away. Since then there has been no problem beside a short period when the gel that I used could not be delivered. I felt like I was unsure about what happened around me. But that was back to normal when the medicine was availible again.
      One specially good effect, but unexpected, was that I got a special soft mode. Seeing mothers with their new babies almost made me tear-ayed. And that was not because I could never have that happening to me. It was just a very warm feeling inside me.
      Hope this short dip into deep memory that can help all that just start their hormone treatment.
      Ginnie G

    • #88073

      Good for you. At 59 years of age, I’m just starting this step in my life. Am sad at the moment as 2 appointments got messed up Friday 21st Not my doing clinic screwed up. So now I have to wait possible 2 weeks to see the doctor I am not happy about this. Started down a bad path. But my best friend picked my spirits up. Going out for coffee with him tonight. I need to get out or I’m going spazz out of my mind. I lost 5 more lbs am happy about that. Only 30 more to go. Trying to get fit I read surgery is faster better healing if I not over weight. Oh was up to 222 lbs am at 148 lbs now. started gaining weight from being in a constant state of depression. Went from 125 Lbs to 222 Lbs in a very short time. My depression is not so bad now, Since opening up and finding help. I will be so much better when I start T-Hormone and get top surgery done. I know the question is what are you feeling when you began Hormone Replacement Therapy. But i haven’t started yet, Just mentioning how I am feeling about not being on it yet and am upset with my appointments getting messed up. It slows things down. Am trying hard to be patient, its hard. Telling my self its all ok your ok it will happen.


    • #88074

      Relief is the first word that pops into my mind. My Dr. prescribed Estradiol Progesterone and Casodex (testosterone blocker). I went straight to Walgreens they used my birth name I told them my preferred name and they immediately changed it. I have no regrets I am single my girls are grown and married so now I can take care of me. I am totally comfortable with my decision. I do have to play dual roles right now with my job and my daughters. They accept me and love me but do not support me. I think in time this will change.


    • #88076

      Thank you for your reply. It did wonders for my state of mind. I feel better, I have 3 sons all adults with life’vs of their own, I have only my best friend giving me support. A younger sister who is bouncing back in forth about how she feels about me coming out. Says she will be supportive but so far hasn’t been there for me. I’m sure she will come around. Haven’t told my sons yet. 2 younger one are out of town never see or hear from them but once a year. Oldest one I see at least 2 or 3 times a year. He is busy man. When I do tell them I am ready for a let down, They can except me as I am or not. Its time I look after my self and do what must be done to be a happier me. I will not let anyone get in my way again or any life monkey wrench foul up my decision to Trans F to M I just want to be me to be happy with my body to live the rest of my life as who I really am a Man. To all you out there, Stay strong live laugh and play.


    • #88329

      I was feeling excitement as well as a sense of unreality when I began HRT three years ago. Excited that I was finally doing it, but at the same time thinking “can it be possible that I am finally really doing this?” For so many years, decades really, I had convinced myself that transitioning wasn’t an option for me. Because of my size–6’4″, 250 lbs–I knew  I’d never be able to pass, so it took me until my early 60’s to summon up the courage to say “screw it–I’m doing it anyway”. What a relief to finally allow myself to really be me! When I first started noticing breast development it really felt surreal. Even now, I still look at my B cup breasts in the mirror sometimes and feel amazed that they are really there! Not to mention that I just love feeling and playing with them. I love how much softer my skin has become, but am disappointed that my facial hair, while thinner and slower to grow back, is still very much there, necessitating shaving every other day. Briefly tried electrolysis, just on my upper lip, but I couldn’t afford to keep it up. The full face would cost over $5,000. Still taking testosterone blockers, unfortunately. Was scheduled for an orchiectomy three weeks ago, but tested positive for covid ( although 100% asymptomatic) so surgery was cancelled. Need two negative test results before I can re-schedule.

      The bottom line is, I do love what HRT has done for me and have never regretted it for even one second!

