Are you “Transgender” or “Woman” (or “Man”)?

If you have transitioned, or planning on transitioning, will you discard and hide your past identity? Or will you openly identify as transgender?

Coming to my reckoning of gender identity late in life, I've been coming out to friends and family, and probably on Facebook to close "Friends" soon. I think of some people I know who are transitioning, whether surgically or not. They have left the old identity behind them, including the identity of transgender. They are now a woman, or if FtM, man. There are advantages to each. At my age, I feel like I can also be a spokesperson and healer in our society (I'm a life coach and HR consultant). If I transitioned and left behind my trans designation, would I be as effective as an advocate? So the question in this poll is to ask YOU what your identity would be if you transition to being identified as one gender. Would you still identify as transgender? Or would that be an unspoken past?

You must be logged in to participate.
  • Erase my past
  • I admit my transgender designation
  • Reveal my transgender identity to a select few.
Viewing 17 reply threads
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    Replies
    • #88318
      Jace Wesley
      Participant

      FREE

      Well done Erica. You be who you are. Stand tall be strong. I just getting started. This morning my sister confessed she had told the rest of the family about me being transgender. ftm. She wasn’t to say anything, until I was ready to tell them my self. But she did. To my surprise they are ok with it. And will be supportive, and love me no matter what. She said its ok to talk to them about it, not to be afraid. So I am feeling better about contacting the rest of my family. But I will do it my way, one at a time, as to not overwhelm my self with to much at a time. My sister wants to be there for me when I go for surgeries. We will take it one step at a time, She is afraid of flying so I don’t know if she will go with me when the time comes. But that’s not happening anytime soon. I told her I forgive her for what she did, and family is for ever. I come from a big family a total of 8 siblings 7 still living. And I love them all.

    • #88314
      Erica Mitchell
      Participant

      FREE

      I am 3 years into HRT and have been living as female gender for 2 years, but I consider and refer to myself as transgender and always will, even after having bottom surgery (hopefully, some day). This is my own personal feeling and not a judgement on anyone else, but I feel in my case that I love and respect women too much to try to claim that I am just like them. I grew up as a male, so I don’t know what it’s like to grow up female, have never had to deal with menstruation or the possibility of getting pregnant, etc.

      That being said, I am proud to call myself transgender and am not afraid to proclaim it or talk about it with anyone. I must add that in my case it’s hard to do otherwise because I’m 6’4″, broad shouldered, with big feet and a deep voice, so I stand out at a distance as trans, rather than cis gendered. This fact prevented me from summoning up the courage to transition until fairly late in life, but now that I have made that decision I know that it is the best decision I ever made. So, I can’t ever “pass”–okay, I have long since made my peace with that. I don’t give a damn what other people may think of me. I do my best to look as feminine as I can whenever I walk out my door–clothes, hair, make up, jewelry, etc. , and actually get a surprising amount of compliments, although almost exclusively from women. Many guys seem to be rather uncomfortable around me, but despite living in a very rural and fairly conservative area, no one has ever hassled me. The only time I’ve ever been insulted to my face in the 2 years since I came out was in liberal Portland, Oregon–go figure!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #88262
      Rami Love
      Participant

      FREE

      Abigail

      I could not find better words to better express my exact feelings.

      Rami

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #88243
      Jace Wesley
      Participant

      FREE

      You go girl! Own it like  the proud lady you are. 🙂

      • #88268
        Harry Walker
        Participant

        FREE

        I love myself transitioning. Its natural to me and I feel its the right thing.I know iam a good healthy person.

    • #88241
      Jenni
      Participant

      FREE

      I will never deny my past. That said, I don’t feel the need to tell the world either. My past is what brought me to where I am today, and to deny my past is to deny who I am. I am proud of the person I am now, and the person I was before Jenni. But my past does not dictate my future interaction with the world, I do and my future belongs in the hands of me, Jenni, the woman I have, in truth, always been.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #87571
      Jace Wesley
      Participant

      FREE

      Hello My name is Jace Valen Wesley I am Transgender man. And I to am  gender identity late in life, I’ve been coming out to close friends and family. I live in Thunder Bay Ontario Canada. Right now I am getting very frustrated trying to find doctors to talk to to help me get started on hormone replacement and to have top surgery done as soon as possible. My life is a night mare coming out this late in life, makes me feel like I am running out of time to enjoy the rest of my life as the real me, Being unhappy for 50 years, hiding who I am was not fun. I just want to be me to be happy I could live another 40 or 45 years, and I do not want to live it as I am. I need help any one who can point me in the right direction to get it. Would be very much appreciate. I need a friend

      Jace Wesley

    • #87567
      Deborah Myers
      Participant

      Hey everyone. I have tried to leave my past behind but people just won’t leave me alone. All of the born females I know fully accept me and really make an effort to accept me. Honest help with make-up and clothing are the biggest plus, but it all comes down to you have to be who you are. I help with legal hasssels some of my friends have and put them in contact with resources as much as I can (I am also a social worker). Any time you challenger the status quo you can be assured you will have problems. Just be you.

    • #87551
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant

      BRONZE

      While I have no plans to physically transition, my social transition is essentially done. The only thing left would be changing my personal documents, but I don’t see a lot of benefit in that. The vast majority of people that I have met since I retired and relocated to the SoCal desert only know me as DeeAnn. Very few have ever met Don. I do leave my house sometimes as Don, but that is rare and usually due to expediency. Occasionally someone will ask about being transgender and I will answer accordingly, unless someone wants to ask medical questions. Unless you are a medical professional and I’m in your office, I will not answer those questions.

