Thank you, Jamie. Nice to meet you. I’ve been battling depression for years. Thoughts of suicide come and go. I have good days and bad days. I hang in there and do the best I can. For me, the biggest issue is wanting to be the person that Autumn is full time. There are times when I want to lash out like a poisonous snake at the hatred I see in society, and the hatred directed at me. But lately I’ve been focusing more on how Autumn would handle it. She wouldn’t want revenge, she would find a gentle way to handle the situation. As Mike, the instinct is to just hate them back, but hate only leads to more hate. I’ve never wanted to be like that, I’ve always wanted a peaceful life, to be surrounded by love. No matter what gender I was. But that smooth emotional state you mentioned is a part of who Autumn is. Who I am inside, that person who wants to smile, laugh, be polite, use words like please and thank you and not get dirty looks for it. To be able to show that I care and not get picked on for it. To be able to cry and not get laughed at called weak for it. To be able to share who I really am, what I like – music, movies, books, things like that – what I’m looking for, the kind of life I’d like to live. To be gentle, to be known as a gentle person. Who loves giving hugs. That’s the person I want to be, the person I need to be. Being Autumn full time in the privacy of my home makes me feel so good, the real me is free to be her complete-self here. And for right now, it would be enough just to be able to be that person outside of my home. No matter how I have to dress. Does this make sense? What I’m trying to say is, male or female, no matter how we identify, to me it’s about being the person I really am inside. Autumn has a good heart, she would never hurt anyone. I want to be the person she is full time. If I’m able to do that, then I might be able to take the next step.
Big Hug 🙂