Reply To: 40 year old begining my journey

DeeAnn Hopings


We’re glad that you found us! I hope the being here will prove to be helpful as your journey continues.

The purpose of this site is to provide support for all in the trans community. It is intended to be all inclusive. That means trans men, trans women and from those questioning their gender identity to those who have transitioned years ago.

However, none of this works unless this site is a safe haven. The rules serve to provide a means of defining acceptable/unacceptable behavior. As you might expect, a site like this can attract a disruptive element and also those looking for sex, as seen through a fetishistic lens. While many here are in relatively decent shape or better, there are also many here who are really struggling for any number of reasons: employment issues, family issues, difficulty in accepting the reality of their gender identity, etc. A site like this works to assist people as their lives progress. Unacceptable behavior can really upset things and we just can’t have that. From reading what you have written so far, I doubt that you will cause any problems.

One issue that happens to a number of trans folks is that of isolation. Often we think that this is only a problem in more rural areas, but it does happen in cities also. Fear and shame can keep people away from the community and prevent friendships from forming, learning from other community members and sharing what we know.

So, are you connected to any trans communities? You didn’t say exactly where you live, but I have some suggestions. One positive thing that came out of the pandemic was that in the US many LGBT centers started doing support and social groups online, I confess that I don’t know to what extent this is true in Canada. I live in Cathedral City, California. I participate in a women’s chat group most every Thursday morning. In addition to women who live in the Coachella Valley here, we get regulars calling in from Seattle, Las Vegas and Lincoln Nebraska. At other times, we’ve also had women call in from San Louis Obispo here in California, Michigan and West Virginia. The ones who call in from outside of the Valley have vacationed here with some frequency or have 2nd homes here or are thinking of relocating here after retirement. In any case, the women want to become connected or remain connected to the women’s community here.

Now, I confess that I wasn’t looking for a group to join nearly 4 years ago. Someone who knew me fairly well suggested I attend a few meetings to see if I liked it. I did, but probably of equal importance, the members accepted me. I think that often trans women assume that we will automatically rejected by the lesbian community, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Before I went the first time, I put a little thought into this. I know that some lesbians are triggered by behaviors (social, mental and physical) associated with men. While acting “girly” doesn’t really appeal to me, I did make it a point to reign myself in a bit, try not to dominate the conversation, sit in a more culturally acceptable way, etc. In other words, behaviors that are more indicative of women is social settings compared to men.

I must admit, it helped me as it was necessary to think about how I behaved as this is a different world. Women behave very differently, compared to men. In recognition of that, I have asked that a sub-forum be created to discuss social transition because if we don’t understand our social behaviors, we can kill all the good Karma from our presentation, vocal training and surgeries. Or, at the very least, have our gender identity questioned.

You can search for other members who may be near by clicking on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

I would also encourage you to complete your Profile page. It goes a long ways toward having other members understand what’s happening for you. Your page will always be readily available and can be updated at any time.

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