Hi Chrissy. Welcome to TGH!
I think most girls can identify with how you feel. I don’t know why I am the way I am….other than this is how my brain is wired….and has been since birth.
My envy of girls and my drive to be one has been with me since my earliest memories. When I was younger I could ignore/repress how I felt for months or years. But it always came back. As I got older, the need to be myself got much stronger.
My egg broke 6 years ago….after several years of thinking I was “cured”. I nearly had a breakdown. I was a mess. That’s when I got real and started this long journey. There’s been plenty of bumps in the road since. It took several more years before I accepted trans was the only label that fit. That was about 2 years ago.
I started my transition 16 months ago. Simply put, it’s the smartest decision I ever made. I’m in a place I didn’t know existed….or was even possible.
Every journey is unique and there’s no way to predict where yours goes. The important thing is to take that journey. The alternative is a dark place.