Are you “Transgender” or “Woman” (or “Man”)?


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    • #85895

      I’ve been wondering how many people that transition (or are transitioning) no longer identify as transgender, and how many use that identifier in public or in certain situations.

    • #85913

      I am who I am. Labeled male at birth but female in my mind and heart. I just want to be who I am without the pressure to ‘pass’ because when I look in the mirror and see Joy I smile and say I like you. When I’m in ‘guy’ mode it feels like I’m looking at a stranger.


    • #85977

      I am me. who I was will never change, but who I will be always is changing. I cannot change who I was born as, and I have to accept it.

      That being said, even after I transition, even if I have bottom surgery, I will prefer to be referred to as who I am then, but willing to be open and honest about who I was.

      I cannot change who I was. I can only work to change who I will be.

    • #86013
      Dawn J

      With transition, I would consider myself, fully, a woman and that’s how I would present & identify with new contacts. However, there is family & there are people with whom I would still need to associate that knew me as male. I’d have no choice but to identify as transgendered with them.

    • #86645

      I think there are many answers that could be made here.

      My transition is not complete and still waiting for the virus chaos to end so it surgey can be scheduled. Three appoinments canceled in the past three months for the run up meeting with all staff involved in the procedure.

      When I found it essental to tell my family, and specifically with my son and daughter, I told them that I can only be their father until the day I die albeit I didn’t wish to be ‘outed’ in public by using that word. In private my daughter will call me Dad. My son cannot agree to meet me in person and the present situation keeps it from being possible in addition. But I have good relationships with both as with the whole of my family.

      I have no issue discussing who I am with anyone if they approach that with respect. I divulge my history to those I like and want in my life and only them. I know that a number of people are aware I am Transgender and fine with that being the case.

      My perspective is that no other person goes about thier daily life feeling they need to explain who they are! Why should I? While I use the word Transgender to describe myself to many, I am a person who has made my choice of how I choose to life it.  By subscribing to ‘Tags’ we play the game os isolation, division etc and one which I have contenton with. A tool of the media and ruling forces that can plant concepts and bad thoughts about u and other sectors of the humanity. Watch the documentary Disclosure,about and made by trans people, to see what I mean for yourself. Imagine what a powerful force we could be if we were able to unite as one, we would be a very large and powerful group to face with and try to control
      Stay strong ladies and have faith and belief in yourself xx

    • #86659

      I have no problem revealing my being transgender, but it’s not my lead story.  Basically it’s on a need to know basis.  If it somehow builds up a relationship either business, friend, romantic or otherwise then I will likely reveal it.  If it could be destructive of such then why do it?  But, to the question about community.  I have no problem representing community as a member, whether I do it as an advocate I’m not sure.  I’d need some convincing to go there.

    • #86792

      Great poll question. This is a question hugely on my mind right now. I’m known to a lot of people in my community and people are going to notice as my changes take place. I think it would be easier to leave the past behind if I could but that might hurt the people I’m close with and in my case it’s not really possible. I’m 6 weeks into hrt so trans here I come!

    • #86795

      Wow such great comments so far. I especially like Joy’s line about seeing a stranger in the mirror in male mode. I have those feelings as well, and when I look at JaiymeLynne I see myself, if that makes sense. I think people from my past will have to know, then if they accept me, I will accept that. New people in my life, as I get to know, build relationships, if I get close enough I think I would come out as transgender. If Iwere to have GRS, then I believe I am a woman then, and would live as and be a woman to everyone. Not sure if that is in my future, but things change as we move along the path.

    • #86796

      Its a great question I believe I will always be a transgender woman. This life long battle has just worn me out. I was not born with the body that matched my brain. I have to accept I will never be considered a “woman’ by society in general. It is enough that this community does accept me . I no longer have any shame about who I am. That was huge for me . Trying to explain to others out side this community WHY I feel this way is just getting tiresome. I know they will never understand. How could they? It must be wonderful to be born with a body and brain that were in sync with each other . No matter how much success I ever achieved in my life, my gender identity always came into question by me. I hid it from most and only expressed it when i got tired of hiding. That should of been settled at birth so long ago. I guess I am still a little angry about having to still deal with this issue. It just will not go away. Maybe the reason for these feelings i have are getting so much more intense is a reminder that this issue needs to be resolved. I have no problem defending or even advocating for those who have our issue because these feelings are real and you in this community are proof. We do have to work together an support each other so that future generations that may have to deal with this issue can get the help they need before their bodes start to change. Just a few thoughts Luv Stephanie

    • #86803

      I love your comments! As one who started her new journey in the later stages of her life, I find it very difficult to hide my past when so many knew my former self.. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!

    • #87171

      I am transitioning late in life. My old friends have given me constant rebuttal. It has not changed my ultimate. Once I came out to them it was very liberating. I only go by Cindy now. I listen to positive affirmations and now have more confidence. I’ve had my moments but since I started HRT, the SWORD of Damocles no longer hangs over my head. Just enjoy your real self.

    • #87551
      DeeAnn Hopings

      While I have no plans to physically transition, my social transition is essentially done. The only thing left would be changing my personal documents, but I don’t see a lot of benefit in that. The vast majority of people that I have met since I retired and relocated to the SoCal desert only know me as DeeAnn. Very few have ever met Don. I do leave my house sometimes as Don, but that is rare and usually due to expediency. Occasionally someone will ask about being transgender and I will answer accordingly, unless someone wants to ask medical questions. Unless you are a medical professional and I’m in your office, I will not answer those questions.

      Anyway, when asked about pronouns, I always say she and hers.

