When did you start to suspect you needed to transition

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This topic contains 46 replies, has 29 voices, and was last updated by  Skyler Anne 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #24670
     Skyler Anne 
    Participant

    FREE

    Good morning ladies. Im new here and was browsing around and came across this. It’s an excellent question. I can count 3 separate instances Where I’ve felt me desire to transition.

    The first came when I was very young. I can remember as early as 5 or so wishing I could figure out why I seemed so different. It struck me hard a couple years later when I realized what was different about me. I hoped and prayed every night that somehow something would magically change.

    As I grew into my teen years, I found my parents true beliefs on the topic of not only gender and gender identity, but on sexual orientation as well. Gay was a sin and god doesn’t make mistakes. Period. A family friend transitioned while I was a teenager. While I applauded her for her courage and drive to find herself, my parents exiled her. I inviting her from family parties saying “maybe this isn’t the right party for you to attend”. I was horrified at their beliefs and actions but couldn’t let anything show. So back behind closed doors I went. I hid for the next 12 years. Taking on overly masculine roles, drinking too much and struggling with substance abuse. 5 years ago, I hit a breaking point. My life was in a tailspin and I couldn’t control it. I realized what it all stemmed from  but had the sense that I could do nothing to change it. That year was my darkest time in my life. I was on the edge and ready to jump. Literally. I tried taking my own life 3 times that year. The thought of what it would do to my family was one of the only things that gave me strength to hold myself from doing anything. I also became more driven than before to discover who I really am. Taking my life would have never allowed me to see my potential and I saw what I had to do for a second time.

    Now five years later I’m happy to say that those thoughts have never come back up. I still struggle with depression and anxiety daily but I’m no longer to that level of suicide. I continued to hide still fearing my parents unaccepting thoughts. Recently I enrolled in therapy as my depression was starting to spiral again. I found myself breaking down, crying over seemingly nothing then making excuses for it. My third realization that I want to transition came last week at my session. My therapist asked that I come as Skyler. She wanted me to be comfortable and wanted to see how it made me feel. When she asked how I felt being seen as Skyler, I broke down. It felt right. It felt natural. I told her I wish I could live life this happy and confident every day. The only thing holding me back is my fiancé. She supports me but gave me the striking shot the other night. “I love you and support you. You can wear whatever you want, just as long as you don’t decide you’re transgender or want a sex change”. I have to tread lightly. My biggest fear is losing her and my son. My second biggest fear is never being abke to be the woman I know I am.

    Sorry this is so long winded. I just started typing and couldn’t find somewhere to stop lol

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  • #23623
     Meeka Hawkins 
    Participant

    FREE

    For me it was never a question of suspecting that I needed to transition; once I decided that I was transgender my path was clear.

    Of course this didn’t happen until right before my 57th birthday and four months after I had filed for divorce.

    I remember the date and the moment when it happened for me.  It was September 11, 2017 and I was halfway through another day at my crappie job.  I had just finished reading a book by Janet Mock (love kindle) and I realized that I had more in common with Janet and the other trans authors than with anyone else in my life.

    All those little moments when I realized that the authors and I were traveling down the same road and I had only arrived at the first of many signs that I was going the right way, that I was not alone and that I too can make the journey.

    Still on that road but loving the journey.

    Love

    Meeka

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    • #23639
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      When I was struggling with the thoughts of whether crossdressing was enough and how much or whether I should go full time I spent a lot of effort chatting with people and reading writings to get perspectives.  I really didn’t want to leave ay facet of transition life undiscovered and something I might regret no knowing before making that final leap of faith. I really do think the effort paid off in helping me to have few regrets.  Do I wish some things in my life were better, certainly.  But the goal of just being happy in myself is the guiding light that keeps me true to course.

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  • #23403
     gina brown 
    Participant

    FREE

    i have been fighting this life long in the last 10 yrs in the summer short jean shorts shaved legs and a tank top and ad some bling /i started to model and one thing led to the next with many changes in the look i wanted and out came me the real me i put on the nice top in my photo size 15 jeans and it was there the look i wanted the new me /i have been out in public with this look  and pull it off nice the town i live in still is backwards so i have to use good taste and not over kill /i try to find balance in my looks and who i really am pushing the boundrys some and some times the shock on someones face is priceless / i am having fun we have come a long way i was born when johnson was president it is about time after all these years we can finally just be who we are

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    • #23637
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      It is amazing how the real us shines through when dressed in ways that reflect our spirit.  No more shroud of secrecy to keep us hidden.  It’s like a spring flower in full bloom.  You go girl!

