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Im new to TGH, well i joined maybe a month or so ago and well really did not know where to begin. I think i know where now.
Who am I? My name is Carly and in some way or another i have known im trans for a while but still buried it down. About 3ish months ago i ’embraced’ my transness, not letting it be something i hide away or ignore. It felt so good. I was having issues in my relationship and felt that my partner would not be accepting if my ‘revelation’ so i left when we started another argument. It was difficult to say the least (we have been together for 6ish years and are currently engaged). After a week of being apart i responded to pleas to get back together. It took a lot but sent off an email that to keep it short was “yes i think we can fix a lot of our issues, but i am trans” i bawled my eyes out as i wrote it and sent it.
I was surprised by a ‘what does that mean?’ It was more directed as a personal question than a not undsrstanding what trans is. I did my best to explain but i dont fully know yet. We began to have chats trying to see what we could do. It ended with me pretty much saying ill go back in the closet. It was so soul crushing. We are doing better as a couple minus me feeling like half a person.
While we where apart i shaved my legs and under my arms and i made me feel pretty, soft more like me, even if just alittle.
The week before christmas i moved back and continued to keep up with my shaving routine. I never mentioned i was doing this but as a 37 year old in a long term relationship i figured she had noticed and just didnt say anything. Anyways she noticed yesterday and well needless to say it was not taken well. Im finding it so diffucult to leave this relationship as well i feel like she is my bestfriend and i havent stayed connected to really any of my friends (recently i have reconnected with 2 very good friend and they are priceless in helping me feel confident) covid makes leaving difficult for may reasons. I feel trapped tho i know i just need to rip off the bandaid and i feel like im making excuses.
I just dont know what to do. Im hoping that connections i make here will give me the confidence to do what i need to do.
I have left so much out of this post but i dont have the time right now and i needed to get this out.
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