    • #87567

      Hey everyone. I have tried to leave my past behind but people just won’t leave me alone. All of the born females I know fully accept me and really make an effort to accept me. Honest help with make-up and clothing are the biggest plus, but it all comes down to you have to be who you are. I help with legal hasssels some of my friends have and put them in contact with resources as much as I can (I am also a social worker). Any time you challenger the status quo you can be assured you will have problems. Just be you.

    • #87571

      Hello My name is Jace Valen Wesley I am Transgender man. And I to am  gender identity late in life, I’ve been coming out to close friends and family. I live in Thunder Bay Ontario Canada. Right now I am getting very frustrated trying to find doctors to talk to to help me get started on hormone replacement and to have top surgery done as soon as possible. My life is a night mare coming out this late in life, makes me feel like I am running out of time to enjoy the rest of my life as the real me, Being unhappy for 50 years, hiding who I am was not fun. I just want to be me to be happy I could live another 40 or 45 years, and I do not want to live it as I am. I need help any one who can point me in the right direction to get it. Would be very much appreciate. I need a friend

      Jace Wesley

    • #88241

      I will never deny my past. That said, I don’t feel the need to tell the world either. My past is what brought me to where I am today, and to deny my past is to deny who I am. I am proud of the person I am now, and the person I was before Jenni. But my past does not dictate my future interaction with the world, I do and my future belongs in the hands of me, Jenni, the woman I have, in truth, always been.

    • #88243

      You go girl! Own it like  the proud lady you are. 🙂

      • #88268

        I love myself transitioning. Its natural to me and I feel its the right thing.I know iam a good healthy person.

    • #88262
      Rami Love


      I could not find better words to better express my exact feelings.


    • #88314

      I am 3 years into HRT and have been living as female gender for 2 years, but I consider and refer to myself as transgender and always will, even after having bottom surgery (hopefully, some day). This is my own personal feeling and not a judgement on anyone else, but I feel in my case that I love and respect women too much to try to claim that I am just like them. I grew up as a male, so I don’t know what it’s like to grow up female, have never had to deal with menstruation or the possibility of getting pregnant, etc.

      That being said, I am proud to call myself transgender and am not afraid to proclaim it or talk about it with anyone. I must add that in my case it’s hard to do otherwise because I’m 6’4″, broad shouldered, with big feet and a deep voice, so I stand out at a distance as trans, rather than cis gendered. This fact prevented me from summoning up the courage to transition until fairly late in life, but now that I have made that decision I know that it is the best decision I ever made. So, I can’t ever “pass”–okay, I have long since made my peace with that. I don’t give a damn what other people may think of me. I do my best to look as feminine as I can whenever I walk out my door–clothes, hair, make up, jewelry, etc. , and actually get a surprising amount of compliments, although almost exclusively from women. Many guys seem to be rather uncomfortable around me, but despite living in a very rural and fairly conservative area, no one has ever hassled me. The only time I’ve ever been insulted to my face in the 2 years since I came out was in liberal Portland, Oregon–go figure!

    • #88318

      Well done Erica. You be who you are. Stand tall be strong. I just getting started. This morning my sister confessed she had told the rest of the family about me being transgender. ftm. She wasn’t to say anything, until I was ready to tell them my self. But she did. To my surprise they are ok with it. And will be supportive, and love me no matter what. She said its ok to talk to them about it, not to be afraid. So I am feeling better about contacting the rest of my family. But I will do it my way, one at a time, as to not overwhelm my self with to much at a time. My sister wants to be there for me when I go for surgeries. We will take it one step at a time, She is afraid of flying so I don’t know if she will go with me when the time comes. But that’s not happening anytime soon. I told her I forgive her for what she did, and family is for ever. I come from a big family a total of 8 siblings 7 still living. And I love them all.

    • #90611
      April King

      At 62 I have too much history, my beautiful children and wife and so many good memories to ever want to forget who I was.  As has been said below, I can’t change the past, so why deny it to those who ask.  I want to move forward as the person I want to be, but I love my family and I would never deny our history together.

    • #90627

      Long story short,,,, for (Me)- I am (both) !!! When I feel like I want to be Kara I go out dressed up as,, Kara &,,,, I like/enjoy it & in male mode,,,, I like being male also,,, Peace +++

    • #90630
      DeeAnn Hopings

      Typically I say that I identify as transgender and non-binary. I rarely use the term trans woman as I feel it isn’t specific enough for me. It may be for others, but that isn’t my concern.

      I lived 66 years as Don and nearly 6 as DeeAnn. For me it would be silly to pretend that those 66 years did not exist. I can’t see circumstances that would force me to change my mind…

    • #90668

      I am an older trans female and even though I have a male size body I can pass as female when dressed and with makeup on. So to the casual observer I am female. Due to work constraints I have not done my gender marker change yet and so when I have to present my identification it becomes an obvious subject and I have to explain. I look nothing like my driver’s license photo.  But if a person I meet does not know my former life then I am not going to tell them I lived in a male body. I will only tell someone that needed to know.

      Would I tell a potential date? Yes I would if I had not physically transitioned.  I think that a lot of the young trans girls that get hurt when dating did not reveal this information when they started and the guy became angry and enraged when they found out.

    • #91125

      My dream would be to transition completely and live life fully and without explanation as a woman.  I would only reveal my transition to those I include in my inner circle of true friends and anyone that I might become romantically involved with.  It is already annoying and tiresome to have to “explain” myself using sexual terms and I anticipate the constant asterisk of Trans before woman would be beyond irritating.

      Having said all that, I fully realize that in the strictest sense I will never be a “true” woman.  After all my DNA will not change, and the half century of being a man will leave a most indelible mark regardless of how much I erase.  Because of that, I would feel dishonest in my close personal relationships if I were to not tell the truth.  In fact, at first it was difficult to adjust my voice since it felt dishonest to me.  After years of lying about my identity and hiding my true self, I long for the day that I can just live my life and not have to explain at all other than my choice of shoes!!