  • #19205
     alan tharp 
    Participant

    FREE

    all my life I dream of being a girl, only when my health turn did I truly decide to turn into a girl, it was a question from my doctor that open up my past and had been block from me for over 50 years. I try to fit into the world as an Alfa male only I always fail for I was still an outcast for I hated to do thing other men love to do. I have never been happy and my felling had been crush. once I discover two month ago that I had been born a girl, I knew it was time for me to go back to being a girl only I did not know how for it was only as a infant that I was girl. now 58 years later I happy learning herbs and health and making my own beauty formula that really work. I now look as If I am in my Forty and shooting to look like I am in my twenty. I have many health problem only now I am curing them one by one with herbs, vitamin, foods, and formula I make for myself. I could not afford a good weight lost pills so I made my own very cheap and have lost fifty six pound so far on a no excise diet plan. I have not yet started HRT but I near to curing my baldness and my hair is past my shoulder after two month. another formula of mine had stop over half of the hair on my face from growing back. Being a girl is fun to make myself look better every day. I reverse my eye bags and have got my eye lashes and eye brow to grow.  I cannot take estrogen because of blood clog so I am researching herbs to formulate a natural estrogen. as I look more and more like a girl I will have to learn on how to walk, talk, dress, do makeup, I know nothing about any of this.  My breast are growing because my body is product more estrogen than testosterone on it own.  my nose is becoming smaller and lip are starting to become more female like. I did not know that estrogen could do all of this. I am almost ready to get the materials to formulate my own HRT formula. my most major change is for my skin turning from very oily to very dry expectedly on my arms, hands and face. I am also getting shorter I have lost three inches in height so far and still getting shorter. so I am transition even though I have not started transition on my own by taking drugs. what I will really need along with friends is help on how to act like a girl. Brenda2222

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    • #19226
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Hi Brenda.  Welcome to TGH.  It certainly sounds like you’ve found some things that work fro you despite some obstacles.  We don’t advocate self medication here as it is quite dangerous to the point of potentially fatal.  At the least I would hope that you have a MD overseeing your health through your transition.
      As far as behaving like a girl, we can help describe things that helped us figure things it.  But let me say, my best teaching technique was to observe girls themselves and figure out what make how they move and speak unique.  Just don’t make them uneasy while you’re observing.  They’re human too and deserve our utmost respect.  You can try out the things you see and video yourself  too  to see if you ‘re getting it right.  Hope all this helps.

      Hugs, Cloe

  • #14073
     Anonymous

    Jennifer you are so right ! Had I been forced into therapy in 1972 when I was caught fully dressed and made up in mother’s things who knows what kind of horrors would have been tried. Just the abuse by our stepfather alone would read like a case in a psychological pathology book. So much I have had to deal with alone. So much scaring suppressed for so long. It is no wonder the crisis which brought my to my senses took sixty years to become undeniable. My walls were high and strong until I was not strong then the house of cards came down. Better late than never. And better now than in the past as far as therapy.

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  • #12971
     Steph Di Firenze 
    Participant

    FREE

    Like many who have written or commented here the first inklings for me have been there for 20 or more years. But growing up in the 60’s through to the 80’s in a religious family meant that there was opportunity or even information that have suggested an alternative to being the gender I was born as. Even after my marriage of 21 years ended I did not associate my feelings of being different with being transgender. Experimenting with crossdressing was more as a way to break out of conservative sexual roles. My partner supported my desire to be less conservative and become a more impulsive and spontaneous person. This support led to my first transvestite experience. This singular event has given me the insight into my long suppressed feelings of being different. While that has been a revelation for me, it has not been welcomed by my partner. There are many reasons why my partner has expressed reluctance for me to pursue my preferred gender, some are personal while others related to wanting to protect me (given the environment where I worked). So I am now in the position of finally knowing that I am transgender and not being able to actively pursue my preferred gender.

    Life has also intervened and I have retired as well as moving to a new country. So I am in an enforced hiatus while waiting for what few femme items I have to arrive in my new country. I still want to explore how I feel as a woman before I can consider fully transitioning. I know that if I choose to transition, it will only be possible once my partner has passed away. Given my age and how long it may be before I am in a position to consider fully transitioning may preclude me actually achieving my goal.

