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I am 58 years old and born male. I have lived my entire life male but never really quite fit in and struggled to be a “normal” male. I grew up in a time and place where being transgendered was unheard of and in my twenties tried to go about adult life and after college got married, started a career, built a home, raised a child and now three decades later have woken up having accomplished all my goals and am wondering who I am. I don’t believe I could ever pass as female having gone through male puberty and having lived my whole life as a man although if I could just wake up one morning and look and sound like a woman I would love to start all over again and try to be a woman full time. It is hard for me to imagine being a woman since I never grew up as a girl and have never had the experience of what it is like to grow up female and be groomed to live an adult life as a woman. Instead I was taught to be a man and after so many decades as a man I think it would be hard to unlearn everything I was taught growing up. At the same time I know my personality is as much female as male and I am more comfortable around women than I am around men. I guess I would describe myself as non-binary but had I been born with female genitalia I know I would have fit in and probably would have been very happy with my life as a girl. My question now is what to do with the rest of my life. I like to dress in feminine clothing in private and want to explore that more. I want to start taking low dose mtf hormones. I don’t care about losing my fertility or ability to get an erection and would love to have more feminine features even if I can’t completely pass as female. I would love to grow breasts but also know that I am not quite ready to give up being able to live as a man in public and don’t know how I would hide breasts. I would love to hear from others who have been through this and could really use a friend who understands. Let me know if you have thoughts or would be willing to talk with me.
Dave aka Maria
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