45 married bisexual submissive transgender non-binary individual. Most of that last sentence I've known and accepted for a very long time, the transgender and non-binary are the newest. NOT that the feelings are new but the courage to start using them to describe myself are new. Honestly I'm still not really sure where exactly I fit in that respect. I've known and felt I'm a woman trapped in a mans body for as long as I can remember and wish my physical appearance reflected the the soul I believe to be inside me. For a long time I thought 'transgender' was reserved for only those who transition their gender via surgery &/or medicine. Not that I've ever judged anyone that has referred to themselves as transgender and didn't fit that, just that, I hadn't been comfortable calling myself transgender when I've had no surgeries and haven't started HRT yet. Recently I found out that is not the case and I'm trying to more openly call/consider myself transgender. I believe I'm probably transgender woman but leaving non-binary at this point as I feel its the most accurate description of me today. I wish scifi methods of gender change were not only possible but readily/easily available instead of the reality we have. I want to start HRT, considering doing so very soon, but everytime I start to take the next step something stops me, I'm not sure what. I'm not sure if its my fear of the judgement I'm sure I'll receive from family, friends, acquaintances, strangers. The current political/social attacks on transgender and our rights to just live seriously concerns me. My concerns about the cost, side effects, potential of my wife leaving me, all of which I know I'll be facing. In many ways made worse by the fact that I've been unemployed for over 3.5yrs, can't find work, at this point living on wife's income alone and that when I last discussed with wife and thought I had the courage to start then (several years ago, she was less then receptive to me doing anything more then dressing at home.) I know I'll need to face all of those but don't plan on letting ANY of them from taking my next steps to just be me. For those its more about is it the right time, I don't know that it is the right time to take the next steps of starting HRT. However I'm not getting any younger and I'm already wishing I'd started years ago. Every step I have taken, like wearing panties, wearing my first bra, going by a 'female' name, wearing panties daily, going to get my first manipedi, getting sugared, having my nails painted regularly, getting laser hair removal, wearing women's clothes, growing my hair out, choosing my 'girl name' that I hope to one day have my legal name and gender changed to. I haven't regretted any of those and have been happier for doing each of them. What I think has been holding me back is my fear that it might be something deeper I should be concerned about that I don't yet realize. Has anyone else been in this situation?