Hi Toni… Lukcia again,
I can’t tell you I followed my own advice, but I wish I did.
I presented myself to my father once, and he took me outside and threatened to kill me if I was queer.
I stayed away from him from then on, that was 1978, and I never talked to him again. I never tried to slowly have him see me. He died in 2008 and I didn’t attend his funeral.
I came out to my older brother Jim in 1995. He acted tolerant, but told the family of the pervert.
Over the years I confided my desire to be a girl with very few, and lost almost every friend I had. I had to sit down and analyze why they all immediately ran from me. I learned that they were never my friends, we shared the bullshit of “man-dom”. Stupid shit we all knew we didn’t actually believe in. Our intimacy was the “Too Frequent” high-fives.
I waited so long to let those I thought were my friends to know about me slowly, respectfully; what a waste of time.
Go see your doctor, come out fully to your doctor. Seek psychological advice from an actual psychologist. Then come out: come out modestly, tastefully: but come out. Your true friends will stick by you, your false friend will depart quickly.
Don’t be afraid, don’t go to cowboy bars at Texas A&M, plan on watching as your long established social circle disintegrates. Take your time, let people come to you and express support, let a new social circle surround you with truth and love instead of bullshit and misogyny.
It will happen. Who you are was always there, a curtain of the girl to be. Many already knew, more only suspected, a few that knew you truly were quietly waiting.
Don’t make my mistake and crush the girl inside until they couldn’t hurt me any more. I am 68, retired, safe, but really wish I had courage years ago.
Love
Lukcia
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