Reply To: My first therapy session

[Corrinenow Smithly]

Hi Brie, My wife sounds like yours (in fact, I think you were the one who I asked if you were married to my wife on CDH because they sounded so much alike, I used the name Kristen Smithly on CDH). My wife actually called me “her feminine man” fairly early in our marriage. I told her I was a crossdresser when we first started dating and it was not really a sexual thing, more of need I had. I haven’t really hid it from her much. She once asked if she was going to come from work one evening and find me in a dress. I said no, but I was thinking “No way, it would be an evening gown!” I wasn’t even sure if anyone wore evening gowns anymore. Not even sure what one actually is. I kept my shut at “No”. As I am finally finding the true me, I realize this is probably not going to work for her.
My “dream idea” is we stay married (I am disabled and pretty much rely on her financially), and she accepts my transitioning self, though I know that is just a want, probably not going to be a reality, but then she surprises me and does things like “you should get that apron with the cute frog on it with the pink flower, it’s very pretty and feminine” (I am a former chef), or those are “cute” slippers. We passed a very well built buff looking man jogging down the road shirtless and she said isn’t he buff and good looking, don’t you think? (yes, he most definitely was!) and it was asked more like she was just talking to a girlfriend than a husband, or than trying to see what my reaction was. She has never seen me fully dressed, and this was at her request early on, and out of love and respect for her, I have honored the request, but things are a-changing, like the old Dylan song. I am 65, so starting over at this age is scary, but I want to finish life as who I am, and not who I thought I should be or others think I should be.
Hugs, Corrine