ever doubted you were transgender?

Has anyone ever doubted you were TG?

Sometimes really doubt about be TG and think what i am doing, this is no rigth?

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  • #82434
    Annette Cross
    Participant

    Hello you all,

    I’m Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.

    The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG’s process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn’t, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.

    Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?

    1 user thanked author for this post.
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    • #82741
      Jemma Schumpert
      Participant

      FREE

      You are not alone nor are you “abnormal” for being doubtful.  I used to teach my Marines that courage is not the absence of fear but instead the acknowledgement of it.  Fear focuses the mind very well and motivates even better. Doubt helps you weed out the irrelevancies and discover the truths in your life thus making your decisions that much more laserlike and pure.

      I have so many days where I wish I could let go of the need to be Jemma.  It would be much less lonely, costly, and easier on my loved ones, but then I would be doomed to finishing my life locked in the lies I have had to live with for too many years.  I need to be Jemma, I have to be Jemma, and if that means I have to spend the rest of my life alone, then so be it.  At least I will finish with honesty as the woman I was always meant to be.

      Will I ever stop doubting?  I doubt it!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #82732
      Sophie Bourne
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hello you all,

      I’m Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.

      The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG’s process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn’t, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.

      Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?

      A question:

      How would being transgender, or not, change the difficulties that you mentioned? It would seem that they would exist either way…

      DeeAnn

      Yes, you are right, this kind of things will exist no matter the path I follow but I question myself if looking for a radical change is a way to scape of all this things, as can be alcohol, drugs or extreme sport just to mention ones.

      Thank you for take the time to analyze my question, you made me think and give me another point of view.

      Kisses,

      Annette

      Hi Annette,

      I guess these feelings are something you should discuss honestly with your therapist. Doubts snout what you are considering doing are perfectly natural, and it’s certainly better to discuss them now rather than a few months or years down the line.

      A key question might be whether you have felt over and over again that you are in the wrong body, that you are (or might be) transgender, and have simply not been able to deal with it or talk about it until now. Or have you felt more simply “something’s wrong, very wrong, but I don’t know what” and only recently thought that it is being trans?

      We simply can’t tell, but it might be that you are non-binary or gender fluid rather than simply (hah!) trans, or that you have realised you like cross dressing but aren’t sure you want to live as a woman full time. Or you might be trans through and through (you just know you’re a woman) but really really scared about it. These are all perfectly fine – by the way – there are simply loads of gender non-conforming people of all sorts, shapes, sizes and inclinations, and we are all wonderful and unique in our very special way.

      I’m sure you will find yourself, hon, and whatever you find is going to be OK. You’ll have friends and supporters to talk it through with.

      Take care, and stay safe! Sophie x

       

       

       

       

       

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #82730
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant

      BRONZE

      Hello you all,

      I’m Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.

      The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG’s process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn’t, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.

      Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?

      A question:

      How would being transgender, or not, change the difficulties that you mentioned? It would seem that they would exist either way…

      DeeAnn

      Yes, you are right, this kind of things will exist no matter the path I follow but I question myself if looking for a radical change is a way to scape of all this things, as can be alcohol, drugs or extreme sport just to mention ones.

      Thank you for take the time to analyze my question, you made me think and give me another point of view.

      Kisses,

      Annette

      I am reminded of an old saying:

      How do you eat an elephant?
      One spoonful at a time!

      Complex issues rarely have quick decisions. If they do, quite possibly it may not be the correct one. What’s important then, is to consider all of the pieces that come together to make the entire problem. By working through those bits and pieces you eventually arrive at where you want to be.

      But, overnight?

      No, not at all…

    • #82729
      Annette Cross
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hello you all,

      I’m Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.

      The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG’s process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn’t, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.

      Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?

      A question:

      How would being transgender, or not, change the difficulties that you mentioned? It would seem that they would exist either way…

      DeeAnn

      Yes, you are right, this kind of things will exist no matter the path I follow but I question myself if looking for a radical change is a way to scape of all this things, as can be alcohol, drugs or extreme sport just to mention ones.

      Thank you for take the time to analyze my question, you made me think and give me another point of view.

