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I’ve been out as a MTF trans woman since about May 2021. I’ve endured a fair amount of verbal abuse – thankfully, not overtly threatening – almost entirely from children and teenagers. I live in a fairly low-income area here in the UK, but this does happen in other places. Whatever adults might think of an older, transgender woman who dresses conservatively and tries her hardest not to draw attention to herself, they usually keep it to themselves. But young people who, it seems, are more easily shocked by someone a little different, feel free to proffer mockery and contempt. Perhaps they are the kind of people who enjoy bullying others and carry it out against many other kinds of young people too.
Perhaps others have different experiences? Please share them.
Hi Rebecca,
I have transitioned and I’m now living as and am legally a female. I “pass” most of the time but do occasionally get “read”. I’ve only had one situation so far where I was singled out and verbally abused, I was with a girlfriend and we were shopping for groceries. All of a sudden a young girl came up and hip bumped me quite hard at the same time shouting out loudly: “Excuse me! Sir!!”, and then quickly running off. It all happened so fast that we really didn’t have a response, but it really didn’t matter as she was the one with the problem, not me. It seems to be young girls that age who feel they need to point us out if they think we’re trans, not sure why they feel that is necessary, but…Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Lauren, you have described the sort of embarrassing public encounter I keep expecting, but which (so far) has failed to materialize. You’re right: the young girl was the one with the problem. She certainly wasn’t worth chasing down or making a big(ger) scene over. Oddly enough, perhaps, I worry more about testosterone-fueled young males, who might see someone like you and I as a rejection of their “manly” ideal. Young girls I’ve had to deal with so far (so far!) have been uniformly nice – if they read me (many probably did), they didn’t let on or make any big deal. I mean, when you’re in a restroom at Disneyland washing your hands, with a young mom and her kids one one side and a teenage girl on the other, you’re in the lion’s den — and nothing untoward happened. Hell, I even briefly shared a mirror with a teenager who was fussing with her hair. Kinda cool experience, actually!
Not once have I been insulted, accosted or reviled on the street! I’m 220 lbs and and about 6′ 2″ in heels, so no one dares stare or, dare I say, cares what I wear!
Mind you, I live in a very LGBT friendly part of the world. I recently had breakfast with 3 other trans women in town and no one gave us much notice. We giggled, talked a little dirty, talked about family acceptance, and not one person made a fuss at us!
I really feel for you girls in unfriendly territory. I’m not sure what I’d do, but I think safety-in-numbers is the way to go.
I’m kind of in a similar position as Barb. I’m still (blush!) north of 200 lbs. and 5’10”. And I – if I am honest with myself – don’t come off visually as a 100% certain, no-question-about-it, born woman. But I apparently manage it (the look, the moves, etc.) just well enough that I can live 24/7 as a woman, go everywhere a woman goes and do what women do in their normal lives, and I get by just fine. Went solo to Disneyland yesterday – had a great day and had absolutely no hassles or issues from anyone. Like Barb, I live in a very cosmopolitan and fairly “liberal” region. And I am sure that has a lot to do with the (so far!) ease of my daily living. But I do share the opinions above about the potential for snottiness and bullying from younger people, especially teens. When in public, I am always especially on the alert when I am having to pass near a group of youngsters. All I can say is, either I come off better than I give myself credit for, or else I just haven’t run into any young a**holes yet. Lord knows there were enough young’uns at D-Land yesterday, and yet not a sneer or snicker did I perceive. There may be some hope for the younger generation after all. 🙂
Ya know.,. I’m beginning to believe if no one is looking for us, then they don’t really notice us! And, we do look better than we think!! My friends tell me so. In fact, sometimes they say I look too good and attract positive attention! Of course, I don’t believe them. LOL!!
Just a couple of days ago, I met my friend at her place. We then clippy-clopped our way to meet others from our PRIDE community at a nice coffee shop on our restored Main Street. The high school just got out and there was a line of teenagers coming towards us. Yikes!! I didn’t time that well! However, not one said anything negative and they all gave us old gals ample sidewalk room too!
