Love Appears in Whatever Form it Chooses

I met my partner when he was in a female body, and I loved our relationship. It wasn’t long before he confided in me that he was transgender and needed to transition to male. I was confused; I questioned my own identity, our relationship, and what would happen next to us and between us. I began to write daily in a journal; I highly recommend this process to help you work through your own struggles. As I wrote, I’d ask my partner if he wanted to hear what I had written about my experience. It kept us connected in a way that I originally didn’t know how important it would turn out to be. This process helped save our relationship. It allowed him to see how much I was going through, even though the majority of our focus was on him and his physical changes. It was a chaotic time, but the one thing I knew for sure was how much I loved and wanted to be with him. Yes, partly because he is Trans, but he is so much more than that…. funny, intelligent, generous, and empathetic. All the same qualities that drew me to him originally.

Later, a publisher asked me to publish my journal. I left the decision to my partner. I knew what an amazing tool it could be for creating positive change. My guy bravely said, “Go ahead.” Doing so gave me the opportunity to be a supportive voice within our community. Our personal story was a message that could help to educate others, to provide answers to difficult questions, and to create real change. Personally, it’s a vulnerable thing to do, and every time I speak about our love and our place in our community I feel that exposure. I tend to feel conflicted about creating allies. We still struggle as a couple; he identifies as straight and me as queer. We have figured out a way to balance each other in our desire for autonomy. Recently, I had the opportunity as a Ted Speaker to speak to a large audience at Tedx Provincetown. I was terrified, but I knew it was a moment where my voice could be heard loud and benefit our community. I spoke about our Trans relationship, and most importantly, about love. I have permission to share my speech on this site. It’s my wish that this video will inspire hope and help educate others on such an important topic. I am happy to be here as a trans partner, and I thank you for including me.❤️

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZZHQJI2844

 

 

 

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Ali Sands

I am a queer identified female, and I’ve been with my trans male partner for 16 years. We have been together before, during and after his transition from female to male. Thru his process I questioned my own identity and wrote about it in a journal, which is now a published book. We have realized as a couple that we can use our stories publicly to create space for education, understanding and ultimately, allies. I speak publicly a lot now as a partner and recently gave a Ted Talk about my experience. I love connecting with other partners and sharing stories to support eachother!

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6 Comments
  1. Roxanne Lanyon 1 week ago

    Again,
    I am so envious of you both! I wish I could be like that, I would simply yell, yahoo! I would be such a wonderful girl for him, or at least I would try! I would be mcanoe84, every day for my lover.
    Roxanne Lanyon

  2. Roxanne Lanyon 2 weeks ago

    What a wonderful experience! I am so happy for you both! I hope, someday, I can share an experience like that. I hope, one day, I will be able to be a wife to a loving, gentle man. I hope all the years being Roxanne can pay off into a sweet, loving, caring relationship. I hope!
    Your Roxanne Lanyon

  3. Marianne Tornander 3 weeks ago

    Thank you All for sharing your experiences and point of view.

    Marianne

  4. Cloe (CC) Webb 4 weeks ago

    Ali,
    I listened to your TedX talk and your message of love is one that far too often gets overlooked in the quest to be ourselves and the conversations that surround it. Too often people get hung up on the sexual side of life, confusing it for the type of love you so eloquently describe. In fact, there are a myriad of reasons people miss the target. Love is active and requires much introspection itself and yes very often just plain vanilla. As one who was unable to find that ground where we could continue our relationship I ached to know what you have found. As I continue my journey I’ve been mindful not to bury that part of myself out of self preservation, after all that was a closet I had just bulldozed. In the process I discovered the same truth you did. True love is genderless.
    Hugs, Cloe

  5. Carla Roberts 4 weeks ago

    Thank you for sharing, and for being there through it all!

  6. Cami Jansen 4 weeks ago

    Thank you for sharing your inspirational story Ali.
    Best wishes to you both xx

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