    • #91329

      i never felt like i was a male in anyway other then having a penis i always would dream i would wake up and be a girl when i was young and i had the dream up entail i came out as a women then i stop having the dream

    • #91690

      Give up my past ?

      Hell no !

      It is what defines me on who I’m today . Events over my  life whether those experiences were positive or negative is where I needed to be at the moment in time . Those experiences from my past aided me in the future when things would get patchy and still do . They are a valuable resource . I forgot about those expiences and outcomes over the years until I found this site , effects of this have already started positive changes creating new experiences and renewed love for my self .

      I don’t disclose who I’m when asked and any male relation I get into I make sure he knows that I’m a  post op trans woman and leave it up him on whether he wants to continue commuicating , if not that is his choice and no skin off my nose . Anything else it’s always female . Even on forms that I have to fill out . Labeling myself is one thing , having others hang a label over me is something totally different .



    • #91782

      To be honest, I do not like identifying as trans-anything, because it makes me feel very artificial. I want to identify as just being a man. Of course, I will never be a “real” man because I was born female, after all.

      That being said, I feel like a snake, a deceiver, a demon even. I don’t want this and want to fight it, but I think doing that is making me very suicidal and unhappy with myself. I want to be a cisgendered, normal woman…..but I am not.



    • #92279
      Radia KH

      for me its the fact that my experiences are not that of a cis person at all. I will never relate to them. I feel and think completely differently and I do not want to pretend thats how i think and feel. I am proud of being trans despite it all, and am fine with being open with it. I would seriously never choose to be cis. I worked too hard for that. I know some people see it differently and thats okay. perhaps my opinion is because i dont exactly want to be considered either woman or man. I am just a TS/TG person.

    • #92284

      well it was like this for me when i was very young at 4 or 5 i started to have dreams i was girl and i started to sneck and wear my mother panties and would watch my mother closely about how she world dress and do her make up and other things i wanted so much to be like her and over time i keep feeling i was a girl and just always felt like i was one so i would say i’m a women

    • #92289

      My history is my history.  But I’ve been Andrea all my life.  Only I knew it.  And now my spouse does.  I don’t know if it’s important for a label.  Who I am is my truth.  For now I’m still male.  Andrea is there but not fully out.  My goal is to someday be introduced as Andrea Jayne.  Whether that comes with a clarification will be determined by the situation and my truth at that moment.  AJ.

    • #92671

      I don’t hide my past, nor do I wave my flag in peoples faces. I figure if it matters they’ll ask, or I’ll tell them. There’s no need to make it a topic.

    • #92766

      Like so many of you, I just want to get to a point that I don’t have an uphill battle to openly be a woman in society.  However, I have a backstory that I will not be able to erase and biological markers that won’t go away.  So, where I want to be at is accepted as a binary woman but not have to fear for my life every time a friend finds out that I might not have been born a woman.
      I haven’t started transition for reasons not under my control at the moment, but I plan to.  The journey to me is affirming and celebrating my unfolding as a woman.  But, the truth of the matter is, no matter how happy I may be, I will be a trans-woman.  Even with the GD right now and all the huge chaos realizing myself as a trans-woman has been and will be, I wouldn’t throw that away.  I’m me and expressing myself, little bit by little bit.  I don’t want to hide things, but I don’t want to flaunt it either.  I didn’t choose to be trans, but I do choose to heal and be wholy myself, which comes with an acceptance that I will leave “footprints” of my transformation.  It’s already cost me some friends and plenty of initial hardship. I don’t have to create more unnecessarily but I am not going to be ashamed of me.
      That sounds bolder and braver than I feel, but I see no better choice than to embrace me, accept that I am a different woman than those born as one and live as the best woman I can be!

      • #94285

        I am a transgender woman as of right now, I am completely out of the closet, I do my remodeling company as a transgender woman, I go shopping, to the Doctors, church and to family events, so that one day maybe I will drop the transgender word, but until time passes and it is no longer new to people who knew the old me get use to the woman I am becoming or became. I know who I am now and have never like who I was, but I love who I have brought to the world, I feel I can breath now, and if someone asks me, why or about my journey, and not rude about it I will talk to them to educate them as much as possible, but most people treat me as any other woman, so I just assume they just see a woman.


    • #93535

      I don’t flaunt who I am I dress like me people ask about my past I tell them who I was and who I am now yeah I tell them that’s the old me or that chick left along time ago

      • #93537
        April King

        Being who you are is who you should be.


    • #93569

      I don’t pass as woman or man, presenting feminine (transfeminine), but still looking somewhat and sounding male (assigned male at birth), I can’t hide that I am transgender.

      • #93910

        Yes, Sharon, I think maybe I feel the same dilemma. And it seems like when I accept it for myself, then others accept it as my authentic self, no excuses needed.

    • #93802

      <b>i am a transgendered woman</b>

    • #94109

      The reason that I picked transgender is, when I come out to my children, it would be ok with me if they still called me “Dad.” I was there for them as their father when they were growing up and I can picture them wanted to refer to me as that after transition.

    • #94284

      This might not always be a popular opinion, but I firmly believe that after transition we need to stop being trans and experience the true freedom of being who we are. I didn’t go through all the pain and difficulties of transition so I could spend the rest of my life as a trans woman. I am a woman, I have always been a woman, despite the body I was given at birth. I live my day to day life as I choose, just like any CIS person does. I don’t worry about passing any more than any CIS woman does. I am who I am, and there is a real freedom in that.


