Reply To: When did you start to suspect you needed to transition

[Zachary Newcombe]

My first memories were of thinking that my penis woukd soon begin to grow. I saw my brothers and just thought i would grow up to be like them. I often told my mother, preschòol, that i would marry her when i grew up.she even caught me shaving ,lathered up, sitting on the sink shaving with my fathers straight razor st the age of 3. I always just knew i was a boy. When i started school i insisted i was Wendell not Wendy. When puberty hitand i realized i wouldnt be growing a penis i fell into a deep depression. At 16 i met and fell in love with a woman 10 years my senior who exploited my love for her alternatively encouraging and discouraging me telling me i didnt have the right equipment when we got to close to an intimate encounter. Fortunately i survived a serious suicide attempt over that realization. I did determine that someday i would accomplish my dream of becoming a man. In those days,the 70s and early 80s FRS was vertually unheard of for females wanting to become males. I was easier to pass as the clothing was more forgiving. So i dressed like a man and became a butchy lesbian. At 27 met my wondrrful wife Colleen, who altjough she idendifies as a lesbian fully supports and loves me as a man. We have our own problems with the change ive made but are working together to kèep or love alive. We both hope to find others who share even part of our story. I especially hppe to meet other ftm people of any age to share experience strength and hope with.