You are at the intersection of some powerful influences, and from my lay person’s view, they may well be intertwined with one another. I assume that you are seeking, or are working with, a therapist. I suggest being very forthcoming about how sexuality and gender identity sit for you as the potential linkage with addiction issues may be an important piece of information. Hopefully you can find a therapist that also has experience with sexuality and gender issues as well as addictive behavior.
Thanks for completing your Profile page! It really helps other members to understand your situation, where you struggle and where you are headed.
I am 72, so that means I am considerably older than you are. One gift of advancing age is that we begin to sort of what is truly important and what can be simply put down. While I do care about what those who are close to me think, anyone else is mostly irrelevant. I have no influence over what those others think of me and I refuse to allow that to change what I do. It is just not worth the investment of energy. Anyway, I hope that you come to realize this well before I did…