So good that you could join us!
What you describe is years of repression and that is something that MANY of us here are well acquainted with. Finding a therapist to work with will likely prove to be very helpful. However, it trick is to find one with experience in gender issues. There are lots of good therapists out there, but not everyone has this particular set of skills, interest and experiences.
Remember our minds work to protect us and minimize stress. From a laywoman’s point of view, your panic attack could be your mind’s reaction to a potentially great upheaval (realizing that your gender identity was what you thought and what that may mean for the rest of your life). A therapist can help to work through what’s going on and to help you understand what you need to do in the future.
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