To be sure exactly who we are at times is often obscure. Today, I am the most unsure I have ever been.
Growing up as the youngest of five in a single parent home, I had many good times and wouldn’t change any of it. A family friend influenced me, and I think it changed the course of my life at a very young age. Although I was able to make my own decisions, I usually went along with whatever was to be.
At first I had a lot of guilt, but I was easily influenced each time and eventually adapted to the routine, and the rest is history. At the age of 25, I decided I needed to be hetero, living life by hiding from my past, and yet secretly seeming to always be comparing the past to the present.
After two and a half failed marriages, I have come to realize that I may have issues affecting my daily life. I need to think about and then try to understand how all of this impacts me.
When I discovered the transgender world, I wanted to learn as much as I could about it. I tried to understand the similarities in my own life. I’ve always known that there is a part of me, something within me that is not masculine and likes everything feminine.
Every day, I hide behind a masculine mask, afraid to allow myself to reveal who I really am and show the world the true me. I am a transgender ally who has much love and compassion for all transgender people, and as I’m discovering, I have more in common than I once believed.
I’m sure there are others who may be a bit confused, same as me, but I would tell those who are afraid to come out to just do it and begin a new life without shame or guilt. Begin to live the life you really want instead of hiding. I still hide, I can’t help it, it’s why I wish for myself and others to stop being afraid and to start living their true life.
I’m becoming more accepting of myself, and I love and respect everything transgender.