      Kisses,

      Annette

    • #82622
      Sophie Bourne
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hi Tiffany, I relate to this so much. I’ve lived half my life in the wrong body, and can’t bear the thought of living the other half like this as well. But still “all about me”.

      I’m struck my the number of trans women I’ve talked to (here and elsewheee) who have become loving, selfless carers, and then find themselves trapped by their love. Feeling utterly selfish if they transition; feeling utterly miserable if they don’t.

      Perhaps the only way out is to tell our loved ones exactly how we feel, and beg for their help. It’s another sort of validation really. But what I’d love to hear from my children and my friends is something like this.  “It is your life. Do what you need to be happy; we’ll cope. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be yourself, let alone ours. But you do have our blessing”.

      That would make me feel better I think.

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82603
      LeslieAnne
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi , I voted NO , i’ve always known i was different , i liked girls clothes , and would sneak my mom’s panties once in a wile . I was always very quiet , low key  , always afraid of any confrontation , i would leave , i was very submissive . I had no liking for a boy friend , and was afraid to ask a girl out ,so i just hung out with boys . I dreamed about being a girl , it seemed girls could get dates easier than boys , and i thought being a girl would be easier and quite wonderful . As the years progressed i became more into the fem style of life , purchased my own clothes , had my own apartment , dressed at home never out . Then i met my wife , fell in love and married , purged all my girly things , life was wonderful for a while . I would still get the urge to dress , admired how women dressed , and yes even still tried on my wifes things once in a while . My wife and i finally split up and went our own ways , i stayed male only for a year of two , and finally started purchasing my own girly stuff again ,and its never quit , i have never changed , i know who i am and i will always be this woman for ever . I can’t change , its like a permanent stain on me , it will not go away . I’am happy to be her , she and i have came to be in peace with each other and thats how it shall stay . Leslie is a great girl ,  she’s fun , soft , sexy and always in a fem style of life , i’am going to enjoy her for as long as i live . I hope i answered this question in a lady like style , i will always be a lady . Love you all , Leslie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82598
      Traci Lynn
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi there and yes. Like you I never had never experienced feeling like a woman in my life, I didnt crossdress or even try it. I was your stereotypical all male. Excelled at sports, joined the military, was married early, children the whole thing. I was bi/pan sexual and always felt something just wasnt quite right. But being busy with career, marriage, and children I just never devoted any time to discovering what it was. Flash forward to today, 6 months on HRT. I still look in the mirror and just see a man, I refuse to say I am transgender. Not because I am not, but rather because I think its unfair to say I am until I start to look transgender. I always say I am transitioning to transgender. But then I look at my body, and realize my boobs have got a decent start. I practice makeup, and am getting better.

      The point is I am changing, and although the mirror still see’s the old me, the new me is excitedly coming out. Better late than never! I realized that just because I never crossdressed or admitted her existance didnt mean she wasnt always there in the background waiting for me to find her. I have, and yes I am now transgender.

      Traci Lynn

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82596
      Tiffany Alexis
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Lots of people I’m sure will doubt me. My dad is one of them. He fundamentally doesn’t understand. But there’s nothing I can do about that. I adapt and overcome.

      My heart is in the game

    • #82570
      Sophie Bourne
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hi… not really in doubt since I was 19 (when I first read Caroline Cossey’s autobiography, and realised “that’s me”). But I’ve tried to deny myself, repress myself, or just live ignoring my needs so much over the years. And sometimes I almost forgot.

      At the moment, my really massive doubt is whether I should be transitioning … the timing just seems absolutely, bizarrely, terrible. How could I possibly have picked this month and this year, of all my years, to come out and start to transition? I must be absolutely insane … the medical, therapy, and social support has just vanished all around me as soon as I needed it. And loads of people are dying; how could I possibly be this vain and this selfish?

      Paradoxically, transitioning to womanhood just seems such a selfishly “male” thing to do … “Hey, look at me, I don’t care about anyone else; it’s all about me”. Something that a loving, caring woman would never do now. So I’m stuck.

      All in all, I think a bit of self-doubt right now is perfectly natural. For any of us.

