Reply To: Ask for safety tips for dating

DeeAnn Hopings


I will preface what I am going to say by disclosing that I am married and not looking for any other arrangements.

That said, many here have expressed similar issues with various dating sites. Sadly, there is very little in the way of checks, balances and filtering. What you see may be very different from what you get, vitriol notwithstanding, and that is a major issue. There is a quote by Rachel Maddow that relates to the BS that you have experienced: “The best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you’ve just told them.”

You didn’t say whether you were looking to date men or women, but there are issues both ways. Often men who are looking to date trans women are looking for a purely sexual experience. Those who are AFAB seem to be put off by trans women, even those who have fully transitioned and pass. Many don’t see trans women as women, so there is no potential for chemistry. I guess the summary would be somewhere between a rock and a hard place.

One of the problems with dating sites is that there is very little room for people to be social on a very light and preliminary basis; sort of a pre-screening, if you will. The only thing that I would suggest would be to get involved in some volunteer activities where you may improve your chances of meeting people who are also socially progressive. Working with someone allows for some time to understand them better and also group activities may arise, such as going out for drinks or something to eat after meetings or activities. People need to understand that you are more than your gender identity…

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