    • #88331

      I can’t wait till I get started on HRT. I want to look in the mirror and see a masculine looking face looking back at me. it feels like its not happening fast enough for me. I cope the best I can, And now I have better support to help me though the low days I get. I pace the floor, when I think to much, that’s when I call a friend or my sister. I all ways feel better after talking to someone. It makes the day go by better and I sleep better. I find I don’t sleep well at all if I do not call a friend on a low day. I am having more high days then low ones now.

      be well everyone. Love your self, tell your self your worthy of everything life has to offer. And smile.

    • #90838

      I began on April 15th 2020, i also recall walking into CVS to pick up my prescription for Finasteride and Estrogen, i was nervous, when asked i said i am here to pick up prescription for Jackie.  Paid for them and got to the car and opened the bag and looked in. I Saw the bottle with estrogen on it and my name Jackie >>>>> i cant tell you how wonderful it felt to see my female name on  that bottle. When i got home i couldn’t wait to take my first pill. It was a feeling or relief, i said to my self am i really going to do this after all these years?? I was religious about taking my pills for 3 straight months, then fear and guilt crept into my mind and i stopped for a month but the pills kept calling me and my mind kept telling me to continue so now i am back and will not stop again.

    • #91667

      I started 1 1/2 years ago when I turned 16. A few moths after I went full time to living as a girl. I will also remember that day. The excitement after all this time of waiting. The first thing I felt was how sensitive my nipples had become. The growth as been slow, but at least there is something there (now A Cup) after living as a girl for months with a heavily padded bra my mom got me. I don’t remember any change in mood when I started. Just the excitement.

    • #94400

      I would like to, but with some health issues I am not sure that I can. I envy you girls that are on HRT!


    • #94460

      Excited!I was 18 years old and it was in mid April of 1997 going to the pharmacy picking up my male hormone blockers and estrogen.I picked them up looking at them and came home.Mom saw I was excited when I came  home and shown them to her.It was on a Saturday when I picked them right up.Took one of each right away with my mom watching

    • #95696

      Much like you Vanessa, I sat in the parking lot of the Dr. I was seeing 20 years ago awaiting my first shot. While the results early were wonderful, I had to abandon the journey, as my emotional well being seemed at stake. My children, ex wife, brothers and sister, and parents, were struggling and I couldn’t deal with the guilt.

      I don’t think I understood the emotional toll my decisions would have on my family and subsequently how their struggles affected my mindset at the time.

      20 years later there is a bit of a difference. My children are all grown. Been separated from my ex for seven years, and I’ve slowly owned my non-binary self while my brothers and sister have understood this is who I am and who I’ll always be.

      My journey restarted not with some unknown dr who secretly worked with the trans population in a back door office, but with my family physician. Together we are charting a course with the first stop my new endocrinologist, who works with a number of trans individuals through my insurance. Seven days from tomorrow is our first appointment with blood tests in hand. It feels right and I feel right and excited. Giddy that while older, I’m finally truly living fully who I was meant to be.

      That is a glorious feeling!🌅

    • #96244

      It was a burst of excitement , a big step . I know obviously you can stop at anytime and revert back to some extent . But for me there wasn’t going to be an indecision . It was the first major step I took . I started just recently dating back to 1/24/21 . Only about 2 going on three months and I feel great ! Despite my chest being super sensitive , my whole nature has changed . I’m more calm , I rationalize instead of jumping to conclusions , the exact opposite of how I used to deal with things . Though physical changes so far have been minor , I feel that zing of femininity flowing through me slowly changing my demeanor .  I hope things maybe go a bit faster after T blockers are out of the equation . ❤️

    • #99735

      I plan to start HRT soon but would like to take care or at least start 2 preliminary steps of full body hair removal and feminine voice training. I started researching electrolysis vs laser treatments. Several days ago I had my first appointment with a gender therapist and received 2 referrals, 1 for  speech therapist and second for LGTBQ support group. The latter is a great addition to creating a caring support group. I necessarily do not need to finish these by the time HRT is begun, however I would like them to be in a manageable position. Until then still researching all aspects of MTF transition process. Can never to knowledgeable to make the best educated decisions.

