Kacey:
Happy that you found us and I hope that being here will be useful as your journey continues.
There are some interesting parallels regarding our 2 lives. I also identify as transgender and non-binary. Eventually I came to the conclusion that my gender identity was never completely male nor, for that matter, completely female. I am an amalgam of male and female thoughts, likes/dislikes and perspectives. When I sorted that out, a number of things about my life began to make sense. In the early 90’s (early 40’s for me) I began to think of myself as gay. I did act upon it, and to my surprise, there was no hesitation, doubt or regret. It felt very comfortable. About a year later it occurred to me that I was still attracted to women. My thought process shifted a bit and I thought of myself as bisexual. The woman I was seeing at the time, who would eventually be my 2nd wife, talked me into going to an event where the admission was free if you crossdressed. I resisted, but she wore me down.
Similar to my first intimate experience with a man, I didn’t feel odd in the clothes. I had a bit of anxiety because even though we were in another town and 45 miles from where I lived, there was a possibility that I might be seen by someone that I knew. But, excluding that, I felt very comfortable and that was a revelation. For the next few years I thought of myself as a crossdresser. However, as time went on, it seemed that something else was going on. Eventually it became clearer that I was transgender. These days I present as DeeAnn at least 95% of the time. I hold office in 5 organizations and DeeAnn is the person of record for all.
My social transition is essentially complete, but I have no plans for any medical procedures as I have never felt that I was in the wrong body. The male aspects of my body are not a source of distress for me.
I worked in Taiwan for 6 years. My wife would come over and stay for most of the winters. 16 years ago, a few days before she was to return to the US, she had a bad bicycle accident on our wedding anniversary. The result was a spinal cord injury and she has used a wheelchair ever since. I think we both have been lucky. You can die from a 10 foot fall, let along a 30 foot one. Further, my wife could have easily died in that crash. Even though your life and ours instantly became much more difficult, it could have been much worse.
Often when people are near to the beginning of their journey, I will tell them that many here have worked with a therapist and found it very useful. The problem is that our minds work to protect us and try to lower our stress levels. However, thinking about our gender identity and the significant changes that might be needed in our lives is very scary stuff. We tend to not want to think about this at any length, even though we need to. What a therapist can do is work to keep us focused on what we need to think about and help work towards a better understanding. But, as was stated, it needs to be someone with experience in gender issues. Not everyone has that interest and background.
I think it is important to realize that our journeys are not a sprint. They are marathons. Conscious thought will always be helpful and haste is our enemy.
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