      • #94452

        Rachel, I wasn’t concerned with whether a perspective is popular or not, I wanted to explore the topic for my benefit. I am in the process of transitioning as to how I identify, tho I won’t be getting any surgeries in the foreseeable future.

        I tend to agree with you in theory, though it may be a while before I would do that for myself. I am currently acting as advocate as well, so it  seems to preclude the option of complete identity change in the circles that I travel in. That being said, people ahve been so accepting of me as feminine that I feel affirmed and free to be my authentic self, and not to concern myself with their ideas of calssification.

        THanks for your thoughts, very enlightening!


    • #94837

      For me, this is more complicated than I ever imagined.  If I can transition, I will finish coming out to my family, a select group of friends and acquaintances, and then move on, both literally and figuratively.  Unfortunately, my past identity overseas, and as a Marine, could lead to some terrible consequences for several friends, family members, and a few comrades in arms.  As much as I would like to just put it out there on facebook or twitter or others, I have to consider the whole picture.  Equally, I just want to be ME.  Being ME means not being identified by my sexuality, genitalia, or other irrelevant norms.  I just want to be Jemma, the old lady next door.  Nothing more, nothing less.  If I develop deep relationships I will be honest and tell them my truth, but for all others…just Jemma.

    • #94852

      I hide my past. I’m not worried about my past at all anymore and have been fully transitioned now for 11 years. I pass as a woman with flying colors and am proud of that and never let anyone know anything. People call me ma’am all the time and I love it because I know I’m doing well. I never felt comfortable in a male body other than having a penis I was always a girl anyway. Not having a penis anymore is nice I feel more like a woman that way.

    • #95294

      I’m a proud transgender woman, and I don’t think I can identify as anything else. If a vaginaplasty is in my future, I would drop the transgender designation. I’m currently on HRT, and I’m early in my development.

    • #95401

      I am transgender M to F and have chosen to live my life partially transitioned to female . I have been on hormones and blockers for 3.5 years. I am older , 64, and am married to an accepting woman who loves me just the way I am.I have been married twice before and have raised 8 children.My family knows about me and has for the most part been partially accepting but prefer me to be in male mode when around them. I identify as a female but live my live in both genders , so if I were to be labeled one of the 3 choices , I believe I would be transgender . I do not plan to have bottom surgery but have had a tracheal shave and butt implants along with electrolysis . I have been fortunate that I can pass as a woman and a androgynous looking man.
      Even if I have bottom surgery and chose to be a full time woman , I believe I will always be transgender and would probably not go stealth , but would let people know only on a need to know basis. I do have a long life past history appearing male and that will never be erased.

    • #95523

      For me I’m transitioning later in life, I think it’s just important to be honest and open. Closeted so long, it’s so important to own me. I also feel that while I feel like a woman, there are woman things I’ll never have the experience to relate to, childbirth, menstrual cycles, etc. I’m good with stating I’m trans. I’m part of a multi binary platform and that feels wonderful.

    • #95538

      After having revealed my feelings to my new primary physician, I discovered that my official medical record maintained at her practice had been changed to state that my gender is “Female Transgender”. I find it interesting and supportive that today the medical community openly recognizes ladies like us. By the way, doctor told me that being a “FT” is good for me both physically and mentally. That is pretty much a prescription to maintain and pursue my current 24/7 lifestyle. I hope this note provides a bit of encouragement to those who may be reluctant to admit their reality.

      Carla [Female Transgender]

    • #95916

      I will definitely identify as transgendered.  I have a 8 year old son so I want him to be comfortable if he still wants to call me daddy if that’s what he is comfortable doing.  I don’t believe you ever stop transitioning.  It is a life long journey.  I’ve always felt like I was put in the wrong boody.  I have always felt that I was ment to be a girl.  But I want my son to make his own choice about what he wants to call me.

    • #100002

      i am tall almost 6 feet tall but i am very feminine, i drank too much last week and told my boss and his understudy about my desires, my boss knew something already as i spoke to him about it last year, the understudy did not know but was very intriged when i walked in monday morning, i am out but cant just walk in with a dress on, consultation is needed first.


      thanks for listening


      • #110458

        Hi Maria,

        If I read you correctly: you were very drunk and told your top two levels of supervisor that you were transgender?  Just a word of caution: Getting drunk with your supervisors is rarely a good idea.  A sober discussion on the same topic might work or not, but a drunken one is fraught with bad o0utcomes.

        Transgender desires unfulfilled are often associated with heavy drinking.  Mine was!  My wife finally made me see a doctor about it.  I am not sure my wife’s desired results were: “I don’t drink anymore, but I am a girl!”

        Seek transgender counseling, but also seek help to control the drinking, especially with your supervisory chain-of-command.

    • #100836

      Except for Mum and one of my sisters we are all 6ft plus I’m the shortest. Even so I’ve had enough lying about my past and identity. If someone asks I’ll tell them, if they don’t that’s good too. So I’m a woman but also transgender, it’s nothing to be ashamed of after all.
      I’ve been presenting female for eighteen months and at work for eight until I took severance. Had exactly one issue with a co-worker, who it turned out, had more complaints on her record than the other 50 employees combined. Being in a union was a fantastic help.

    • #100858

      I only ever introduce myself as Polly. If I’m asked ‘the’ question I will say I’m a transgender woman.
      I am a woman now and have been living fully as such for nearly a year now. I start HRT very soon and for me there is no looking back. In all my daily dealings with a plethora of folk I’m Polly and nothing else!

      Love Polly

    • #101554

      I am a woman, I have always been a female.

      However I was betrayed by biology: the sort of body I was identified as having at birth did not match the physiological characteristics traditionally associated with that designation; In the eyes of many in the culture at large, I therefore cannot “really” be a woman.

