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The Woman Inside, Lauren’s Journey.
You have to leave the past behind!
I am writing a book about my journey, some have told me it will be an autobiography of memoirs, and so it shall be. I have been digging deep into the far recesses of my memory and have many recollections of things and events that occurred throughout my lifetime.
In the process of writing down memories one often experiences a wide range of emotions, depending upon what the recollections were. So I recalled a comment made by a very wise friend I now have who is also a trans woman. “…you are a new person now, there’s no returning, you move forward with your new life, straight and tall, and you have to leave the past behind.”
Yesterday I had a delightful time, I was invited to have lunch with two dear ladies I used to work with. They’re now back in the building several times a month, which is so good! We talked about so many things and had a great time together, but what was so wonderful for me, was the fact that, I was “one of the girls.” We talked and laughed and shared stories and they told me “…we just look at you as a woman, that’s who you are now.”
Two other women at work have also told me how amazed they are watching me “blossom” into the woman I am now, that they can see that I’ve become so comfortable as the person I truly am – and yes! It is wonderful! And despite dealing with the challenges and difficulties, and the emotions experienced in doing so, I can tell you, there is no going back, I move forward on this journey,
and I leave the past behind!Until next time, lots of hugs my wonderful girlfriends,
Ms. Lauren M
Yep Lauren, while the past must not be forgotten, I have found it best to leave it behind, where it was and how it was. I do not want to forget it because I always want it around in case I need to remember it to help me with something I’m currently dealing with. But so many people keep clinging to what happened in the past as if by doing so, something will change. Clinging to the past only keeps the frustration it caused, always present in our mind. So I try to reconcile the past, and keep it placed safely on that shelf in my mind.
BTW, if you haven’t thought about it, your stories would probably make for a good Article. Maybe something you would want to consider. Hugs, Michelle
Leaving the past is a challenge for me. In the past are the beginnings of all the relationships that in the now have deep and significant meaning for me.
At this point in my journey I am non-transitioning. It is those many relationships all with roots deep in the past that my deciding to live authentically would disturb. I am not yet ready to cause such disturbance.
Perhaps that will change. Only recently have I cleared the hurdle of embracing my own womanhood, i.e. I long to be a woman because at my soul level I am a woman. Successfully clearing that hurdle, I am much more aware that the journey before me seems less impossible than ever before. The mindset of the past with the nagging question , “how can I do this?” is slowly being replaced with the consideration, “Let me figure out how I can do this.”
But it is not yet come to the point where I can positively affirm, “The past not withstanding, I must do this.” My heart beats with excitement when I read of Lauren’s experience that in spending time with other woman she was, “just one of the girls,” and that . “We talked and laughed and shared stories and they told me “…we just look at you as a woman, that’s who you are now.” Oh my, nothing quickens my pulse more than the reality of just being accepted as a woman among cis women.
Thanks for sharing Lauren (& other ladies). This is why I am spending more than just lurking time here at TGH. I am expecting that this atmosphere will help me finally come to the place where I can forget the past in order to just “be one of the girls” or “at my age, one of the women.” And that’s OK by me because I would then be authentic.
Hugs,
Charlene
There was a great song about that.
Miriya
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