Attracted to femininity VS sexual attraction

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    • #130976

      I’m the beginning of your MTF journey and or self acceptance has anyone discovered that all along you’ve been attracted to the femininity of females and not actually sexually or physically attracted?  Feel like I’m going through that now and just was curious if anyone else has.



    • #130980

      Yes I have discovered that also.
      Just yesterday,I had a friend that was just finding out that I’m trans. Trying to tell me I’m attracted to females, and that I am always looking etc.
      I had to explain that I am always studying and learning from the females around me. Actions, manners, clothing, everything.

    • #130983

      Quite simply, I adore women and the feminine form. In my fantasies I’m always pleasing them. Hugs Katie

    • #130986

      Great question! for me it’s both. i’ve had the physical attraction as an AMAB does, but when i see a beautiful woman i also feel envy because i want to be her. that feeling has become most predominant for the last 10 years or so and that tells me i was deeply in gender dysphoria then. when i was younger i was pretty inept at dating and pretty inexperienced in sex until i got married. i knew part of the reason was my feminine feelings which caused me to hold back for fear of being outted.

      • #131022

        I agree.  My past is somewhat similar to yours. It’s amazing how much you discover and how you thought things were when you are going through self acceptance.

    • #130992
      Lauren Mugnaia

      Yes, we are attracted to all things feminine, the love of feminine beauty is part of our very being! I have been that way as long as I can remember. It has gotten me in trouble during both of my marriages, I always had to explain that I wasn’t eyeing other women, just what they were wearing, their hair, outfits and their makeup. I often had to endure the slightly sarcastic reply…”Sure”
      Now that I have transitioned, I’m in love with being as feminine as I possibly can at all times.

      Hugs girls,

      Lauren M

    • #130994

      I have always been attracted to women, I love their company, love being around them. One of the few real joys of my pre- coming out trans days was the rare occasions I was accepted among my female friends as a sort of “honorary one of the girls” and included in their intimate discussions.

      A big part of delaying transition had to do with getting the message when I was younger that in order to date girls I had to be a “guy”, so I struggled mightily to shoehorn myself into just enough of cishet masculine normality to be accepted as a heterosexual male.

      It was excruciating and exhausting, and I wasn’t very good at it: I was too soft, too empathetic, too disinterested in traditionally male things.

      I often thought of myself as a Lesbian trapped in a man’s body.

      As I got older and learned more about transgender possibilities, I recognized that my attraction is for “femme”, not cis women per se.

      I’m not terribly attracted to “butch” women or many “tomboys”. I like soft, smooth, smelling good, breasts and curves; dresses, skirts and lingerie, bling, makeup, and hair; but I’m not overly concerned with crotch plumbing.

      There’s the old trans awareness question along the lines of “Do you want to do her, or do you want to be her?” I feel I can honestly say both!

      When I started HRT, I wondered whether that would alter my attraction circuits, so far not appreciably.

      I’ll confess that I have found an appreciation for attention from pretty traditionally presenting males, I feel flattered and validated to hear from a man that he is attracted enough to me to tell me so, I’ve even pondered accepting an offer to go out, but I’m doubtful I’d want it to go any further (does that make me bi-romantic?).

      Basically it’s still femme that get my motor running, they’re the ones I still check out on the street.


    • #131100
      DeeAnn Hopings

      Seeing as how the sexuality of trans women is as varied as that of cisgender women, femininity and attraction may coincide, but for others it may not…

    • #131114

      I love reading all these different perspectives. Diversity is something nature loves in my opinion.

      Here’s how I live:

      I love feminine expression and form. Its that kind that is not worn like a mask but rather the way a person moves or stands or speaks and their expressions. If you haven’t I recommend reading or listening to Whipping Girl. In it he author covers femininity. Its a bit academic but really sheds some light on our culture.

      I too am also attracted sexually to feminine people, mostly people that express their gender as Women or lean toward a femme expression and their entire bodies. Its strange, when I didn’t know the possibility of transition, I hated my maleness. I might have autism so that could have made me feel unconnected to my male features. I had the opposite opinion of the popular strain that masculinity is better. I know that femininity is equal to masculinity. I have always valued femininity, but I seem to lack a lot of romantic attraction – or I don’t know how to express it.

