12 months of being Melanie

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    Topic
  • #116594
    Melanie Penson
    Participant

    Hi Folks

    It has been 12 whole months since I officially came out as Melanie, since my deed poll letter arrived and since my mother said some horrible transphobic words on my birthday. We have barely spoken since.

    I have been building my life back up, this time as Female, how I should have been right from the start. A year can seem a long time and an eye-blink all at once.

    I have made so many wonderful friends in this time, really feel like part of “the family” at my well-being cafe and church. Colleagues that had known me 20 years in my old male life accept me as Melanie without question (I had been a bit worried about that). All this easily outweighs the few people who have left my life because they “couldn’t cope” with my new life. I don’t need them!

    I am embracing all that my new life has to offer; feeling new emotions, being able to cry, let bad feelings out, having girly chats, being complented on my outfits by strangers, feeling my growing hair streaming out behind me, my boobies inside my bra, pulling up my stockings and attaching my suspender (garter) clips. It all feels amazing.

    Yesterday, I found that my usually domineering mother is now a shell of her former self, she hid away when I went to visit. My dad was ok and always has been about my transitioning and we had a good chat. He’s helping me get my car fixed (new tyres, brake pads etc).

    Mum didn’t want to see me dressed how I normally am, in skirt, blouse and stockings. I think she’s still grieving for having “lost her son”. The truth being she never really had a son in the first place, it was just that I felt forced into accepting the role I never wanted. I’ve been drifting away from her since 1977 and we’re a long way apart now. It doesn’t upset me,  I am happier without her negativity in my life, no more judgement, her telling me I’m “an embarrassment” or making a big fuss (“ruining everyone’s evening”) because I gave an involuntary gasp of pain when I stood up too quickly after an hour in a cramped seat. No more of being told I cannot attend family get-togethers, or them being planned behind my back.

    I have another family now, one where I feel loved and cherished as much for who I AM as for what I DO. Sometimes you have to be a human Being as opposed to a human Doing.

    I still get stressed at times, I get street harassment but I can hold my head up knowing that I’m more of a woman than the cat-callers will ever be a “man”.

    Would I ever return to my old male life?

    Never in a Million Years!

    6 users thanked author for this post.
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    • #116613
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Melanie:

      VERY happy that things are going well for you and I sincerely hope that it continues!

      I agree that you are better off without those who are no longer friends. It makes me wonder if they ever were. Clearly, those who have remained friends care about you, the person, rather than the wrapping. They know and appreciate you for the good person that you are. Sad that it takes this sort of event to show who is really there for you, but nonetheless, it is a good thing to know…

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #116616

        Hi Dee-Ann

        Thanks for your reply. I really feel that I have turned a corner now. I have had my nails painted, I am putting weight back on again (i had lost so much due to illness) and I cannot tell how much lighter and calmer I feel.

        I am doing things that make me feel good, not feeling beholden to anyone or feeling forced to go along with another’s agenda.

         

        Hugs and xx from Mel

        • #116655
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          VERY Good!

          This whole deal is about progress. Not rapid, turn everything upside down progress, but rather deliberate and thoughtful progress. That is the kind that stays…

    • #116603
      Michelle Larsen
      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Melanie, I loved reading this. As true a success story as I have read in a long time. And I especially enjoyed the “you have to be a human Being as opposed to a human Doing”. Not sure where you heard or saw that, or if it yours, but those are good words. Hugs, Michelle

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #116604

        Hi Michelle xx

         

        It was actually Bart Simpson who first said that!

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