Shame, yes absolutely. Guilt and fear were also a part of it.
Why? Well, when I was young, boys were boys and girls were girls. It was so distinct and divided. Moms still dressed like June Cleaver and Dads wore suits and ties. At holidays boys got new suits and girls got frilly dresses and patent leather Mary Janes. Only I wanted the frilly dress and Mary Janes but couldn’t tell anyone. Mom even added to that shame as I was pudgy and she made the comment that if I didn’t lose weight she’d have to buy me a girdle. Little did she know I was already wearing hers and loved it!
When I was old enough to have money and buy things it felt like I was the only shopper in the store and all eyes were on me as I tried to find what size panties or stockings I needed. Then paying at the cashier??? OMG it was an interrogation, the Spanish Inquisition!
It took a long time before I accepted who I am and gave up all those feelings. But yes, there was shame.
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