      I was also betrayed by the culture: when I was identified at birth, I was then shunted into behaviors and roles that did not suit me, and shamed when I dared to suggest I’d rather do something different.

      I am no longer afraid or ashamed, I am now taking steps to bring my uncooperative body more into alignment with who I am.

      Thus I am trans, and proud to be so. I don’t care who knows it. But I am foremost a woman and wish to be seen that way.

    • #101558

      I avoid the use of ‘or’ with reference to my own gender or gender identity. Hence, I introduce myself as non-binary person. It is important to point out that ‘transgender’ and ‘transitioning’ do not mean changing from one gender, or one gender indentity, to another (California Law states this). Each journey is different – there are no absolutes.

      • #101561

        May the rest of the world catch up with California State Law.


    • #102604

      Hi Lorie…

      I want add one thing to what I’ve already posted. I’m proud to have been a man and to have live a good life as my former self. I’m proud of being compassionate and caring of people around me! I’m proud of my achievements and education and all the good things I did for others.
      However, I’m now a woman and I will endeavour to be the same good person… Mary help me!


      • #102627


        I feel the same way.  Did my best to be a man, was kind to others and built two careers over 50 years.

        During most of thiose years I was not going to be allowed to be Lukcia, and I sure couldn’t afford to become Lukcia.

        I can now become Lukcia, I can now afford to become Lukcia.

        I could have malfunctioned years ago when Gender Dysphoria was a daily torment.  I carefully fed my inner girl with short vacations to perform my “Happy Girl Dance”.  Junior year in college I took a semester of Belly Dancing; gosh, I came so close to throwing everything male away.  I learned to belly Dance like a girl, but at the end of the semester when we were suppose to put on a dance show for the college, the instructor won’t let me be a girl dancer.

        So many times I could have malfunctioned.  Retired as a field Grade Officer in the US Army and eventually as an USDA Federal Agent.  Society wasn’t ready for me back then; hell, I wasn’t ready for me back then.  But now!!  Watch out Girl.


    • #110451

      I have not tranistioned, but if I did I would love to pass as a cis-woman.  That said, even if I did pass I would tell people closest to me about my past.  I don’t expect it would be something I had to worry about, because I probably wouldn’t pass and everyone would probably “just know”.

      • #110465

        For me it’s not about “passing” per se, I’m not looking to fool or “trap” anyone.

        I am a woman, want to be seen as a woman, I make every effort to portray that reality; and, because of my past and how my body has betrayed me, there are things about me that, in the eyes of others, deny that reality.

        I’m also proud to be trans, and I don’t care who knows it. That doesn’t change how I wish to present and be perceived.

        I want to change the rules and assumptions.

        • #110473

          For me, filters are not at al about passing (though I’d love to look like my filtered photos).  For me, filters are about cloaking my identity.  I am still in the closet.  I don’t want anyone or any bot to recognize me.  I think the filter changes my appearance enough for that, while still looking “like” ME.

          I am not doing it to catfish anyone, or to make anyone jealous, and I am not doing it because I think I look “bad” (though ai don’t look as good as the filtered photos). I have been fairly pleased with my en femme photos.

    • #110459

      I will always be “Transgender”, no matter how well my procedures turn out.  I very much hope to “pass”, but passing is a cosmetic goal, not an eraser of my past.  I have experienced the hardships of desires, how they altered my relationships with men and woman alike.  My struggles with transgender desires has taught me so much about people and society, and it has lead me onto a path of tolerance that I am very proud of.

      How can I after all I have been through even consider stepping away from all my brothers that want to be sisters.  Who else knows how sincere this desire really is; how beautiful & harmless, and yet so despised by the ignorant.

      I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to educate the ignorant; primarily by being the best woman I can be, and by being proud of my courage to be that woman.


      • #110461

        Yes, yes, 1000 times yes! You’ve captured the essence of it all IMO.

        “Passing” is a cosmetic goal, my past remains. I cannot hate him because he kept me alive and (relatively) sane to get to this point.

        Now I want to share this sincere, beautiful, and harmless joy with everyone, and work to make space for everyone (trans or otherwise) similarly to express who they are in glorious freedom.

        I am 100% woman, and 100% proud to be trans.

        Thank you for speaking so eloquently!


        • #110466

          Thank you Stefanya,

          I do believe that there is a large component of cosmetics to various feminizing procedures.  The procedures themselves are very frequently a critical and medically necessary aspect of treatment and therapy.  I am scheduled to have several days of facial feminization surgeries performed.  These are critical to me; for my emotional and mental well being.  I have a strange mix of really wanting to look like a girl, and wanting to not look like the male I was.  These procedures hopefully allow me to more fully embrace my “being a woman”.  As with most everyone, my years as a male had many unpleasant elements either directly, or tangential to my Gender Dysphoria.  I really need these procedures so I can stop having flash-backs to the earlier me every time I somewhat see him in the mirror.

          So, I didn’t mean to disparage feminizing procedures.  These procedures are critical to many of us.  The need to “PASS” is an imposed additional criteria to these procedures.  Please don’t make the mistake of determining success or failure on the ease of “PASSING”.  I am trying to be more comfortable in my skin; if I “PASS”, great, if I am happy: now that is my goal.


          • #110468


            I hear all that.

            Once I finally started transition (about 3 years ago, mid 2018), maybe the biggest surprise for me was how comfortable in my own skin I now feel. I was miserable as a guy, hated all the demands and expectations. This is me.

            When I used to ponder some kind of transition, I was always afraid I’d make an ugly woman (my Ex even said as much when I came out to her). The first time I saw myself in the mirror after shaving my beard and wearing my first wig was a revelation for me, I couldn’t believe it was me looking back, I suddenly realized it looked like what I’d always wanted to see, and it felt soooo good.

