It was a big step to join our community making this post, and welcome!
I’m sorry, but I don’t have answers for you, except to empathize with what you are experiencing. It has taken me many years to even begin to come to terms with who I am. I finally found a transgender therapist who is a great help in me understanding my journey.
I dated two women who had a fascination with penises, (is that a word)? One said she would have dreams where she had a penis, and I don’t know where they ended up on this issue.
I wish you the best, and we are here if you need a shoulder to cry on, vent or ask advice.