I would love some advice or insight on how you read my situation or thoughts.
I started being envious of girls and their clothes when I was 13 or 14…and then turned to being excited wishing I was a girl.
When I was 7 or 8, I do however distinctly remember my mom that if I was born a girl I would have been named Stephanie (hence the name) and i brushed it off but also made me feel numb.
These feelings have never subsided…even though I tried to repress them…now I am 38 with 3 kids and a wife. When my wife and I were dating or engaged I would cry after a fight…and distinctly remember her asking one time if I was going to transition (apparently I exuded some femininity and although I said no…it made me feel really good in hindsight.)
I can definitely 100% tell you if I died and came back to life I would want to be a woman.
I am still very envious of women’s clothing and when I see an attractive woman (even in the most mundane tasks like at target or walking the dog) I think how much I wish I were her…the feelings are even worse when she is dressed up. Even we watch TV shows I am wishing I was the woman.
I have put on some of my wife’s clothes from time to time and love how they make me feel…but I then feel shame afterward as well as pleasure myself but still get excited when I tthink of being a woman.
Now that I have so much to loose (wife, kids, house, family) I am very nervous of even seeing a therapist and actually being diagnosed with gender dysophoria.
And if that happened and went on hrt…would it actually help and would i feel better…I just don’t want to make a mistake and be wrong and loose everything…I am ok being a guy, but like the thought of embracing feminity!
Any insight would be most appreciated!
Confused and Questioning.
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