      In regard to myself, I am starting to understand that I can express femininity and masculinity however feels right to me regardless of what my body looks like. So can anyone else. One thing to note is that a person can have any type of body with any physical form and still express themselves however they want. This relates to your question, because until recently (last month) I thought I had to have a female anatomy to give myself permission to be attracted to my own femininity. (Not that I wont want that at some point).

    • #131117

      I’ve come to realize that much of my confusion around my affinity for females comes from my (recently accepted) desire to BE female. I just thought I was girl crazy like other guys when growing up – but now, I’ve seemed to “hack” this attraction in search of acceptance and better understanding myself as a transgendered person.

      Explains why I never felt like I was on the right side of the equation when it came to intimacy with women. Explains why I always seemed to confuse my female partners based on my (lack of) physical affection. Explains why I fall in love with people’s minds over their body as well.

      I now look at women with a small bit of envy and appreciation of any female expression. I see curves and features I don’t have with longing and a mild sadness… but with hope that one day I can find myself closer in matching my inner female self to what I show the world every day.


      • #131176

        This describes me to a tee almost.  Like you I’ve always been attracted to the mind instead of or before the body.   And the arousals when it comes to women have been replaced with envy, desires and wants.

    • #131180

      I think that I was more attracted to females in the sense of watching them and talking to them to learn how to act like a woman.

    • #131207
      DeeAnn Hopings

      I think, as a group, we mustn’t lose sight of the fact that sexuality, gender identity and attraction are multi-tiered concepts and they exist in parallel. There are no easy 10 cent answers because things are so intertwined.

      For those of us who like puzzles and challenges, I guess we are in the right place as there are MANY layers to peel on this onion. Also, we know that solving a puzzle requires patience and thought. That is very important for what we are about. Haste may allow us to overlook or discount what may turn out to be helpful information. The analogy for me is what you see along the street when you are riding in a car versus riding a bicycle versus walking. As you go slower, more of the detail and subtleties are seen…

      • #131208

        So true about slowing down and taking in what you are seeing

    • #131242

      I have recently found that when I see women in public my thoughts are usually, “I wish I could look like that”, “I wish I could wear that”, etc.


      The Gender Dysphoria Bible ( provides the following question, “Do you want to be her or be with her.” I find that in almost all situations I find myself answering that I want to be her.

      • #131289

        Thanks so much for that Website link, Jessica. It helped me a lot to understand more in-depth about my gender dysphoria and in such preparing myself for the journey ahead. It feels very encouraging to experience that being transgender is not a choice but more what I always and truly have been throughout my life. With a big sisterly hug, Sandra

        • #131290
          DeeAnn Hopings


          Our sexuality and gender identity were never choices. We have always been what we are. The problem is whether or not we realized it. If you read the stories of gay and transgender people, what you will find is that young kids knew that they were different in some way, but had no understanding and no vocabulary to describe what they were feeling. For example, if a girl child wanted to play with cars and trains and do boy things instead of dolls and cooking sets, parents and others more than likely attempted to change that behavior. Similarly, if a boy child wanted to play games with girls instead of sports with boys, parents and others more than likely attempted to change that behavior. In both cases, neither has any sense of sexuality or gender identity. They just happened to hit upon what was enjoyable and made sense. How can you choose something when you have no idea as to what the choices are?

          Further, this is why conversion therapy doesn’t work. You can change something that is innate. That’s what makes “Don’t Say Gay” absolutely useless. It won’t change a thing…

    • #131299

      [postquote quote=130976]
      I’ve always admired femininity in women. The way they move especially. As a young skirt chaser .. it definitely was about sexual attraction. I must admit that whether as a Skirt chaser or now as a Crossdresser .. I still don’t understand their thinking. What has become invaluable to be is as a Dresser I have learned so much about the Feminine Movements that I have admired my whole life.

    • #131354

      [postquote quote=131242]
      Thank you for that link!!!! It was definitely a good read and describes a lot about how I feel.

      • #131775
        Jan Janet

        For me, I’ve been divorced twice. There’s something awe-inspiring about a woman dressed up. And not just for work or dating or that wedding day either. I’ve no wonder to why I really want that. So now that I’m old and single, at this stage of my life, fealing preaty is for myself. And still, I am sexually attracted only to women.

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