Okay, so the holiday festivities are completed, traffic is back to normal this time of year, and life resumes its natural busyness as we slide into 2020.
Our jeep developed a power steering leak during the early part of December; I added fluid, and then added more and more over the coming days and weeks in hopes of nursing it through to spring and warmer weather. No such luck. Early January 2020 the temperature dropped to -25 and more. One trip out I heard a loud pop; a fizzing, whirring sound and the steering wheel would barely turn…why does this matter?
I was going to the next town to pick up a prescription for my Amazing wife; it had to be done that day, and I wanted to do it for her. On that day I thought, I’ve gone into this store several times now being authentic. Most of the staff has known me for several years, so I was feeling very safe, and was, well, done up. Blingy, skinny girl jeans, knee high 2” heel leather boots, full length fur collared ladies coat, and my cute ponytail sticking out through my winter hat.
I was feeling so safe, cute, and confident, but then a very loud POP and whirring, fizzzz sound happened under the hood. Yes, I did get the prescription, but between the pop and the pick-up of meds, I spent several hours waiting for the jeep to be repaired at the local small prairie town mechanic shop. The owner and head mechanic and I were acquainted and friendly, with little attention paid to his very religious background or my choice in attire. We met and built rapport several years ago when I wore a big cowboy hat and dinner plate rodeo buckle.
So there I sat, perched on one of those high stools found in many automotive places, legs crossed at the knee, munching snacks, sipping coffee, and chatting with those who would engage me. The smell of exhaust fumes and engine grease was thick and heavy in the air, but the Dolce & Gabbana light blue I wore wafted through it like smoke through a keyhole. Guys would come in and instantly sniff the air, looking around for its source, and there “I am…”
At one point, I had wandered to the rear of the shop to look around for some other things I wanted; it was then that I heard someone say with a giggle, “Hey, where’s the pretty lady gone to?”
The tone sent chills. You know the kind; it just felt sarcastic. I looked up to see the owner glance in my direction from behind the counter,” just waiting for her vehicle,” he said and walked away from the counter disengaging.
The man quickly scanned the room, eye contact. I smiled, he looked away and blushed. I felt my soul expand. It was a flag planting moment. The guy sat in silence for a few minutes, and then he simply got up and left, asking that they call him when his truck was ready, which they agreed to do. No one looked up; they all kept doing their work. They were okay with my presence regardless of their personal beliefs. I respect that quality in any person…live and let live…
As I paid for the repairs, I thanked the owner and other three support staff. Remember, they were very fundamental religious guys, all related, with wives and kids, and all members of the same church. “Thanks for your kindness and not engaging the other fella,” I said.
He smiled, “That’s probably not your first time having to deal with that stuff, I’d imagine?” He asked a couple of more questions about my journey as the others quietly listened in, and I replied honestly, “I choose to not judge others; everyone has the ability, but you’re right, not everyone chooses to be kind, so thanks.”
By not forcing my way in but just being present, and grateful for the space to “be,” I was given the opportunity to share some of what it has been like navigating this expansion of my authentic self. A brief synopsis outlining the journey from cocaine addiction and suicide attempts, to realizing that I was created by the same Creator as every other thing on the planet; he agreed.
I told him that I am learning to accept and like me first, and then maybe one day, I’ll love what the master has created instead of hating it and wanting to kill it, ( I giggled here.) So here I am, taking one step at a time in faith.
I received an intimate moment to share with an audience that has a much larger influence. I received support for my adventure, was thanked for showing self-acceptance, and my own soul once more expanded. And I realized the importance of making sure your power steering pump is in good shape!
This week’s Reset is simply: Remember to “look for opportunities” to expand yourself and others safely and honestly. Simply by showing up, being present and seen, affords us opportunities to be witnessed and maybe understood a little better going forward.
This is what allowed the space for sharing and teaching, and thus expanding many souls. I am grateful for the opportunities and grateful for you for being exactly who you are!