    Steph

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  • #9377
     Danielle Fox 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hello everyone,

    For those who knew they wer transgender, was in a marriage, and wanted to get HRT and even consider transitioning with the sex reassignment surgery, how did your wife react? Was she in denial of what you needed? Did she think it was all a phase that would pass? When it didn’t pass did she get wickedly angry and want a divorce? Did she even announce that there was a mutual decision to get a divorce? When there wasn’t. How did you react? Did you try and save the marriage by not going for the HRT and transitioning surgery and settle for just dressing up?

    I am so confused, hurt, angry, and I really love my wife. This is a third marriage but the other two didn’t know of my secret. I have nobody to talk to or turn to for advice and guidance. I do go to my first counseling session tomorrow. She, my wife, is so premature about this who meltdown so I haven’t even found out if I truly want to become a full time woman!!! I am so angry about this whole situation that I wantto just disappear, leave and never come back! Move and have I contact with my children, wife, brothers and their families nor friends! Fall off the face of the earth. Did anyone feel this way about their marriage? What did you do or how did you handle it? You need to know that my wife is on serious depression medicine and she wanted to give me one of her breasts last night…….I found out this morning when I told her goodbye before going to work. She moved into the spare bedroom two days ago. I love her so much that I would die for her and it will feel like it if I don’t move forward and it will feel like it if I let her have a divorce so I can move forward! Sorry to ramble but if I had tears to cry I’d have a river in my living room. I am so alone! I had to close out my CDH account last night abruptly or she was going to go absolutely crazy mad! I don’t even know if it had any effect on what is going on. She hate me talking about our situation with complete strangers on a website! That may be the only reason why she wanted me to delete my account. She wants to be who I am but she also wants this to be only a phase I’m going through. Wear panties to work, hose and heels with panties a couple times a month, etc. No breastforms until I grow my own, no feminine figure, no softened face, and definitely no surgery. Be drab during the day and partially fab in the evening. But on weekends? No going out, no support groups….anyway I need to finish this as she will be home soon from work and the unfriendly and antagonistic atmosphere will begin. I feel so scared…..so feminine inside so lost. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ to you all 💋👠

    Danielle

     

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    • #9770
       Vanessa Law 
      Managing Ambassador

      SILVER

      Dear I’m so sorry to hear. This is such a tricky situation, for both of you. My first marriage didn’t survive my journey to transition, and if I’m honest, that was only part of the reason it didn’t work.

      As hard as it is, I encourage you to sit a little bit with the thoughts of all the turmoil she is going through as well. This is as challenging for her as for you.

      Dear, you are welcome here. Please know that you need friends and support for this journey, whether here or close to where you live.

      Hugs,

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    • #12575
       Anonymous

      I can say this never forget who you are! I love every thing about me and who I am ! My male side had a bad life of abuse from family my adopted family that is they never said a kind word to me! I was abused physically and mentally and now I fight depression daily! I try not to think about the past a all but sometimes its hard to do! I try to dress as much as I can for its my way of life I feel that I must live ! I am a kind and loving lady who does not judge anyone nor do I want to be judged by any one! Its good to have ladies like myself to talk to when I need help or someone’s advice on things!

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  • #9345
     Meeka Hawkins 
    Participant

    FREE

    Looking back over the years I realize that I knew then I was seven.  I clearly remember praying to god to be changed into a girl.  There were many more events like this over the years but growing up during the 60’s and 70’s only taught me how to hide it all behind a macho facade.

    It wasn’t until last year after ending my third marriage for 14 years that I started reading stories of transgender women and what their childhood was like.  I found myself saying to myself “that happened me to” or “I remember doing that for the same reason” and it slowly dawned on me that I wasn’t just a guy with a crossdressing fetish but an actual transgender person.  I was starting to believe.

    This year I started HRT and all it took was two weeks to silence the doubts of who I am.  Now I have to find out who I could be.

    Meeka

    • #9772
       Vanessa Law 
      Managing Ambassador

      SILVER

      “Now I have to find out who I could be” sent chills down my spine dear. You’ve got such a beautiful journey ahead of you!

