It might seem like my life was going well, but anyone who has gone thru transitioning knows it is not easy. Yes, there are highs, but also lows with plenty of hardships, embarrassing moments and important decisions to be made. But certainly the day I began HRT’s was a highlight. Taking that first pill was so exciting and I almost immediately felt something happening. I know now it was just my body reacting as it does to any strong new prescription, but at the time I got so excited how quickly it was working and I would soon began developing boobs. Of course, reality quickly set in. Yes, I would begin to develop boobs, but it would be a long process and in the end I never developed the boobs of my dreams and three years ago had breast augmentation – not huge but just nice size that I love as does my now husband.
So I was now really on my way to becoming a girl and began to go out in public more wearing my padded bra with pads I had bought. My hair was now getting long, my voice had deepened a little, but still high enough that while dressed as a girl it did not give me away. I would go grocery shopping or on other errands while dressed with my mom and go to the Mall with my sister to shop or window shop or mix with her friends. The only time I wore boy clothes was to school where I was now a sophomore. One of the hard times was Easter dinner with my aunt and uncle and their two boys, my cousins. My parents had told them about my transition, but when they came the boys joined my brother in picking on me and thinking I must be crazy to want to be a girl and not become a man. My sister and I wore our new Easter dresses and I felt so much like a girl as I had just started HTR, but their hasseling me really ruined my day. There were occasions when my brother’s hasseling really got to me and I went to my room in tears – especially after I had started HTR’s when I cried a lot more. But my sister would always come in my room and calm me down saying how great it was to be a girl.
That spring I turned 16 there was something else that became important in my transitioning. My dad’s mother had recently died and my grandfather had died a couple years before. I rarely saw them since they lived in another part of the country and in fact can’t remember ever really having a conversation with my dad’s father. The important part in my transition is that with both of them now gone, my dad was an only child. My grandparents weren’t exactly super rich or anything, but they sure weren’t poor and so my parents inherited a lot of money, but also a lot of stuff including family hierlooms, furniture, etc. My parents decided they would move into a bigger, nicer house that they could now afford. So that spring they began searching for a new house which they found and just as the school year was ending we moved. Important for me was that it was in a different school district so I would start school my junior year in a different school. I had already decided that I would transition to full time as a girl after I graduated. I couldn’t bear going to school as a girl and all the hassle from the people who knew me as a boy. But with starting a new school in a different neighborhood gave me a chance to “start over.” It was my sister who first mentioned the idea of going full time and when I mentioned that to my therapist she thought that it might work as she thought I was ready to take that next big, I mean really huge jump. So by the time school ended and we had moved, the decision was made to do it. That was a busy summer for me. My mom worked as a secretary in a law office so my parents met with a lawyer to discuss legal issues like changing my name. So that summer I legally became Jennifer Shaw, but of course my sex was still indicated as male. My dad as a high school teacher and coach new coaches at my new school so made arrangement to meet with the school principal. There were several meetings with the principal, assistant principle, guidance counselors. They wanted to meet me so one day came to our house. I think they were pretty surprised at how I looked and it became apparent I could pass as a girl. The big issue was that they did not want me using the girls locker room or bathrooms. That was the tough tissue. It was finally decided that I would not take gym class and would be restricted to use the woman’s bathroom in the office and that all the office workers would be told about me.
It is getting late so I better stop again. More when I get time.
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