      Anyway, when asked about pronouns, I always say she and hers.

    • #87171
      Cindy Reborne
      Participant

      SILVER

      I am transitioning late in life. My old friends have given me constant rebuttal. It has not changed my ultimate. Once I came out to them it was very liberating. I only go by Cindy now. I listen to positive affirmations and now have more confidence. I’ve had my moments but since I started HRT, the SWORD of Damocles no longer hangs over my head. Just enjoy your real self.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #86803
      Janis Ramirez
      Participant

      I love your comments! As one who started her new journey in the later stages of her life, I find it very difficult to hide my past when so many knew my former self.. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!

    • #86796
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Participant

      SILVER

      Its a great question I believe I will always be a transgender woman. This life long battle has just worn me out. I was not born with the body that matched my brain. I have to accept I will never be considered a “woman’ by society in general. It is enough that this community does accept me . I no longer have any shame about who I am. That was huge for me . Trying to explain to others out side this community WHY I feel this way is just getting tiresome. I know they will never understand. How could they? It must be wonderful to be born with a body and brain that were in sync with each other . No matter how much success I ever achieved in my life, my gender identity always came into question by me. I hid it from most and only expressed it when i got tired of hiding. That should of been settled at birth so long ago. I guess I am still a little angry about having to still deal with this issue. It just will not go away. Maybe the reason for these feelings i have are getting so much more intense is a reminder that this issue needs to be resolved. I have no problem defending or even advocating for those who have our issue because these feelings are real and you in this community are proof. We do have to work together an support each other so that future generations that may have to deal with this issue can get the help they need before their bodes start to change. Just a few thoughts Luv Stephanie

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #86795
      JaiymeLynne Rogers
      Participant

      GOLD

      Wow such great comments so far. I especially like Joy’s line about seeing a stranger in the mirror in male mode. I have those feelings as well, and when I look at JaiymeLynne I see myself, if that makes sense. I think people from my past will have to know, then if they accept me, I will accept that. New people in my life, as I get to know, build relationships, if I get close enough I think I would come out as transgender. If Iwere to have GRS, then I believe I am a woman then, and would live as and be a woman to everyone. Not sure if that is in my future, but things change as we move along the path.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #86792
      Patrice Sav 18
      Participant

      FREE

      Great poll question. This is a question hugely on my mind right now. I’m known to a lot of people in my community and people are going to notice as my changes take place. I think it would be easier to leave the past behind if I could but that might hurt the people I’m close with and in my case it’s not really possible. I’m 6 weeks into hrt so trans here I come!

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #86659
      CC Webb
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      I have no problem revealing my being transgender, but it’s not my lead story.  Basically it’s on a need to know basis.  If it somehow builds up a relationship either business, friend, romantic or otherwise then I will likely reveal it.  If it could be destructive of such then why do it?  But, to the question about community.  I have no problem representing community as a member, whether I do it as an advocate I’m not sure.  I’d need some convincing to go there.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #86645
      SophieFR
      Participant

      AMBASSADOR - EDITOR

      I think there are many answers that could be made here.

      My transition is not complete and still waiting for the virus chaos to end so it surgey can be scheduled. Three appoinments canceled in the past three months for the run up meeting with all staff involved in the procedure.

      When I found it essental to tell my family, and specifically with my son and daughter, I told them that I can only be their father until the day I die albeit I didn’t wish to be ‘outed’ in public by using that word. In private my daughter will call me Dad. My son cannot agree to meet me in person and the present situation keeps it from being possible in addition. But I have good relationships with both as with the whole of my family.

      I have no issue discussing who I am with anyone if they approach that with respect. I divulge my history to those I like and want in my life and only them. I know that a number of people are aware I am Transgender and fine with that being the case.

      My perspective is that no other person goes about thier daily life feeling they need to explain who they are! Why should I? While I use the word Transgender to describe myself to many, I am a person who has made my choice of how I choose to life it.  By subscribing to ‘Tags’ we play the game os isolation, division etc and one which I have contenton with. A tool of the media and ruling forces that can plant concepts and bad thoughts about u and other sectors of the humanity. Watch the documentary Disclosure,about and made by trans people, to see what I mean for yourself. Imagine what a powerful force we could be if we were able to unite as one, we would be a very large and powerful group to face with and try to control
      Stay strong ladies and have faith and belief in yourself xx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #86013
      Dawn J
      Ambassador

      AMBASSADOR

      With transition, I would consider myself, fully, a woman and that’s how I would present & identify with new contacts. However, there is family & there are people with whom I would still need to associate that knew me as male. I’d have no choice but to identify as transgendered with them.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #85977
      Abigail Majors
      Participant

      SILVER

      I am me. who I was will never change, but who I will be always is changing. I cannot change who I was born as, and I have to accept it.

      That being said, even after I transition, even if I have bottom surgery, I will prefer to be referred to as who I am then, but willing to be open and honest about who I was.

      I cannot change who I was. I can only work to change who I will be.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #85913
      Joy Douglas
      Participant

      FREE

      I am who I am. Labeled male at birth but female in my mind and heart. I just want to be who I am without the pressure to ‘pass’ because when I look in the mirror and see Joy I smile and say I like you. When I’m in ‘guy’ mode it feels like I’m looking at a stranger.

       

      6 users thanked author for this post.
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