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  • #8941
     sharri roberts 
    Participant

    FREE

    Hi everyone….like so many oof us I knew there was something different  about me . I didn’t know what or why but I just sweet like the other boys. Having a father that could never accept that his son had feminine tendencies  i did what most of us did and suppressed my true self. It wasn’t till i was in my late 30’s and was invited to a halloween costume party which my now ex-wife after much resistance from me convinced me to go as a woman and she as a man. She said she would make me look great which she definately did. I wasn’t allowed  to look at myself until she was finished. When I saw myself in that full length mirror it was as if everything suddenly became crystal clear all the years of frustration and not understanding became instantly evident. Well that night started a journey I could no longer deny. My marriage ended and my femme side grew and grew. It’s the most liberating experience ever.

  • #8842
     elizebeth Lawson 
    Participant

    FREE

    I can remember as a young child not being able to figure out why I could not were the pretty dresses my sisters did. I was always tring to get some of the girls bras and panties to were I was not real interested in most boy stuff. So if there is a quick answer to this question I would say 3 or maby 4 years of age.

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  • #8517
     Cassandra McDaniel 
    Participant

    SILVER

    I had always wanted to be a woman since about the age of 4 I knew I was in the wrong body. I use to go to bed hoping I’d wake up as a woman. I always had more girls as friends than guys and did girls things growing up and really didn’t have many guy friends. It really didn’t take me much thought about becoming a woman, I knew it was always something I wanted to do and it helped that my parents and family accepted me as a woman but they knew I had always want to be one. After my transition started I would get goosebumps thinking about being a woman it made me feel really good and at the end when my transition was complete you wouldn’t even notice that I was ever a man. I look like I was born a woman and I love it everything worked out perfectly pretty much. At first when I had to go to the bathroom it made me a little nervous to be going into the women’s restroom but I got use to that and now have no problem and have never got a second look not even once. I’m so happy I was able to complete my dream of becoming a woman.

  • #5734
     Patricia Harding 
    Participant

    FREE

    Was just a couple of years ago that the thought of transition started in my mind.  My wife noticed first and has been not only supporting, but has helped me to see and understand myself better.  We both regret we did not explore this earlier.

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    • #5821
       Vanessa Law 
      Managing Ambassador

      SILVER

      What a blessing dear!! I’m so glad you have someone so close supporting you on your journey!

  • #3826
     Patricia Allen 
    Participant

    FREE

    I told my wife about the clothes and she was ok if I did it when no one was in. She said if it was any more my marriage would be over.

    Over the years, I’ve had many such ultimatums from my wife.  Little by little she has accepted more of my feminine nature.  I think it’s payback for my efforts in becoming a good husband.   I’m not whipped, but I am attentive.  Do your best to be the husband she needs and she’ll, more than likely, learn to accept more and more of your trans nature.  (I think it’s a matter of fear she’ll loose you to the feminine side and end up alone.)  Don’t expect a dramatic turnaround, but an incremental, step by step acceptance.

    That’s how my wife went from just where you wife is to being OK with me on HRT.  Any surgery is still up in the air.

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  • #3808
     Tara 
    Participant

    SILVER

    For me, I knew at a really young age. As a child, I was always friends with other little girls and didn’t really care for boy stuff. My parents and older brothers often chastised me for “acting gay.” One of my aunts (not knowing that I really wanted to be a girl) once told me that if I could kiss my elbow, I would magically turn into a girl.  I probably nearly broke my arm/neck on several occasions trying to do so.

    I had plans when I was 17 to run away and change my identity and live the rest of my life as a girl. But “love” got in the way… that and twisted religious views. What I wouldn’t give to go back and change it all now and live as a girl from a young age. If only time travel were possible.

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    • #3819
       Danielle Fox 
      Participant

      SILVER

      Amen Tara! Set

      the go back machine for 30 years ago and I just left the USAF and that would have been perfect for me. Even 20 years ago then it would be me who leaves the marriage, lol! Hugs and love💋👠

      Danielle

  • #3635
     Stephanie Rigoni 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Well there’s a lot of honest and hard feelings in this thread—and that’s good. But I’ll lighten it up a bit with a sweet but true personal anecdote. When I was a child I would take bubble baths. I used to push all the bubbles to one side of the tub and sit on the other. I’d pretend once the bubbles touched me I’d become a girl. I always made certain they did. That’s probably when I knew.

