Why I Joined TGH

  • Creator
  • #114382
    Managing Ambassador

    Hi Members,

    I think about things a lot. Thats been pretty much my whole life.

    I was editing a post of mine and I asked myself why am I here. Please if you  had something I delete me, its not personal.

    I am an original member, first site manager, and troubled by the trans community. I felt in the beginning, that I would have to be part of a special club, and represent ideology I don’t completely understand or agree with.   I am willing to learn and take negative feedback to refine my views.

    6 years and 1 year on transitional medications, that has not changed.  Though I have learned a bit and had to deal some tough issues, I always find that I still don’t fit in with the transgender agenda. But that’s why I am here, why I support TGH. Its for you the TGH member why I am here.  I know we all have different views, and though I may not agree with  everyone at times, I support everyone’s opinions, to a certain degree. I am still a moderator here and have an obligation to protect the rules of the site.

    TGH is a beginning for a lot of you as it is for me. I feel safe here to express the side of me that has been suppressed, hidden, caged, forgotten about.

    So please feel free to tell me why you are here or why you joined TGH.

    JMG Disclaimer

    please post once, no replies, if you wish to edit your reply contact me

    2 users thanked author for this post.
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  • Author
    • #116869

      Perhaps my reason to be here is not as complex as some others. I joined to be amongst people who understand what it is to be a transwoman. In my everyday life I am fortunate I have the support of family and friends; but round the next corner? I feel a caution and a vulnerability at being this way. Not so much a physical one but emotionally and socially. It can get lonely and sometimes it’s daunting not knowing if how I am growing is how others have or do. Just nice to chat and swap experiences. Even little things, that only someone on the same path would know. …or actually care about. I guess, we are all individuals and there is no right and wrong but we are a community and hopefully feel the need to share and be with each other… be prepared for the good the bad and the ugly. I subscribe to  TW YouTubers and other online TW bloggers.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #115373

      Much like CDH I’ve found many others here of similar experiences and feelings.

      By finding that sense of belonging and community (which lead to self acceptance) my life has improved drastically.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #115291

      I joined TGH because I needed help. I figured out that I too was a trans woman, and I had no idea where to look for help. I started off over at CDH because I lurked around there for a while before joining way back when I started doing that. Little did I know that was my key to discovering my true self. That group was supportive, still is. I noticed that there was info on this site, so I created an account.

      one thing I love here is the info on the side menu. Everything I could think to ask is right there. If Anything not there, I can post and get answers from people who have lived it. That’s really worth so much.

      also, I’m making friends, and we are sharing experiences which is something special. I don’t make friends easily, I have wondered if it’s my whole gender issue, and it might be… but here are those who understand that, and so far I’ve been very much feeling welcomed.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #115285

      7 months ago I was in a really bad state of mind , had a massive break down which left me in a zombie like state for 3 weeks . I couldn’t stop crying …shaking with unforeseen fear I found myself online searching for at that time I had no idea …I was just hoping to find answer to if I was crazy !

      I came across this site and just started to read some of the articles which actually helped clam me the hell down . It worked so I joined and slowly I have been opening up more and more and not just with myself but with others . I’m not from a very sharing family for the most part . When my Mom left my Dad I would spend the weekends with him and we became close . I learn’t a lot about him during that time and still don’t know why he went back to that evil woman .

      Over the past few months a few more road blokes have gone up which undid everything I gained on a emotional level  or so I though until I starting reading the articles and topics which inturned calmed me down once more . I realized over the past few months that I can’t do this on my own as I thought I could and I need help . It doesn’t make me a weak woman for asking , it makes me stronger and this site I give thanks for that .

      Don’t know if I really fit in here but for now if feels right .



      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #114389
      Michelle Larsen

      After reading this a few times, are started to focus on the ‘why here’ aspect. Originally I was a member of one of the old style ‘forums’ that many are familiar with in the tech world or old BBS days. You write something and post it, and sit back and wait for someone to log on and reply. One of the members suggested i look at this site called CDH. So I did. And that was amazing. But I was new to this world, so I just noodled around, learning, and I doubt I posted much. But there was always a feeling, not CDH’s fault, of ‘this is nice, but do I really fit here’.

      Then I saw this thing for joining TGH. Hmm, after some thought, I figured ‘isn’t that more ‘me”? And join I did. Slow at first. Hey, I was new, and I needed to show some respect, sit and learn, ask a few questions, don’t come off like a bull in a china shop.

      Slowly I got more and more involved, came across some extraordinarily wonderful information. Oh, and the members I came across left me thinking, ‘these are what the outside world says transgender people are like’. Nope, quite the opposite; just normal people, with the same hopes, dreams, fears, and aspirations as anyone else. We simple just happen to be transgender. Nothing more, nothing less.

