For the last 9 months and 28 days I’ve been living as a woman all day, every day. At home, at work, and out in the world I am a woman. Whether I’m exercising or relaxing, spending time with friends or alone I am me.
I know that many transgender woman who haven’t transitioned long for a few brief hours to express themselves. Like a child before Christmas morning they’re enraptured by the experience, and the intoxication of being yourself seeps into your pores like an addictive drug. You might find yourself swinging from highs to lows based on how true you’ve been to your soul this week, or this month.
I’ve had a few ladies mention to me that they’d love to present as a woman whenever they want – no doubt anticipating the rapture that authentic living provides. But what does womanhood feel like?
In my experience womanhood feels like nothing. There is no spectacular fireworks display and no mind blowing bliss – merely the harmony of life dancing in time with itself. The song that was sung out of key is now as it should be. The notes in my soul resonate, and create a melody where before there was noise. But the music doesn’t overwhelm you with it’s presence. This is no rock concert that shocks your system awake. Rather, it’s the gentle lapping of waves on the shore – bringing peace, bringing calm. Ultimately it’s the backing vocals to the symphony of your life. Enhancing and supporting, never leading.
To me, being a woman feels like the most natural thing in the world. It feels as how everything was meant to be – it’s not something special, it’s just who I am. My transition hasn’t solved all my problems, but it has allowed me to approach them without a cacophony of discordance drowning my life force.
Womanhood feels like nothing, and that’s the best thing I could ever have hoped for.
If you’ve transitioned, how would you describe your feeling of womanhood?
If you haven’t, how do you imagine womanhood would feel?
Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)
- Looking in the mirror – my road to facial feminization surgery - May 15, 2012
- Led by my emotions - May 3, 2012
- I’m Not Ashamed - April 22, 2012