Hi, Ben. I don’t think you are being intrusive, and I appreciate your wish to develop the character genuinely. It may be that the presentation depends on the story, and the character’s role in the story. We all have very different stories of our journey, and the ways we present ourselves in the world. Some ladies have slipped in their new lives seamlessly, and other ladies have huge struggles in the world. I think it would be difficult to offer a ‘one-size-fits-all’ trans character.
It may be worth your while to get to know your coworkers better, and speak with them candidly bout your book. I, personally, would not be offended by this approach, and you might just end up with a delightful new friend or two. I don’t know how much help I could offer, but would be willing to exchange ideas here via private messages.
Good luck with your book idea.