      Love, Sophie xx

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #82595
        Tiffany Alexis
        Managing Ambassador

        MANAGING AMBASSADOR

        Maybe it’s selfish but I just can’t watch myself turn into an old man that thought terrifies me like none other. I’d rather not get old…I can’t do it. I can’t stay like this. I don’t think I’m being selfish either, ive literally given my whole life to service of others.

        My heart is in the game

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82547
      Stacy Ann May
      Participant

      FREE

      I think I understand where you’re coming from. I think it is natural to wonder the reasons that are truly driving us on our journey.

      I’ve tried to convince myself I wasn’t transgender, many times over many years. I believe if it were possible for me to convince myself that I wasn’t, it would have happened. Even after all this time there is still an occasional temptation to question it or evade it in some other manner. The pattern of repression and denial is easy to fall back into. It’s all I’ve ever really known.

      All I could do was examine all the gender related things I had thought or experienced in my life and carefully examine them. Recall them, write them down, and consider them as dispassionately and objectively as possible. After that, I concluded that I wasn’t being honest if I didn’t admit it to myself. I also realize that being uncomfortable about it is unfortunately part of this experience for me, and something better acknowledged than struggled with.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82539
      SophieFR
      Participant

      AMBASSADOR - EDITOR

      Personally I think that is quiet natural to have moments of doubt on many levels when you chooe this path. After realising or having decided that is who you truely are, you may go through a great emotional shift that you have unlikely experienced before or ever will again.

      I assume that arriving at that point is not one made lightly and often after many years of self exploration, re your identity, attempting to resolve inner conflict. The later a result of being raised and educated in a gender orientated way that does not sit well with your inner self. Social stigma, media, family etc., can all contribute to keeping you in that place longer than desirable. Hence we can find ourselves later in life feeling we have been trapped inside oursleves. Possibly causing all kinds if issues and truama throughout our lives
      I reached a point in my life when I just knew that it was a path that I had to take. However, that did not prevent me from having thoughts of self doubt on many levels. But my committment and self need were much stronger than my doubts. The doubts I had were short lived, the more my life continued those ideas never surfaced again.  It can takes different things for each of us to be able to discover our true self.

      Mine was just learning to love myself and be able to accept who and what I was. It sounds so simple when I read that back, but it took me almost a lifetime to discover it.
      In my heart, I know now who I am and who I have been all my life.
      I hope you can find that too.

    • #82538
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant

      BRONZE

      Hello you all,

      I’m Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.

      The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG’s process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn’t, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.

      Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?

      A question:

      How would being transgender, or not, change the difficulties that you mentioned? It would seem that they would exist either way…

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82536
      Annette Cross
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hello you all,

      I’m Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.

      The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG’s process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn’t, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.

      Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?

      Annette, I have am in the same boat as you. I just realized that I am trans and I have declared my birthday to be 2/23. Similarly I am fighting the same doubt of am I trans as you are. As with you I didnt know I was a woman since I was little. I can definitely (sp check almost corrected that to effeminately) look back at a whole metric ton of events, thoughts, and feeling that confirm I am trans, but I didnt declare to myself when I was younger that I was a woman. I also take that one a step further because I am super confused right now because 2 weeks ago I was having dysphoria about my genitals and now I am not. Super weird and totally not helping with doubt.

      As far as my past goes I know that as a kid I did my best to hid my “transness” from myself. I locked it all away in a place in my mind that I couldn’t reach until about 2 years ago. Even then it only unlocked it subconsciously and I still had to wait for an event to further unlock the rest. In that time period I was so deeply in denial that I couldnt even process some of the world around me. For the life of me until 2 months ago I didnt know what ULTA sold/did, even though I know I have walked in there multiple times. I couldnt understand what transgender was. I had an acquaintance transition and I couldnt wrap my mind around it. Messed up pronouns and name left and right for the whole weekend we were at the same event. It was weird, the mind does some strange things.

      In the end Annette each one of our jouney’s is unique. Yes we can all share alot of the same or similar experiences, but the “total sum” of all of our experiences is 100% different from everyone else. Believe what is in your heart. If your heart is telling you that you are not the gender you were assigned at birth, then that means you are not the gender you were assigned at birth and that is OK.

       

      Dear Elizka

      Thank you so much to share your doubts with me, it’s really a powerful thing to know that I am not the only one who question self about it.

