Any advice for Social transition for ftm 14yr old

[Sharne Oflaherty]

Hi, my 14 year old ftm lesbian child finally shared their preferences with us last night. We’ve been waiting a long time for this and we’re all delighted he can now just be himself. We’re in Ireland and I’m trying to find out how to change his name for school, clubs etc. He’s so young so not covered by our trans laws. Anyone else gone through this and any advice on how to help and support our child?

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Welcome to the group! I also give you very high marks for parenting as many would not do what is really needed to support their child. While I don’t have specific experience with this situation, I can share some things about social transition as I have essentially socially transitioned (M>F).

Social transition is largely about the visuals and deportment. Looking the part is very helpful.

Visually, typical clothing of 14 year old males is about where you want to be, stylistically and in terms of color. The idea is to fit in.

In terms of deportment, things like speech (tone, cadence, inflections, etc), body language and gestures come into play. Observation, in general, should be very helpful. Perhaps some difficulty comes in because you want to give the impression of just being a regular male and not an effeminate version. That would probably bring some unwanted scrutiny.

[Sharne Oflaherty]

Thanks DeeAnn for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I can see my child mimicking his dad and brother- their walk, behaviours, interactions, etc. Its kinda cute to see. I’ve always bought him clothes tailored to his now body like womens jeans, womens runners etc. I can see now its time to let him find his own style hopefully it’ll help him feel more stronger and happier in his true self. Again thank you so much for sharing honestly with me.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Not a problem!

The sad thing is that there are so many parents who take the opposite approach and try to force their child to fit into the traditional binary construct. However, some kids just necessarily fall outside of that and you can’t force fit them into what society expects. Such parents never seem to think about the extraordinary harm that they cause.

Again, I commend you as a parent. Kicking a kid out of the house is easy, but doing what you are doing takes considerable effort, courage and conviction. Many trans kids would kill to have such a parent and I’m pretty certain that you and your son will have a positive outcome!

Best of Luck!

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