Andrea, welcome! I know the emotionally in thick of it you speak of and it hurts.
I am Stephanie, 39, married with kids. My wife doesn’t know and I have never been fully dressed, although I have questioned my gender since I was 13.
I have had this dysphoria feeling increase and decrease in intensity over that time but I have always wished I was born a girl. The desire continues to get stronger and stronger for longer periods of time lately and I have stopped denying it or thinking it would go away. 20+ years is long enough. Since accepting this part of me,, I now have a full range of emotions that can consume me from happiness and joy thinking about the possibilities to sadness and anxiety thinking about where I am with the responsibilities I have, to what I could loose.
I am working the best worst time to tell my wife about my need to see a therapist (probably for anxiety first, but I know where the conversation will go).