:B
So I’m on the sister site CDH and I wrote about this there. It seems to be the idiot teenage boys that are the culprit. I was out one night getting my fiancé and myself something to eat. I was going through a drive through so I just left my leggings on with a womens shirt and jacket on. No forms, makeup or anything else feminine. When I pulled up to the window to pay and get our food the teenage boy at the window apparently noticed my leggings and notified the rest of the mainly teenage crew working that there was a guy in leggings at the window. They slowly came one by one to see the guy in leggings. I really didn’t give a s*** and just sat there and let them have their fun. The funny thing about this is that you can go by any American highschool during football practice and a great number of teenage boys with athletic leggings on under their shorts. And let’s face it their football pants are nothing but Capri leggings with pads built into them. At least my leggings were cute and had some style to them.
The point of this is teenagers are horrible beings. Most of them take any occasion to make fun of people that are anything out of the norm because they’re so awkward and insecure it somehow makes them feel better about their own insecurities. I know we all were a teenager once. I was ridiculed over numerous things when I was a teenager. My weight, the fact I had my own style of dressing that wasn’t necessarily the norm, the fact I was more sensitive than a normal boy, the fact I accepted all people around me (I was friends with everyone no matter what their situation was). I was and still am a large person so bullying me didn’t really happen because I think fear kicked in due to the fact I was one of the biggest kids at my school. At 15 I was 6′ 4″ and 230 lbs. Not someone that a smaller person would toy with. It was my saving grace due to the fact I wouldn’t have hurt a flea if I had to and I’m still that way today.
I don’t understand the mindset of a bully. There’s no call for one person to make fun of another because they’re different. In general most of society are horrible people. They’re very self centered and anything out of the norm causes them to react to those people who are different in a terrible manner that is extremely hurtful and extremely detrimental to the person they are acting out towards. I have spent lots of time trying to change other peoples perceptions of certain groups. It never helps nor does it make a difference. I quit years ago. I treat others as I wish to be treated. I hope that it doesn’t go unnoticed and that it is appreciated by those who notice it.
As we all know being trans is hard road to hold. Every member of our community has a hard time in our own context. Things seem to be improving but we’ve got a long way to go. Certain groups are further along than others in within our community and that’s awesome! Hopefully all of us will be accepted and loved by all in the near future.
Peace, Love, Happiness and Joy to all!
Jessica
Funny realy liveing in Birmingham the second biggest city in the uk .thinking it’ll be more laid back not realy yes you have plenty of people who except trans women people .but place are excepting Theatre shops restaurant entertainment place ?,it just when you go city walking around.you may have to put a scarf on cover your mouth so no one can see your whole of your face.i tend to do this but make dress up not allways in a dress many the im in nice jeans dress but tie it disciss it but im all femail look like i had a week of no abuse .but i tend get from one two teens Romania who stuck in the 40s but one or two adult different time i have felt low .but last a day . So i just carry on ignore them I’m liveing my life this makes me happy, i feel happy and i just feel i get less rubbish in numbers. So i have been out with my friend in this place i go .but feel stronger in number with a group of number of trans thats what im going to set up soon .meet for dinner at nice restaurant as friends? Not place we talk about anything exempt trans stuff.Big hugs
Charlotte-Mia.I have been out shopping in a fairly conservative area in central Florida (plant city) and so far have had no adverse reactions at all in fact I’ve had two ladies ask me about my hair if it’s my natural color. Lol had to admit today it was a wig to my questioner it does get easier the more you venture out and get comfortable with your look a little confidence in your style along with a smile goes a long way
Be Vigilant! Remember that Crazies walk amongst us.
Here in the Coachella Valley (Palm Springs, my home town of Cathedral City, Palm Desert, Rancho Mirage, etc.) is mostly welcoming, BUT. There have been incidents of personal violence.
A couple of months before I arrived in January of 2016, a gay male couple was attached outside of a bar one night in Palm Springs. While their injuries were non-life threatening, one of the men died from a heart arachnid the next day.
In Desert Hot Springs, a deaf lesbian couple were in a convenience store. They were signing to each other, but another customer thought they were talking about her and began to attack the 2 women.
In the summer of 1999, a headless body of a trans woman was found. Also missing were her hands and feet. 11 years later, her head was found and a DNA analysis was used to connect the head with the body. To this day, the murderer remains unknown.
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