Hi, girlfriends. Let me tell you that I am an avid reader. I enjoy histories, biographies, professional works, and science fiction. I read a sci-fi story years ago by Robert Heinlein, with assistance from Spider Robi so post mortem. The book is titled Variable Star. The story struck a loud chord in me. Without violating copyrights, I want to explain what impacted me so.
As in most good adventures, the protagonist faced many crises. This character had to face several hard questions in the course of the book.
1. WHO ARE YOU? Exactly Who am I in the comfort of my own home, late at night, with no one around. Not my name, or what I do, or who I know. Who am I when there is no audience, no task, no expectation, nobody to impress? (Let’s face it, girls, when we’re observable, we play a role… parent, spouse, sibling, child, boss, etc.) Who is this person when I have no role to play. Hmmmm! I’m not sure I know.
2. HOW DID YOU GET HERE? What influences and forces have contributed to who I am. Not only what have I learned, but also ‘how the heck did I learn it?’. What has driven me to do the things I have done? What fertilizer helped me grow? What poisons withered my flowers? This might be the easiest question for me to answer.
3. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? What are my goals? My desires? My life destination? How do I want my life to be next month, or next year, or in 10 years. What exactly do I want for my life? What is my purpose in this world? Damn! I have to admit that I don’t have a clear answer for myself.
4. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO GET THERE? Am I in charge of my life, or am I just drifting through this life waiting to see what happens? Am I really that passive and docile? How can I bring about my destination… wander blindfolded, or consult the map for direction? What will I do when I’m there? Double Damn! Sometimes I don’t know WTF I’m doing.
5. HOW IS IT WORKING OUT FOR YOU? Do my actions contribute to my aims, or am I sabotaging myself. Am I on course? Do I need to make corrections? Am I making progress? I hope so, but I’m not sure.
These questions have never gone away since I read them. I am way to eger to know the full answers. I get impatient and frustrated when I can’t be clear to mysef. Yet, the search for answers has been more than rewarding. It has also been painful.
I find these questions extremely important, especially in light of my transgender journey. Each of them strike me to the core. Each of them promise and deliver incredible personal growth and insight I to this woman called Carly. Powerful enough to compel me to share them with you.
I love you all, and wish you peace, love and health in abundance.
More Articles by Carly Holloway
- Strength — integrate and differentiate (Pt. 2)
- What happened in Vegas
- A new Direction, a new Life
- Integrate and Differentiate
- Thoughts about “Passing”