Reply To: When you look in the mirror…

[Hillary Samantha Jones]

When I’m dressing I always make sure it0s socially acceptable (and that leaves a lot of latitude far as specifics go) and it makes me feel amazing. I once read an article where a ciswoman was explaining that she dresses in what makes her feel good and basically it just so happens to be what some people find attractive. Ots a funny thing clothes. Mens jeans always felt lik a a diaper on me. I have a pair of women’s jeans that I wear daily and a pair of men’s jeans I haven’t gotten rid of yet. The mens jeans fit me slightly better, but the woman’s jeans feel sooooo much better…because they were made for my j
Gender. Imagine going out in public wearing an entire Goth outfit with ghost white makeup and all. It’s socially acceptable but ridiculous for daily attire…that’s how mens clothing felt to me. It was like everyone expected me to wear a clown costume all day. Oh, and in men’s jeans I was a boys 14 (or relaxed 12). I’m 39. And shirts were small adult. In women’s clothing I wear adult jeans. And not even the smallest size. I have a small frame. 5’4″ and about 140lbs. Before I knew I was transgender I always wished I was taller and more of man’s man with woman chasing me. After realizing I was transgender I actually imagined myself in the body of that man. Is that me? God no. I thought I was a man. As a man I’m not much of a specimen. But guess what… I’m not a man. As a woman…which I am…Im more of what I should be. I just think of myself as an unfinished woman. Some women have more masculine frames. Mine isnt very masculine. Some women are a bit more masculine. I’m not very masculine, but I have my moments. I’ve made my peace with that. If butch women are a thing then why can’t I be…but I still love little pink frilly things…soft butch? Futch? Butch femme? Oh, butch and femme are like gender…a spectrum. Awesome. That’s when I stopped feeling bad that I’m not a girly girly but but to girly to be full butch. Dressing as a man around the time just before I came out (like the last year or so before I did) always made me feel like stone butch. I’m in mens clothing. Why do I feel…can a man be butch? Then one day it hit me. What am I doing? A man be bunch. I’d first have to be a man. Then I had the stop wishing I was a woman and just admit I am one so I can do something about it already. And here I am. I’m working on a wardrobe that was made for my gender. Which reminds me of what I told my best friend. Being transgender…a large part of it is the clothes. You finally get to wear clothes made for you…that validate you snd make you happy. But being transgender is also so, so much more. Clothes are just a huge part of it.