I feel the same way. Did my best to be a man, was kind to others and built two careers over 50 years.
During most of thiose years I was not going to be allowed to be Lukcia, and I sure couldn’t afford to become Lukcia.
I can now become Lukcia, I can now afford to become Lukcia.
I could have malfunctioned years ago when Gender Dysphoria was a daily torment. I carefully fed my inner girl with short vacations to perform my “Happy Girl Dance”. Junior year in college I took a semester of Belly Dancing; gosh, I came so close to throwing everything male away. I learned to belly Dance like a girl, but at the end of the semester when we were suppose to put on a dance show for the college, the instructor won’t let me be a girl dancer.
So many times I could have malfunctioned. Retired as a field Grade Officer in the US Army and eventually as an USDA Federal Agent. Society wasn’t ready for me back then; hell, I wasn’t ready for me back then. But now!! Watch out Girl.