            So both me and my Ex were wrong, I think I’m pretty darn cute when I’m dolled up femme. And now 3+ years on, with HRT, more and more I just see Stef in the mirror regardless of whether I’m dressed up or not.

            Best of luck in your journey towards yourself, I’m excited for you.

          • #110486

            Thank you Stefanya,

            You are pretty darn cute in your picture.  You have a nice happy face and an beaming smile.

            Maybe I would be OK also, but that is part of the unique elements to an individual’s transition.  For some reason I don’t want to see much of the other me anymore.  Maybe it is because I know that person so intimately, I know his sins and his failures; and while I thank him for getting me to this point in life, I truly need to be “not him” as much as possible.

            I am trying to bury more than a few bad memories; I often wonder how foolish that is.  If I only achieve a piece of freedom from earlier self, it will all be well worth it.

            I hope to have a smile as bright as your’s when I finish.


          • #110487


            Thank you so much for the compliments on my smile. that made my day! I do kind of go around grinning like an idiot a lot, just so thrilled to get to be me finally.

            I get it about not wanting to experience him any more. I don’t want that either, no desire ever to present as masculine again. I guess I was just fortunate that my features have allowed me to see myself as I want to without resorting to anything beyond HRT as yet. I do wish my hair would come back more so I wouldn’t need a wig, I’m working on that.

            I also get it about wanting to escape or bury parts of the past. I wish you the best in finding that for yourself.


          • #110628

            I have read all of your comments and I can relate, I do hate the use of the word, PASSING, I don’t know
            if you are transitioning to be a woman or a man, I am a MTF, using the word passing is going to make you
            feel that are not good enough to ever percent yourself in public or make you feel you will never get to be true yourself because you don’t look like a model, STOP IT, people come in all different shape and sizes, do I wish I was prettier, you work with what Mama gives you. It has been said, and I’m going say it again don’t
            explain things to others or less you want too, the more you make excuses more insecure you feel about yourself, I’m at the point where I don’t give a sh** what people say it’s their problem not mine.
            I will say it again be the best person you can be and you like who you are.
            Love you all

    • #117670
      CJ P

      [quote quote=110461]I cannot hate him because he kept me alive and (relatively) sane to get to this point.[/quote]

      I really admire that perspective. I cannot say I have gotten to that point yet. I have been full of self-loathing for the past other person. But I voted to acknowledge being trans because the transition has been such a beautiful journey that was so much more than the outcome I wanted. It included self-discovery, new and exquisite sisters, and learning bit by bit what it meant to allow joy in my life and what it was to feel emotionally safe and at home. So you saying that the “him” allowed you to get to this point, is so profound. I need to reflect on that. Thank you.

      • #117678

        You are most welcome. I’m delighted if my words have provided you with “grist for the mill” of your self exploration.

        I’m totally with you on the unanticipated joys of coming out and transitioning. I’ve been so heartened by the acceptance I’ve received from old friends, the delight of meeting new ones, finding surprising inclusion in many women’s spaces I’ve encountered, enjoying so many small delights and perks of womanhood that I had no clue would be coming my way.


        • #134947

          Stefanya: You have described a lot of my feelings. I first realized at age 6 that I would rather be female but my family and community would have ostracized me if I had articulated my feelings.  I finally “came out at age 64 with gender affirming surgery at age 66.

          • #134948

            Hey Gabby, IMO It’s never to late to be yourself.

            I was a late bloomer too: Only came out to myself in therapy in 2016 at age 56. Started transition in 2018. 100,000% the best thing I ever did for myself.



    • #117690

      I will always be transgender, I have given this much thought over time. I stopped calling myself a woman because I’m not, neither genetically or in reality. I cannot and never can bare children, experience periods or an upbringing as a girl. No puberty, no lifelong peer bonds. However, I call myself ’embracing my femininity’ and abandoning any male delusions, conditioning, gender characteristics or social position. I suspect some might find my opinion a little confusing…but honestly, inside I’m a woman, in everyway I can imagine it. But to the outside world? They will judge me to be what they feel I am, I have no control over that. What I strive for is to be a good feminine person.

      • #141610

        Well my reply was 2years ago, and true for me when I said it. But you know, on this trans journey people change. I have since had top and bottom surgery, and bits and bobs…so the outside sure looks female now. HRT has done it’s job and my emotions, documents and medical gender have slipped to ‘F’
        Calling myself trans now seems both unnecessary and confusing, for me and others. I always wanted to just blend in, be like other women and get on with my life. It’s not a denial of being a trans woman, it’s just not a badge I wear 24/7.
        So now I don’t call myself trans a transwoman or a woman. I just say, ‘Hi I’m Alex.’ If people don’t question it…I don’t say any more.

        Alex x

    • #117982

      Mtf here. I consider myself to be a woman. I like girl better but a girl of my age is a woman. I’m 39. So, I interchange the two depending on how I’m feeling. When I feel gender dysphoria or the “no you’re not” voice gets going I use transwoman. It reminds me that I’m a woman but there’s no right way to be a woman and it helps remind me that transition is not a light switch and after 39 years living as male no matter how I transition those 39 years will have an impact on the end result…I just need to make sure that impact is positive.

      And once in a while I’m not feeling particularly feminine or anything really…I just know I’m female and that’s it…I’ll use transgender. It’s usually use it when I’m worn out after a long day or super busy and don’t have time to worry about gender. I’m transgender. It reminds me that when I have the time I’ve got stuff related to transitioning to do.

    • #124818

      Hello…I’m sorry, I’m going against the grain and all that but here it is… I wouldn’t hide my past life..after i get the guts to come out..but i wouldn’t offer the information either, except to a lover or friend. I’m a girl..I’m going to be a girl, transition and all..and i don’t think anyone except a lover or friend needs to know. If someone asks, I will probably tell them.