    • #100633

      I voted ‘soon’ Vanessa…

      I have actually started the process with a visit to the doc and to get my blood work done. I have a session with my psychologist on the 4th May and she will report back to the doctor and… we will see.
      I must say, I’m super excited to be on the way as it were!


    • #115604

      I remember walking into the CVS to pick up my prescriptions and I felt like I was walking on air. The pharmacist spent an extra few minutes describing each drug and what to expect. She wanted to make sure there was no bad interaction with another prescription I have. It’s been 6 months now and I am pleased so far with where I am at now. I am in this for the long haul and this is the best I’ve felt about myself in a long,long time.

    • #115816

      As of this writing I am only 2 short weeks away from that moment. Had my bloodwork done yesterday and next appointment will be to meet Doctor to review informed consent forms, go over a thousand little details I’m sure and get my prescription.

      I’m 50% terrified and 50% excited and depending on your school of thought, the 2 can be viewed as the same thing.

    • #120086

      I started HRT ten years ago. It’s amazing that that much time has passed. Taking hormones seemed like such a necessary thing for me. It didn’t have any big moment. I just took the pills and went on. Today I have some nice breast growth and I fill out a B cup very nicely.

    • #122060

      Had a friend who was an MD, he prescribed for me telling me that “if you’re not meant to have estrogen in your system, you’ll hate it and get this out of your system”
      That was 20 years ago, felt suddenly normal, for the 1st time in my life shortly after starting estrogen and T blocker.
      I’ll never “look” female, but I sure feel more me now.

      • #122088

        It’s worth mentioning that I don’t consider it HRT but rather gender affirming hormones…GAH.

        I was meant for this, could never grow a beard, never liked any kind of sports, used my genitalia as something I thought I was supposed to do, but could never form emotional bonds around that usage.

        You can only suspect what’s missing until you get that endocrine normative treatment, then…WOW.

      • #127618

        I total agree, my therapist both told me that mentally I might not notice anything, boy were they wrong I’ve been on hormones for about a year and never felt more like myself. That fact that I’m now a B cup is pretty cool too. Which does lead to a new problem I’m not out 100% of the time (lol).

        • #137243


          so I am hoping to start hormones soon  but have similar issue..I live as missy in this community n almost everything I do  but for mom n family events..they supposedly don’t know or suspect. so what’s the plan? I considered after my breasts start would I bind them like FtM transmen?

          even getting my ears pierced n 1 supportive sibling is like how do you plan to hide that? not sure  will 2 holes in my earlobes really stop all time n world order? they’re earings for gosh sakes.  so supportive n curious too


    • #130214
      Nora Kay

      I was excited. My doctor started me with injections to see if it was right. After I started I could not wait until I could get rid of the needles and start with the biodentical implanted pellets. When I restarted I was excited again. This time already knowing that my body needed it. When I had that pellet implanted in my thigh it was the best feeling. Knowing I am going to get my mind back to normal.

    • #132595
      Dana Munson

      I just began HRT today (disregarding a few months chugging phytoestrogen caps).  My first visit with my endocrinologist since I came out. I had chatted with him online a month or so before the appointment and revealed my new trans status. He was kind and supportive, but indicated that, because of my age (69), traditional HRT was likely off the table. So I was resigning  myself to whatever concentrated phytoestrogen could do, plus eventually implants. But today . . . a minor miracle happened. The doc prescribed spironolactone and told me that in about 5 months or so, we could look at an orchiectomy. And a few months after that, around the middle of next year, he said he would be comfortable with prescribing estrogen!  He said “topical,” so I am guessing thats a transdermal patch or something. But I nearly jumped out of my chair . . . real “girl juice”!!!!!!  I was able to pick up the prescription this afternoon and, having just finished lunch, I downed my first pill. I am on my way!!! Wheeeeeee!!!!

      • #135133

        Hi Dana, just to let you know, I was 67 when I began this journey and the doctor I saw never considered taking HRT off the table. I was in excellent health at the time so maybe you have medical problems that I don’t? Hugs!

