Hello

[Stacey Jacobs]

Hey,

I am 30yrs old, will be 31 in February 2021.

Since I was young, I have always felt I was different from everyone.  I use to prefer making friends with Females rather than Males! I used struggle with friendships with other males, and was subject to severe bullying, at Primary & Secondary Schools. 😔

Due to the severe bullying, my Dr medically signed me off education for my last 2 years of secondary school, with no qualifications. I did however attend College and gained qualifications there, highest being a First Diploma.

I always felt feminine inside, but I was always told ‘stop being stupid, you are a boy!’.

I’ve for many years, Collected/Purchased various items of Female Clothing & Underwear, in which I wear privately within my Bedroom.

My stash has been found on many occasions, by my brother (2 years younger!) whom has no respect for anyones privacy… He is very against Transgenders, and he no respect towards me and would rather cause embarrassment and use black mail against me for being different.

I’ve remained hidden within a bubble and continued dressing feminine privately, I have gone out at night on occasions dressed in female clothing, with make up etc.

During 2019 & 2020, I ordered some breast enlarging/enhancement creams from Super Drug & had also used Naturaful too. Since using these, my breats have developed slightly and I fully fill a 40A Bra!! I still has aches & pains within my breasts now, even though I run out of creams 2 months ago, and haven’t been able to afford anymore. 😔

This bubble is at bursting point, I have been feeling really down the last year and this month has been the worst ever! The desire to dress more and more, I’ve refused to have my hair cut for 2months, I’ve purchased more female clothing & underwear.

My mother asked me if I was Gay, a couple weeks ago, after finding a Bra in my room that I forgot to put away, and I said no! I am struggling to find away of telling her, I am transgender and want to be female.

I’ve already chosen a New First, Middle & Last Name for myself.

I’ve not told anyone else yet either, however since getting back in contact with my cousins in August, after 12 years apart, one of them who is 20, I get on with amazingly well and the amount of trust etc we have between us both, is overwhelming. She said to me in a private chat together last month, that I am very feminine in the way I act and talk, what’s my plans? She’s worked me out, but I chickened out and dismissed her. We’re still talking though 😉

I am currently awaiting for my GP Surgery to reopen and I’ll be making an appointment, I’ll tell them how I feel and get the ball rolling first. Or am I wrong? Should I come clean to my mother & cousin first? Or wait until I start HRT etc?

At the moment, I cannot afford to move out, I am currently paying off a large debt from 2 so called friends, who I went into business with and I stitched up!! 😢😭

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Stacey:

I’m happy that you wandered in! From my observation, there are a number of people here who have been is situations similar to what you describe. You are not the first and you won’t be the last, unfortunately.

I don’t have anything to offer regarding whether or not you should come out. You are obviously much closer to the situation and the participants. However, I will talk a bit about the process. The main thing about coming out is that you get to tell YOUR story in the way that you would like it to be told. If you are outed, it is VERY hard to get the narrative back and continue on your own terms. The idea is to speak YOUR truth and not let anyone else try to do it for you. If that happens, what others may say is often driven by their lack of knowledge and prejudice. Ugly situation all around.

What your mother said is a typical reaction. Many people don’t understand that sex and gender are 2 different things. If that is not understood, it leads to the “Are you gay?” questions. Also, the question of seeking counseling often comes up. I didn’t know if there is much discussion about conversion therapy in the UK, but many here think it works. The thing is, it does not. You can’t change ones sexuality or gender identity because it is an inherent part of us.

Back in 2014, 9 founders and/or leaders of ex-gay organizations penned an open letter. You can find the letter here:

https://bornperfect.org/former-ex-gay-leaders/

Sadly, conversion therapy has done more harm than good, as they point out. Anyway, as stated, one cannot change their gender identity or sexuality.

Finally, I encourage you to fill in more of your Profile page. It helps people to understand where you are in your journey and what you are struggling with. Further, it isn’t cast in stone. As things change, both + and -, feel free to update it…

[Autumn]

Hi, Stacey. Nice to meet you. I can relate to quite a bit of what you’ve shared. My whole life I’ve always preferred the friendship of females over males, too. I’ve always just naturally gravitated toward them as far back as I can remember. I was often reminded quite often when I was a kid that I was supposed to be into other things that only boys do. I received my share of dirty looks and rude comments when I joined my High School’s Theatre Club. I was my family’s whipping-boy and they expected me to behave accordingly. So I can understand, and I’m sorry for what you’ve had to endure. Hope the new years turns out to be a wonderful year for you.

 

Big hug.

 

Autumn

[Stacey Jacobs]

[postquote quote=91958]

Hey Autumn,

Thank you for your reply,

I am hoping to see my GP this week, and then 2021 being the start of my new adventure 😉

I am hoping to find some local friends too, that are currently transitioning or have transitioned already, for moral support.

One of my hobbies was Horse Riding, I absolutely loved it and instead of purchasing Male Riding Jodhpurs, I’d always order Female ones, along with other required kit.

I then went to college, to study equestrian and managed to obtain my First Diploma & NVQ Level 1 in Equestrian, half way through my NVQ Level 2, I sadly had a riding accident which cause upper back issues, I had to have a rapid career change!! 😔

Went into motor trade, as I am a bit of a motor nut with cars & trucks. So I worked in the relevant industries ever since.

I am now looking at loosing some weight at the moment too, and getting back into Horse Riding, as it’ll give me another Feminine Interest.

[Autumn]

Sorry to hear about the accident, but glad to hear you’ll be getting back into doing something that you love. So what do you look for for inspiration on your journey? What is inspiring you to be your true self?

[Stacey Jacobs]

My inspiration is being comfortable & confident in who I am and how I feel, by being my true inner self who is bursting to break free.

After feeling that I am locked in the wrong body for years, and trying to act in the way my parents wanted to me to be. I have being speaking to a few Trans Women on Instagram through my male account and they’ve all inspired me that, now is the best time to let my inner self break free. And also they’ve told me, once their treatment started they all felt free, comfortable and confident in themselves.

 

Quote from someone, I’ve been speaking to –

It’s my life, my choice, it’s not about making anyone else in my life happy, as my life isn’t their’s, it’s mine, it’s about living for myself and me being happy, comfortable & confident in who I am. Stay Strong.

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