      • #126326

        Interesting, and something I’ve thought a lot about lately.  I agree that certainly I would be a woman. But having carried this burden my entire life and seeing how acceptance is slowly making its way through society, I feel that the best way to support my sisters is to speak out, to be an advocate whenever the chance arises.  I know it’s a personal choice, but I feel that transphobia and discrimination will not subside unless people forcefully speak out.  I would like to be part of that change.

        • #126327
          DeeAnn Hopings

          “I would like to be part of that change.”


      • #136762

        Love your response.  I myself have toyed with the idea that I have always been a girl, and now a woman.  Choosing to come out is a complicated social calculus as we know the world in which we live is not very forgiving. And such a decision often comes with inevitable loss. And danger.  For me, coming from another often maligned group and understanding those challenges,  I would choose to speak out when necessary to educate and fight discrimination.  Kudos to those who do.

    • #128539

      Right now, I’m a man
      Once I start on HRT I would consider myself trans
      When  pass, I will consider myself a woman, that is my goal.

    • #134950

      After much pondering, working to reconcile my gender dysphoria with my orthodox Christain faith, which is as much a part of who I am as is my genuine sense of understanding myself to be something other than what I am genetically; i.e. male, I have  reached this conclusion.

      I am gender broken. All the evidence shows that I am objectively, genetically, and biblically male, yet for all my life, from my earliest childhood memory until this very moment, inwardly I have not been at peace with the evidence. Something is not “right”. My sense of inner self is that I am very much a woman.

      Thus I am, through no fault of my own gender broken. I liken this condition; gender brokenness which creates to varying degrees gender dysphoria, to be much like Down’s Syndrome or some other similar and “unfortunate” genetic or congenital condition. Unfortunate is in quotes for I know far too many such people and their families who are much more beautiful people because such condition was theirs to manage. And they did so in such a way as to make it a huge positive in their lives. None that I know of “like” the condition, but all know that being faced with the confition and managing it well has made them better people.

      I am gender broken. For various reason I choose to manage my condition heretofore apart from transition. However were I ever able to transition within the experience of an inner peace to do so I would do so in an instant.

      To live my dream of relating to others and being related to by others as a woman would be sublime. I would be the most demure, modest, gracious woman who happens to be trans that I could be.

      Whether I look like a man or look like a woman I can not escape the truth that I am gender broken; the in vogue term being trans. However according to Scripture I am  fearfully and wonderfully made such by God. Therefore  I embrace now and in the future the truth that I am a woman at heart. Trans is simply a term that more precisely defines the womanhood I have been given to live out.

      Transition to full time womanhood or not I am now and will always be a woman who is trans.




    • #136098

      I used to say to myself ‘I wish I was a woman’. But eventually I realised, I am a woman, not physically but in all other senses. That gave me great peace. The acceptance of who I am.

      Samantha earlier in the thread described it perfectly in my opinion.

      Yes so that makes me transgender. But I don’t identify as that.

      If and when I transition finally. I will be a woman with no desire to be identified as anything else.

      I am a woman.

    • #136761

      I am 75 years old, have been married for 56 years, still love my wife and have two adult children, a son who is 50 and a daughter who is 40. After a lifetime of stress and emotional strife, I came to understand who and what I am a little over two years ago. I came out to my wife a year ago. I have dine a lot of reading and talking and therapy with an experienced, supportive therapist. My very first day out as me, Stacia, was to his office; and them some shopping afterwards. It was one of the biggest days of my life. But it competes with other days and other experiences.

      In my meditations and affirmations, in which I claim my feminine soul, and it is, I call myself Anastasia Richard, a transgender man. I am happy, proud and settled to be… I will never have had the experiences, the trials, the triumphs that my wife and daughter and all the women I love have had. I freely admit and accept that is physiologically impossible for me to have done so or to do so; and I will never have had the emotional experiences they have had. Right now it appears that my marriage would be the cost of transitioning and I am not willing to pay that.
      But I am learning to be happy as I am, I see and hear and feel the feminine virtues and values surface with ever greater force. My wife is coming to accept that and I think happiness is within reach. Dressing up and being out will be an episodic business, but all the more precious.

      • #141584

        I think of myself as a transgender woman, not because of biology, but because I grew up and lived over 40 years as a man. Even though I was always female deep down I experienced life as a male and as such had a very different life than i would have done as a female. I am proud of the life that I lived as a man and am fortunate that my past does not trigger any dysphoria for me.

        I also feel that it is important for society to accept transgender individuals and the more of us that are able to be open about our trans identity the easier it will be for those that are struggling to come out.


    • #141607

      I was born male and lived as a man for 72 years. But: always with strong, at times severe dysphoria. A specific series of events – what I mean is not really random – led me to understand who and what I am, coming out to myself (!), and eventually to my wife. At present I am living as a man, but a closeted woman (?). Working with an excellent therapist (a MUST, ladies!), I came to realize I did not want to lose my 56 year marriage; I have always been the care taker, the nurturer, and my wife loves and needs me. Our family social network would be shredded.

      What do I call myself? A Transgender. My daughter and a few friends know about me, all approving. I am a member of a forum composed of individuals who would be considered conservative, Objectivists, if you know the Ayn Rand followers. Defending US, I posted: IF my life circumstances suddenly change, something I do not expect, hope for or plan for, the picture next to my posts would be very different and the name next to it would be Anastasia.

      I do all I can do to celebrate and cherish the woman within,and help her OUT when circumstances and company permits.

      With wishes for love for you all,

    • #141643

      I would only reveal my transgender identity to selected persons. Of course, this would be a function of how well I am able to pass or at least blend. I am much more than my transgender identity and I’m concerned that it would wind up defining me in the eyes of people.