    • #3774
       Vanessa Law 
      Managing Ambassador

      SILVER

      Oh I love this dear!

  • #3029
     Danielle Fox 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hello Vanessa,

    I always got along better with the girls than with the guys. I played sports and climbed trees, rope swings, dirt bikes and some of the other things a teen does. I didn’t date often, just enough to be a guy. But something was so different between myself and the guys. I didn’t feel that I belonged. I just didn’t fit in no matter how much I tried I was just not one of the guys. 4 year letterman in HS for football and track, I was a center in football and threw the javelin and shot put in track. I was not a big body but not small either. I had quick feet, a good stance and a good arm. But no matter what, I still preferred to be around the girls and, almost all of the girls in my class were friends with me. My experience with sex was quite limited because when I did date it was more as friends than for making out. I loved to dance and admired the dresses and shoes the girls wore to the big HS dances. But as sometimes happens I had to get married when I was young. Then all thoughts of dresses and being with the girls had to stop so I could raise a family. Many years later and marriage #3 I am very lucky to have an accepting and supporting wife. I am able to wear lingerie around her and I love her so much. Lately my thoughts have been very intense when I remember HS and my girl friends and wishing I could have been born a girl. I realize that before my first marriage I would have seriously considered transitioning to a woman rather go on as a guy. But that was not how things were in the 70s. A guy was a guy and a girl was a girl and a guy who wore girls things had a mental problem. But now………. If I were 20 or 30 years younger and it was this day and age – absolutely I want to transition! Life has taken a toll on my body, mind, and spirit. I don’t think I could survive the rigors of transitioning. I am happy being able to dress as a woman and even let my hair down, so to speak, and feel like a woman around my wife. I will find a counselor to help me and to really determine if I am transgender. Just knowing will put my mind at ease. Knowing that for my whole life I have not been crazy I was just born the wrong gender will allow me to be at ease with myself as I am now. No worries and life has some strange ways of working out. I actually believe that I am a lesbian at heart because I love being with the girls and being “with” the girls😁. TTFN💋👠

    Danielle

     

    <hr />

    Hey

  • #2542
     Ginnie Gidlund 
    Participant

    FREE

    bout 5 years before the real transition. I had a terrible night when I had terrible dreams for about 3/4 hour and cried 1/4 and then it came back the same again.In the mrning I went to the acute meical station here and told about the terrible dreams. I really thought this was because stree in the job, but the doc gave me internet adresses to the TS organisations here in weden after a shoert time I tried to go back to the job, but that did not work so my employer sent me to a spyc doctor and he sent me home and that kept me off my job for about 5 months. Slowly I decided to lollow the first advice. After some time I found that there was possibly some truth in the first diagnoseA,d after about four month I got the psy doc to refere me o a TS/TG specialist. I send my paper but nothing was heard from the hospital.After two months or so I got a mesage that tole that on doctor that had helped TSTG persons earlier, bud he would return from his reriement to help me. By now it had passed 2 years since I firs had some ideas of what was to happen. And then Ll went along the standards of care from WPATH. Just a mall problem with the op that forced me to stay 2 weeks in the hospital instead of the 8 syas that ws normal.
    Ginnie

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  • #2514
     Anonymous

    What Jenn said is so true. My mother feminized me between four and six and I loved it from that first moment she put lipstick on my lips. She was also crossdressing my biological father. However it alienated my grandfather. And the other men in my family so she dad split I manned up. Then she married a sexual predator who raped me and my brother for seven years. This cemented the dislike of men I have had since and fueled a spate of fully dressing in my mother’s clothes and makeup from fourteen to sixteen when my brother caught me and outed me. This was the early seventies and the reaction was counseling which I barely managed to sidestep by suddenly amping the man juice by taking advanced SCUBA training and various dangerously manly pursuits which turned it into experimental behavior only, yeah right. High school social pressure kept the man juice going into my twenties and I married and worked high pay dangerous construction and demolition projects but as that marriage ended because she said I was to feminine my dressing cane back. But as I lived in a tiny rural town as a single dad it HAD to stay hidden. Then I met the woman I am in love with. She had had a lesbian relationship and is attracted to my softer side. But now that I have shed the male mask and want to physically feminize I am fearful of her reaction.

    god I apologize for going on and on. Like I said truly the floodgates are open in my heart

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    • #3815
       Tara 
      Participant

      SILVER

      Maria! You are such an amazing woman. Your story is much like many of us who have suppressed our true selves and emerged ourselves in hypermasculinity to try to hide (military career for me). In the end, I think we all still have to face the truth that we can’t hide or run from our true self. I’m so happy for you that you have someone in your life who’s accepting and loving.

