I hear all that.
Once I finally started transition (about 3 years ago, mid 2018), maybe the biggest surprise for me was how comfortable in my own skin I now feel. I was miserable as a guy, hated all the demands and expectations. This is me.
When I used to ponder some kind of transition, I was always afraid I’d make an ugly woman (my Ex even said as much when I came out to her). The first time I saw myself in the mirror after shaving my beard and wearing my first wig was a revelation for me, I couldn’t believe it was me looking back, I suddenly realized it looked like what I’d always wanted to see, and it felt soooo good.
So both me and my Ex were wrong, I think I’m pretty darn cute when I’m dolled up femme. And now 3+ years on, with HRT, more and more I just see Stef in the mirror regardless of whether I’m dressed up or not.
Best of luck in your journey towards yourself, I’m excited for you.