    • #141680

      A bit late to the party but here’s my thoughts….

      How can a five year old know about biology, sex, sexuality and beyond yet know that he wanted to be like the girls in wanting to dress like them and play their games. Whatever possessed me to ask a girl if she had a dress like hers I could have or ask a friend of my sisters to dress me up and even dress up myself in my sisters clothes. I was a boy and society had me conform to that stereotype yet there were still those nagging thoughts, was I a girl?  By the time puberty beckoned girls bodies changed and mine didn’t so when dressing the padding went in and became a teenage girl. But then hormones kicked in and all change for me and my body let me down knowing that I wasn’t the same as a girl because my biology was different but size wise and emotionally there were those female traits. I also began to have a life as this male and therefore created a history along with an identity that everyone knew. Back in the day the only ‘labels’ were Transvestites, Transexual and Drag queen well I was certainly not the latter  but maybe one of the others but it mattered not as no one knew of my deeper thoughts and there was a contentment that there were opportunities to dress and that a dream was in my head.

      Roll on time to about thirty years ago and the big leap to tell my mother, then family which was a pivotal moment as it could have gone either way but was accepted and my identity could change for moments in time which became more and more frequent. I was asked the usual, ‘Are you gay’ or ‘Are you looking to change sex’  but that was at the time but nothing said after that as it was accepted  that liked dressing as a woman. I know some hate the word passable but yes I could go out and start to blend in and as my identity was found the stares stopped, I was passable which made me feel good  and confidence grew.

      The next phase was telling others which included work colleagues, neighbours and friends, again a few questions but acceptance. If asked the answer would be, this is who I am and they can draw there own conclusions. Eventually the dressing became regular outside of work and on retirement full time then entered the world of work and making new friends as Angela.

      I have a history as a man being a son and male friend and have no shame about that and due to that if my mother or close friends call me by my old name then so be it, we will talk about the ‘old’ days and I look back at what has been achieved with pride. The majority of other friend call me Angela and in all scenarios am treated as a woman and even my mum and family will remember to call me that if out or in company.

      But now I have a new history since living full time working meeting lots of new people and making new friends, my credit and bank cards reflect my identity too. When I apply for work a covering note is put in to explain that I am socially transitioning and my female details. I was surprised at the success rate to interview, there was nothing to suggest I was there to get the quotas up and offers came. Only the managers knew and entered as Angela with an I.D tag to match. If the staff , clients or customers knew was irrelevant and was never questioned nor set apart, I was one of the workers.

      New friends, neighbours and associates were perhaps going to be the next test but when you get to know each other and nothing is asked you wonder. Sitting with a friend or in a group feels natural and the topics of conversation are purely female, believe me. I can easily talk about my past careers as being a female as women do the same jobs then talk about my childhood as being a girl but everything is second nature now, they see a woman.

      I am happy with my body as it has served me well and with a few enhancements the female is now free and at my age surgery is less important as I am where I have wanted to be.

      So I have transitioned from the male entity to the female without any surgery nor name change. My only concession is to go on hormones now which has not made a lot of difference as yet.

      So am I any of the above that’s for you to decide as labels are meaningless to me as this is who I am and always was and that is a female.






    • #141955
      Lauren Mugnaia

      Very late to this party, but let me add my thoughts on the topic.

      I have always known, or felt, that I was supposed to be a girl. That knowledge followed me all my life.
      While recovering from open heart surgery several years ago, I came face to face with the knowledge that I was transgender and needed to surrender to the woman who had always been inside. So almost two years ago a transitioned to living as that woman. My life prior to that was that of a person forced to play a role and pretend they were a male, a role I never fully succeeded at. I recently found out that I am an intersex person, an intersex female.

      So I knew that I was a trans woman, and now I know I actually am, a woman.

      Hugs girls,
      Ms. Lauren M

    • #142044

      I’m late to the party too and I noticed that this question is very old but in support of general knowledge sharing I will add my two cents.  I usually introduce myself this way.  “Hi, I’m Marg Produe” and depending on the group that I’m with, I may add “and I’m an intersex person.”  Then if people want more info, I will launch into my simple 1 minute intersex lesson (about 2 percent of the population is intersex, most intersex people never know that they are intersex unless there is a problem,  intersex people differ internally or externally from what most people understand as a general definition of a man or a woman, and finally, intersex people are as common as redheads).  So, there you have it.  My intro along with a mini lesson.  Now if this generates more questions or discussions  then I will be glad to educate the masses (I actually do give presentations both locally and nationally on what it’s like to be an intersex person).  Since this question seems to want more definition, I’m both male and female at about a ratio of 55% and 45%.  I’m usually seen as androgynous, but do wear women’s clothes since they fit me the best.  You can read my profile if you want more particulars.  I’m out and open.  I’m similar to a MTF trans person but I don’t take any drugs (my body manufactures them for me).  For those that want to get a really technical definition of me, then I tell them that I’m a DES Feminized Male but that’s more than a 1 minute explanation.  Incidentally I have not changed all of my documents and have no problem with keeping my legacy (dead) name since I have a large body of work that I produced before I was  Marg.  That was me then and this is me now.  I have resigned myself to never being able to go through TSA without some delay since the machines just don’t get my body.  I’d like to someday be able to give a presentation to TSA workers (and emergency service and medical workers) and maybe enlighten more people.   I hope this info is helpful.  Marg

    • #142081

      Except for the part about having a boyfriend, I could have written every word you wrote; I feel exactly the same about my former and current lives.

    • #142089

      Two different lives.  Being who you are because of who you were.  Lovely poetry. And I agree.  Thank you.

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