    • #132607
      Lauren Mugnaia

      I would really love to do HRT, but, unfortunately, due to having open heart surgery a year ago, it is not recommended, as one of the possible side effects of HRT is blood clots.
      Fortunately for me, I have a naturally higher estrogen count than most, and this has been the case since I was a young boy. The result is I have a rather small set of male parts, large hips and thighs, a large bum, A-cup boobs and a baby face with quite feminine facial features – they say I could have been my mother’s twin. Even though I can’t do HRT, those physical attributes have made it a lot easier for me to transition to living as a woman, legally a female, full time.

      Hugs girls, big hugs,

      Ms. Lauren M

    • #132610

      I have not started HRT and probably never will be able to get it or any other procedures through the medical system in Sweden. Stating this I have often met skepsis and disbelief so l will take this chance to explain my situation.

      The onlY legal way to transgender care in Sweden is through one of eight national gender clinics working under NHS (and they plan to make them three to save money and concentrate expertise). Formalized in the worlds first law about “change of identity in special cases” the once very progressive system, though being somewhat updated, now seems very old school.
      Having anything done medically and/or legally still largely requires a diagnosis of gender identity disorder/transsexuality set through lengthy contacts with a team of a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist and councellor and the waiting lines to most clinics are several years as their budgets haven’t been increased anywhere close to the demand. Once you’ve managed your way through all the road blocks and gate keeping, and have the diagnosis, you are eligible to have any reasonable gender affirming procedure virtually for free, short only of FFS (and even that can be provided on an individual basis in exceptional cases and may be generally available in the future).
      The cost for any medical appointment through the National Health Service in Sweden is capped at $30 per visit and $125 per year for aults and free for children up to age 18, no matter if it is getting prescriptive cough medicine, giving birth, having an advanced cancer treatment or a full genital reconstruction and breast augmentation combo. The rest is on the taxpayers through the government and health care regions functioning as both universal insurance companies and providers. So whatever you need done there will be no immense medical bills to pay, making you go into bankruptcy.

      The crucial thing is how to define and determine need. For the pregnant woman coming in with contractions or the highly anemic child with leukaemia the need is unquestionable and for an intersexed person wanting their groin looking ‘normal’ for one sex or the other having that done seems reasonable, but what about us, falling under the transgender umbrella? However you look at it there is technically nothing wrong with most of our bodies. The relevant pieces are in place and work the way they are supposed to. It is our minds that to some extent disagree with our default factory setup, triggering a multitude of possible psychological reactions with consequences that may ultimately lead to self hatred, self destruction and attempted suicide. The only viable solution msy be to transition, but a transition can very well add a bunch of new problems and it is usually the job for the therapist to help you decide if it will be advisable for you or not. In many places in US the therapist is no longer mandatory for having HRT but in Sweden their opinions have much more leverage and you have to convince them there is a great desl of suffering going on to get their recommendation, something l could not do.

    • #135130

      My situation may be somewhat unique as I am in my early seventies and a bit different from those I have read. After much agonizing, I decided to transition to being female. The reason for my decision at this late stage of my life is because I lost my wife of 50 years last year. While she was understanding there were agreed upon boundaries. While I was able to control my desire to express my feminine side my frustration and need to do something had become very strong the past few years. I feel a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel free now. Since I live in a small rural community, I had to do a lot of research to even find out if their was a doctor or clinic which did HRT. It turned out there is a clinic in town and I made an appointment to see the doctor. I met with the Nurse Practitioner(NP)/doctor and answered a bunch of questions. The NP explained the process to me, drew some blood and sent my prescription for spironolactone tablets and estradiol tablets,half dose for now, and told me she would see me in 3 months. I was excited to pick up my prescription and even more excited when I took my first dose of pills. I have told one of my adult children and his wife and my grandson who has been living with me prior to my wife’s death. They have been supportive so far and will see as my transition progresses. I am a bit worried after reading how some of you have been to specialist and physiologists prior to starting HRT. This is something I will ask about at my next appointment. For now, I am happy and excited to finally be starting my journey to fullfill a long sought dream. Phyllis Ann

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