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    • #3817
       Anonymous

      Bless you my dear Tara your kind words humble me.

      💋💗

  • #2280
     ‘Eave 
    Participant

    FREE

    When did I know? I would say sometime between 6 and 8. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have both. I have always wanted to be both since the first time I can remember sing a person of the opposite sex nude. I think I even asked my mother and her reply was there are differences between girls and boys. I wondered why, may have even asked why but I never got an answer that I could believe in. So, when mom was away, I played with her makeup and clothes.

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  • #2234
     Vanessa Law 
    Managing Ambassador

    SILVER

    Hi Venessa… I think I knew since I was young that something just wasn’t right, I really didn’t know what it was but I just never really got along with the boys and their interests just didn’t interest me. As I got older I stuck around the house and Mom taught me how to cook,bake and everything else. This really did nothing for the father son bonding and was told over and over by him that I had to “act like a man and stop acting like a sissy”. I prayed every night that God would fix me and make me normal. I tried so hard to be the man my father wanted, I ended up getting married and having two wonderful boys but that ache was still there no matter what I did.

    It wasn’t till we got internet that i learned about Transgender but when ever I did a search 99% of the time would come back with porn and I knew that wasn’t me. When I turned 50 is when I had enough,my deepening depression caused the marriage to break up and I had ended up in the hospital a few times,it wasn’t till my Doctor told me that what ever I was running from I had better turn and face it is going to kill you.I sought counselling and with the counselor’s help I started my transition at 54 years of age. Most Everybody has been really good my Boys and good friends just told me that they knew and were glad that I am becoming my authentic self, which is pretty awesome.

    So if anybody says they are to old to transition I say you are never to old to be you!

    Love I am so glad you found your authentic self <3 <3

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  • #1046
     Alana Wood 
    Participant

    FREE

    I am really struggling with this. What started as a bit of a sexual fetish if I am honest now has changed and I’m in a nightmare of a place. I am 40 , married and have 2 young children but I now know that I want to transition. I told my wife about the clothes and she was ok if I did it when no one was in. She said if it was any more my marriage would be over. I’m now struggling to deal with everything . Hope everyone else is ok too xx

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    • #1075
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Alana, reaching out is a good step in helping deal with the struggle.  In retrospect I wish I had sought professional counseling when I reached your current state.  I’d be happy to talk to you about it.
      Hugs, Cloe

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  • #919
     Jaime P. 
    Participant

    FREE

    When I forced myself to be honest about who I was, I felt that wearing women’s clothes was a start and not a destination.  When I allowed myself to behave naturally, it was in a feminine way.  Before transitioning, I would always have to act like a man.  Now, I never question that anything that I do is not feminine.  Right now, I am on HRT.  I am looking forward to getting surgery.

     

    Also, it is never too late.  I started in my 40’s.  There is always a way.  I am in support group where people started transitioning later than I did.  Each one of them are happy that they did.

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    • #1073
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Jamie, I’m at that point of being on HRT for 6 months and with divorce about complete am finding it very hard to stop thoughts of bottom surgery.  It’s been half a lifetime since I first knew I needed to do this and finally doing something about it.  Hope to keep touch with you on our journeys.

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  • #917
     Deborah Sim 
    Participant

    FREE

    Hi Venessa… I think I knew since I was young that something just wasn’t right, I really didn’t know what it was but I just never really got along with the boys and their interests just didn’t interest me. As I got older I stuck around the house and Mom taught me how to cook,bake and everything else. This really did nothing for the father son bonding and was told over and over by him that I had to “act  like a man and stop acting like a sissy”. I prayed every night that God would fix me and make me normal. I tried so hard to be the man my father wanted, I ended up getting married and having two wonderful boys but that ache was still there no matter what I did.