      And then I started to make some friends here. And many took me under their wing ad helped me along. And then one day, and I do not know how or when, it hit me; I need to start trying to give back. So I became a Silver member and started to try to become the one that was helping others, and not the one relying on other’s to help me.

      And one thing led to another, and somewhere along the line, there was this great conspiracy, and I was asked to become what I am today. And I couldn’t be happier.

      So, when you wonder ‘why TGH’; ask yourself ‘why not TGH’ as well. For where else can you go? To another site that doesn’t afford you a place to be free of others that want to look at you with disgust, or as a piece of meat for the plucking? Or to another site, where the members are only about themselves, and you are just trying to find an online therapist because you travel all the time for work? Or a place where you want to do some reading to learn about all the stuff you need before you get surgery and there is nothing there?

      So it boils down to ‘if not TGH, where would we go’? We would be right back to square one, wandering around in the dark. And I don’t know about you, but that to me was scary. So, to paraphrase JFK, “Ask not what TGH can do for you, ask what you can do for TGH”……. Michelle

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    • #114384
      DeeAnn Hopings

      I retired and moved to the SoCal desert at the beginning of February 2016. From January 2017 until the end of March 2019 I was a board member for our local trans organization. I resigned due to a falling out with the leader of the organization. While I knew that there were many that had issues with her, I thought that it was largely due to trans and other phobias. Eventually I came to the conclusion that the problem was not them; it was her.

      I say this because it reinforced the notion of the trans community being unstable, not being able to work with each other, etc. In other words, it made us look even more unworthy. In terms of the rest of the community here (greater Palm Springs, CA), I am an outlier. At 72, I am much older than the vast majority of the community here. Intellectually I understand the challenges that younger folks have, but it is not part of my experience. My official and very public coming out was just 6 years ago; a few months before I retired. The ideas of job loss, home loss, no income, etc. were not part of my gender discovery and journey.

      Personally I don’t see a Transgender Agenda beyond folks having the same rights, privileges and freedoms as anyone else. There is no reason that trans folks should be subject to discrimination, job loss, etc. I’m on a motorsports forum with a political section. A few years ago someone asked how many trans people lived in the US. I quoted the data from the Williams Institute and added their caveat that there is likely some degree of under reporting in the numbers. One of the members couldn’t understand why there was under reporting. I had to explain to him that there were no protections for trans people in most of the states (something like 2/3 I think). What that says is that those in the majority of US states don’t care about trans people. I suspect that it also means they wish that they didn’t have to deal with trans people and wouldn’t lift a finger to try to understand the situation.

      If anyone has an agenda, it is conservatives. They have consciously chosen to attack trans people (eliminating trans related healthcare for trans youth, bathroom bills, athletic competition restrictions, etc.) because we are the most vulnerable. At a conservative 5% there are roughly 16,000,000 lesbians, gay men and bisexuals compared to about 2,000,000 trans adults and trans youth. It’s a lot easier to attack us and if successful, it becomes leverage: “Look at what we did to this bunch of sinners. Imagine what we can do to the rest of them (L’s, G’s and B’s).”. These are also the folks who think that conversion therapy works. The mental health community knows that it doesn’t and have said so. Further, 9 leaders and founders of ex-gay organizations released a public statement in 2016, I think, that says that they now realize the harm that they caused and that the process doesn’t work. Yet, that does not deter conservatives.

      Anyway, to shorten this, after I left the trans organization it occurred to me that I can leverage being out in the world and representing trans people in non-trans organizations. Every time they see me or hear me speak, it is a reminder that trans people exist and a group to be reckoned with. Currently I am the Volunteer Coordinator for Palm Springs Pride, Chair of the Cathedral City Public Arts Commission, Steering Committee Member of Desert Stonewall Democrats, Community Liaison Officer for my car club and Board Member for the LGBT Community Center of the Desert. So, for all the folks who want to think ill of trans people, I represent a contrary data point.

      As it relates to this site, I want to help those who show up at our door to realize that they are good people and that they can function well in this society. But, in order to do this, they must be in a good place mentally. Therefore, my goal is to assist this process based on my life experiences and a multitude of identities that are pretty different from the majority of the members here.

      One final point:

      A very thorough treatise of conservative political strategies and the trans community is contained in a book by trans woman Brynn Tannehill:

      Everything You Wanted To Know About Trans* (but were afraid to ask)

      The bibliography of the book is over 100 pages so there was a massive amount of research that went into putting it together

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