Reply To: Questions About Advice & Counsel…

DeeAnn Hopings


How we chose to live may or may not coincide with how we need to live. It depends on what is important to us, personal situations, degree of dysphoria, etc. For some, full transition is really the only way to effectively address their degree of dysphoria. There are some, at the other end of the spectrum, like me. I may have a touch of dysphoria, but that’s about it. What I realized in my mid-60’s is that I have never been completely male nor completely female in my thoughts, perspectives, likes/dislikes, etc. When that hit me, I stopped forcing that last bit of posturing towards being perceived as male. I still have moments, but it is just what happens organically. In parallel, I allowed much more of my female persona to be revealed. I probably present as DeeAnn ~98% these days. In the 5 organizations where I hold office and the 3 organizations where I am a member, but hold no office, DeeAnn is the person of record. Very few in my circle of friends and acquaintances have ever met Don.

As I thought more about it, I also realized that I was this walking bundle of contradictions. In a speech that I gave a few months ago (check an article here on TGH called “From THERE To HERE…” ) is this passage:

“What I’ve learned is that in many ways I have always been more aligned with a feminine mindset. Yes, I do view much of the world from a technical viewpoint, but it is significantly tempered by a feminine perspective. It’s the only way that I can reconcile the divergent activities of watching a Formula 1 race featuring extraordinary drivers in 1000 horsepower single seat race cars while also surfing the Etsy and Poshmark web sites for dresses and silk blouses. I have to admit that it does make me chuckle a bit sometimes.“

Physical transition is often an arduous and expensive proposition. Fortunately my psychological situation does not demand that I do that. I am not planning any surgeries or HRT. However, my social transition is essentially complete. The only significant thing to do would be updating my documentation, but the effort/reward equation doesn’t work for me. I’ve found my groove and it seems to be pretty comfortable for me. It is my sincere hope that you find yours also…

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