Once We Decide

Hey beautiful souls, I wish you an amazing week!

‘I just have to figure out what I want now’ she said, ‘once I know that, I can easily imagine it and day dream about it with huge emotions 24/7, but knowing what I want is the hardest thing ever for me.’

‘How do you know, until you know?’  I agreed.

After all, I had bought and sold a sailboat and never put it in the water, but I have indeed been sailing and will continue.

En Femme Style

I have bought and sold many, many things I thought I wanted, until I had them and came to the realization that in fact, not really. I have also had other experiences that were not what I had imagined them to be.

Some people just seem to know with every fiber of their being and from an incredibly young age, the specific character they want to play in life, the lifestyle their character will experience while playing out this amazing adventure called life. Its like they knew before they got there. I knew at four years old that I was different than some guys, back then I repressed.

In this conversation I was reminded that not so long ago, a silent Char sat motionless behind closed dark curtains, with the door locked; wearing leggings and a T top, make up and painted toes. I was dressed comfortably, in secret, the Dolce perfume mixed with the scent of shame and self-hatred filling the air.

I had let go of feeling like I would rather die than be exposed as different; I had tried before on more than one occasion to end my suffering and now my new choice, to grow, was taking foot hold.

‘To know what you want first,
is to first know, what you do not want.’

Here is a simple exercise that helped me tremendously to sort through the noise of my mind and gain more clarity of my next steps.

I begin by writing a title on a sheet of paper, ‘I Do Not Want’ at the top, number and wrote down the left side in point form everything you currently know you dod not want to have, do or be. Include everything you can think of in each area of your life.

One of my lists looked like this:

I do not want

  1. to feel ashamed of how I look
  2. to suffer any more from self judgement
  3. to feel alone and lonely
  4. to hate who I see in the mirror
  5. to be sick, tired and uninspired

Now, once you have a nice long list, title a second page, ‘A step closer to what I do want.
On this page, write the exact opposite of each number on the previous page.

The opposite of my 1, is: to feel proud and confident about my appearance,

  1. to feel whole self-acceptance
  2. to feel welcomed and respected
  3. to love who I see in the mirror
  4. to feel alive, inspired and full of energy as much as possible.
  5. I then repeat the exercise getting more precise each time.

This exercise has helped me to find more clarity in knowing what experiences, emotions, possessions, contributions, and spontaneous adventures I want to have during my time in this play called life. By getting clear about just the next step, you will automatically lean forward into your next adventure and knowing more of what you want, next.

I also like to remember that each time any one of us grows one tiny step forward and models it on the planet, someone else’s heart gives them permission to progress one step more toward intentionally and consciously creating their own amazing life.

Once we decide it is, and we see it almost like a video game where you observe the show and participate in it at the same time, then the world becomes the stage on which we, the driver, choose and create who our character is, how they look, and feel most of the time, the life style, the amount of money they make and so on.

This week, rediscover what you want to create and experience on your adventure called life. There are no limits of what you can want other than those imposed by the self and nature.

 I am grateful for all of your questions and comments.

Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for  being exactly who you are!




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From a life of struggle, addiction and suicide attempts, to Published Author, Certified Life Coach/Certified Hypnotist and building an online support service for peeps like us. Intentionally and Consciously Creating a Rewarding, Abundant Life of Purpose, Passion & Possibility is what I Am all about...

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Jaiylyn Lawley
Jaiylyn Lawley(@jaiymelynne)
3 years ago

Char, wow, once again you got me. Thank you. I’ve not done that specific exercise, but I will. I have thought about it a lot though. I accept myself now. BUT if I go all the way down the road, what then? What do I do? That’s what I have a hard time understanding or seeing. Who will be my friends, if my old ones fail? Which they ain’t that strong to begin with, actually. Sad to say. But I think my own “secrets and lies" hold me back from opening up. I’ve been, as you mention, repressed for 50… Read more »

Vanessa Law
Active Member
Vanessa Law(@vanessa)
3 years ago

Love your beautiful smile dear!

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