      I think my troubles started in the fact that when a was a kid I was told that I need to act like a man and If I don’t I will have a lot of troubles inside my inner circle and outside. I was attending an all-male school so it was more difficult to express myself so the only way I can find to “fit” was to be a “manly person”. But this feeling never go away like I read early in a book. The problem is I hide so much time this feelings that I don’t know how to stop myself and embrace they now.

      I will continue to share with you all my journey.

      Kisses,

      Annette

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #82535
      Annette Cross
      Participant

      SILVER

      Thanks, I know how much confussing can it be

      Kisses,

      Annette

    • #82534
      Annette Cross
      Participant

      SILVER

      Thank you CC for share your experiences with me, they are very helpful.

      I know that ultimate my inner self will tell me who really I am but when I read so many experiences of trans people who said “I was knowing since I was 4, 5, 6 etc” I start to question myself about it. I will risk so much if I go out as TG so I need to be as more sure as possible.

      Thank you again.

      Kisses,

      Annette

    • #82514
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant

      BRONZE

      No, once I sorted out how things sat for me several years ago, that was it and I haven’t looked back…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #82505
      CC Webb
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      I know quite a few later and late and life who came to acknowledge they are transgender.  For me it was my late 20’s when I had my “lightening bolt” moment that I was TS (TG wasn’t even a word then).  Then I reasoned it away for 20 years, adding layers of doubt, impracticalities and impossibilities centered around religion, responsibilities and finance and just plane old “dude in a dress”.  The closet doors just kept piling up as the previous ones would just not be enough to repress the truth that would surface time and again.  Since finally acknowledging that it was all a huge lie to myself I’ve been at peace with myself.  The world around me hasn’t been the kindest and each setback comes with the questions of is this worth it or did I do the right thing.  But then I reflect on the lifelong struggle to be what I was taught to be that had failed and I know that it was because I wasn’t being authentic most of that time.

      Be true to yourself.  Something brought you to this point in your life’s walk.  Trust the decisions you make because no one else knows you better than yourself.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82502
      https://transgenderheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-b14-2.jpgAnonymous
      Inactive

      I’ve had a lot of confusion. For a long time I was sure I was non binary and bi gendered but the further I went down the road the more I realised that I was not happy with my Male body and had increasingly spent less and less time in my male guise. I eventually I took a long hard look at myself and realised that I was transgender. I still flit back now and again but I don’t actually have a male guise anymore. I know I am not bi gendered but I am probably still non binary in some way. Like I said its confusing.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #82454
      Elizka Anderson
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hello you all,

      I’m Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.

      The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG’s process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn’t, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.

      Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?

      Annette, I have am in the same boat as you. I just realized that I am trans and I have declared my birthday to be 2/23. Similarly I am fighting the same doubt of am I trans as you are. As with you I didnt know I was a woman since I was little. I can definitely (sp check almost corrected that to effeminately) look back at a whole metric ton of events, thoughts, and feeling that confirm I am trans, but I didnt declare to myself when I was younger that I was a woman. I also take that one a step further because I am super confused right now because 2 weeks ago I was having dysphoria about my genitals and now I am not. Super weird and totally not helping with doubt.

      As far as my past goes I know that as a kid I did my best to hid my “transness” from myself. I locked it all away in a place in my mind that I couldn’t reach until about 2 years ago. Even then it only unlocked it subconsciously and I still had to wait for an event to further unlock the rest. In that time period I was so deeply in denial that I couldnt even process some of the world around me. For the life of me until 2 months ago I didnt know what ULTA sold/did, even though I know I have walked in there multiple times. I couldnt understand what transgender was. I had an acquaintance transition and I couldnt wrap my mind around it. Messed up pronouns and name left and right for the whole weekend we were at the same event. It was weird, the mind does some strange things.

      In the end Annette each one of our jouney’s is unique. Yes we can all share alot of the same or similar experiences, but the “total sum” of all of our experiences is 100% different from everyone else. Believe what is in your heart. If your heart is telling you that you are not the gender you were assigned at birth, then that means you are not the gender you were assigned at birth and that is OK.

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
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