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Claudia Newday1

Exploring an untapped side of my sexuality. My story is the same in a lot of ways. But in other ways it is a lot different: I didn't want to be a girl like so many did before the age of 10, and I did not have any special desire to dress up. Instead I remember fragments of time when I embraced my femininity. SO MUCH of this was forgotten, but I believe mostly now that it was ignored, but perhaps just for the moment, for that place in time, that it was remanded to the back of my memory for a time when I understood it better. Nothing in memory however, is truly forgotten - it is only disassembled. So I am now in the process of recalling these tiny fragments of time and assembling them into a cohesive story of the human being I knew but could not identify in those precious early years. Those precious, precious days when I was, if anything at all, a pure gift bestowed upon this world by the Milky Way. I still am that gift that I was, and I am my own gift if nobody in this world thinks it is so. But I must get to know it. The fragments of me that I must find again go back to 14 months old when I remember being in a crib, standing up against the rails, looking, listening. The prospect of truly getting to know that little person, still untainted by negation and not yet yielding to the quiet demand to be something he was not, is an exciting one for me. Lucky for me, all that I need is the scene to be recalled, and I can remember the minute detail of the moment, and most importantly for this exercise, exactly how I felt. Claudia

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