    It wasn’t till we got internet that i learned about Transgender but when ever I did a search 99% of the time would come back with porn and I knew that wasn’t me. When I turned 50 is when I had enough,my deepening depression caused the marriage to break up and I had ended up in the hospital a few times,it wasn’t till my Doctor told me that what ever I was running from I had better turn and face it is going to kill you.I sought counselling and with the counselor’s help I started my transition at 54 years of age. Most Everybody  has been really good my Boys and good friends just told me that they knew and were glad that I am becoming my authentic self, which is pretty awesome.

    So if anybody says they are to old to transition I say you are never to old to be you!

    6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1070
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Deborah, I’m happy you were able to live your authentic life.  I met a girl last night who had FFS after 70 and GRS at 75.  She was there with her wife of 51 yrs.  It’s never too late.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #12648
       Anonymous

      I’m not sure what to write. I am going to turn 70. I remember telling my older sister that I wanted to be a girl when I was 5. I First dressed at puberty in my moms clothes. We were same size and it was heaven. I have suppressed for decades and cannot make a decision. I would love to go on hormones and am trying to move forward. I love reading all your comments. Thank you so much.

  • #893
     Kerin Kelley 
    Participant

    FREE

    I think I new all along but for a million reasons chose to push these thoughts and feelings aside. I never really fit in with other boys or had common interests with them. As I got older the guys I was around would see a pretty girl and talk about how much they wanted to be with her. I played along but what I remember thinking is that I wanted very much to BE her and felt jealous of girls that they got to be who they were. I eventually conformed and married and had 3 beautiful daughters which I love but it was hard to see them grow into women like I dtsti feel I should have. I have secretly cross dressed most of my life but never feel “right” as me. Sorry for rambling and the fact that I’m not a very good writer. I am hoping to get to know some of you that have had similar experiences and see how you coped. Thanks Vanessa for the site and opportunity to get this out to

     

    6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1068
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Kerin, my coping was done through wearing things underneath my drab clothes.  For 25 yrs, while rassing my family,  that sustained me.  I found I could limit it to a few panties and pantyhose.  The hose purged themselves and the panties were easy enough to hide.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #888
     Dame Veronica Graunwolf 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR

    Me…..in my mid 30’s.  Never got around to it….now too old.

    Dame Veronica

    Dame Veronica Graunwolf

    3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #849
     Dame Veronica Graunwolf 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR

    Jennifer….hi sweetie!  It is never too late to go for your dream. Do the research into what is required and what you will go thru….it is expensive, painful and takes quite a while to complete. You want to be sure your body/mind can take this change and physical condition and age can have a huge impact upon whether or not this route can be taken. There are many tales about those who delayed such decisions and now live with the regret of could have, should have and so on. The decision can be very damaging to family life and to friends as well. This is not to be taken lightly….once done there is no going back. Do contact your local LGBT organization and talk to as many of them as is possible before making a decision. The more info….the better.

    I am here for you if you wish to chat more about this….my door is always open.

    Dame Veronica

    Dame Veronica Graunwolf

    4 users thanked author for this post.
  • #847
     Jennifer James 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hi Vanessa…I think I knew that there was something more than a an infatuation with women’s clothing when I was in college. I admired girls but wanted to be like them.  I wanted to look like them.  Then of course I went through stages of wrestling with the way I was born and who I wanted to be. My experience was similar to yours. I wished that someone would invent a pill that I could take and wake up in a new body.  Now I am older and dearly want to transition.  I can’t express how much I wish I would have done it earlier in my life.

    Jennifer

    5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #8671
       Anna Ovesen 
      Participant

      SILVER

      I understood it ‘s  was something         “ment-to-be special” as early as         between 3-5 year old ☺!when I was about    7-11 years I understood it better since I “borrowed” my mom and sisters cloths and my sisters dolls and toys ;-I told my mom   & dad but they always think&see it as if I was homo (a man loving another man)          It make’s me WERY,WERY SAD 😂😂😂😭😭😭😓😓😓

    • #2477
       Jennifer 
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hi Jennifer

      Unfortunately for most of us here, had we sought help at an earlier age we would have been subjected to horrendous ridicule, turned over to a psychologist for horrible mental manipulation or torture. There are so many resources for teens today that didn’t exist in our day. So there is no wonder that there are so many of us of our age trying to deal at a late point in our life. So don’t regret not starting earlier, it’s just happenstance that we were born when we were. If we hid it probably ended up being a life saver for us then. Thank God those days are going away and now we all have resources even though the path might be a little different.

      Jenn

      3 users thanked author for this post.

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