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I’m new to this site but of course not new to struggling to accept my gender identity. Since playing dress ups with my sisters as an infant and I guess thinking or wishing I was their sister, and resenting any kind of distinction being drawn between me and them.
Later as a young adult a cross dress themed birthday party seemed to flick a switch in my mind, thinking there might be another way to be, if I could just pass as a woman. I naively embarked on a DIY transition but in a country town with almost no support things fell apart a bit over a year later.
Things have been cyclic or episodic since then and now 20 years later I have a partner and family, I’m not getting any younger and emotionally in the thick of it again.
Which beings me here to say hello and learn from people like me.
Hello,
Andrea
Hi! I’m a 46 year old biological male. I have been a crossdresser for as long as I can remember. I always thought it grounded me. Now I can’t be Steffanie enough and when I have to change back to Stephen I get sad, nit not depressed. I am married and she knows about Steffanie.I’m hoping to find someone to help me walk through this. Thanks! Steffanie
Hi Steffanie,
My partner also knows but we don’t talk about it much – I don’t talk about it much, as though to speak of it makes some change more real, or imminent. Not doing anything about it is like a mild superpower of mine that only sometimes falters. I was seeing a counsellor but the pandemic put that on hold – I do recommend talking to one.
If there’s anything I can say that could help it’s to not blame yourself – the causes of our gendered feelings often don’t have a known cause, and recently the WHO recognised that there is natural variation in gender identity, that the illness if there is one, lies in society’s response to us. Now if I could just take my own advice…
Take care,
Andrea
Hi,
Andrea, welcome! I know the emotionally in thick of it you speak of and it hurts.
I am Stephanie, 39, married with kids. My wife doesn’t know and I have never been fully dressed, although I have questioned my gender since I was 13.
I have had this dysphoria feeling increase and decrease in intensity over that time but I have always wished I was born a girl. The desire continues to get stronger and stronger for longer periods of time lately and I have stopped denying it or thinking it would go away. 20+ years is long enough. Since accepting this part of me,, I now have a full range of emotions that can consume me from happiness and joy thinking about the possibilities to sadness and anxiety thinking about where I am with the responsibilities I have, to what I could loose.
I am working the best worst time to tell my wife about my need to see a therapist (probably for anxiety first, but I know where the conversation will go).
Anyway welcome.
Stephanie
Hi Stephanie,
So many of us have life stories that reflect the same truths. I think as we age and hormone levels abate we see more of the other side of ourselves.
Broaching the topic with a loved one of exploring your identity can be very difficult and I wish you the best in working it out.
Take care,
Andrea
Hi Andrea,
So very Sorry for my error in the post here.
The correction is below.
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Welcome to our wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.======== TGH Membership PLANS ===================
https://transgenderheaven.com/choose-your-plan/#link_acc-1-3-d=========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/Regards,
Terri Anne, AmbassadorHi Andrea, you know it doesn’t go away , it’s part of being a two spirited soul , we all start out female anyways , it’s the default gender , the brain changes permanently if there’s a bit too much estrogen the first couple of months while you were inside your mommy , it’s finally coming out in the last 10 years that this is not so unusual genetically , the real hard part is how others grow up learning to be biased against what is supposed to be the social norm that boy’s are boy’s and girl’s are girl’s , for me Not so Ha !- I’m as hard core female trans as you’ll ever come by , all done physically and legally and am considerably a much happier person , it’s not perfect , but I’m glad I had a chance to be my true self before I die – XO – Krystal , BC , Canada
Andrea:
This path can be very bumpy at times because there are some many variables. It is interesting that while our journeys are quite different, there is a core of very similar thoughts, experiences and reactions.
Regarding working with therapists, there are some folks doing sessions virtually. It’s not entirely the same, but it will get you most of the way there until better days. The Psychology Today magazine maintains a searchable database of therapists around the world. Typically they have submitted a brief description of their specialties and services.
I encourage you to complete your Profile page. It really helps other members understand your situation. Eventually all threads sink to the bottom of the pile as new ones are added, but your Profile page will always remain readily accessible and you can update it at any point if something changes for you.
Also, you can search for other members who are close by. Click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.
- The forum ‘Introductions and new members’ is closed to new topics and replies.
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