Hello I am new here

[David Whitney]

I am 58 years old and born male. I have lived my entire life male but never really quite fit in and struggled to be a “normal” male. I grew up in a time and place where being transgendered was unheard of and in my twenties tried to go about adult life and after college got married, started a career, built a home, raised a child and now three decades later have woken up having accomplished all my goals and am wondering who I am. I don’t believe I could ever pass as female having gone through male puberty and having lived my whole life as a man although if I could just wake up one morning and look and sound like a woman I would love to start all over again and try to be a woman full time. It is hard for me to imagine being a woman since I never grew up as a girl and have never had the experience of what it is like to grow up female and be groomed to live an adult life as a woman. Instead I was taught to be a man and after so many decades as a man I think it would be hard to unlearn everything I was taught growing up. At the same time I know my personality is as much female as male and I am more comfortable around women than I am around men. I guess I would describe myself as non-binary but had I been born with female genitalia I know I would have fit in and probably would have been very happy with my life as a girl.  My question now is what to do with the rest of my life. I like to dress in feminine clothing in private and want to explore that more. I want to start taking low dose mtf hormones. I don’t care about losing my fertility or ability to get an erection and would love to have more feminine features even if I can’t completely pass as female. I would love to grow breasts but also know that I am not quite ready to give up being able to live as a man in public and don’t know how I would hide breasts. I would love to hear from others who have been through this and could really use a friend who understands. Let me know if you have thoughts or would be willing to talk with me.

Dave  aka Maria

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Maria:

I think one of the most important things about this site is that people realize they are not alone and that there are many others who have faced, or are facing, the same questions and issues. Above all, it is a journey and not something that gets sorted out in a short period of time. Many have found professional help to be very useful. The human will tend to work to keep things under control and resist change. Left to our own devices, we may avoid or discount topics that we really need to think about. What a good therapist will do is let you process what you’re thinking and what is happening, but not let you skip over the important stuff. One thing that illustrates how the mind works is when we have something distasteful to do or have to talk to someone that we clearly don’t like. Often we will think of all sorts of things to do in order to avoid doing what we need to do.

I think what we all must do is get to that place where we find our groove and that we are comfortable there. It will be different for each of us. For some, nothing short of complete transition will do. For me, I have no plans to physically transition as I don’t have gender dysphoria. However, what I realized 6-7 years ago was that I have always been this amalgam of female and male energies, perspectives and thought processes. As a result, I have essentially transitioned socially. I present as DeeAnn about 90% of the time when I leave my house. I’ve been here in the desert for 5 years and have probably met well over 300 people through clubs, volunteer activities, being a Public Arts Commissioner in my city and political involvements. I am known as DeeAnn. Well, either that of the Hat Lady! Very few have ever met Don. I will present as Don, for example, when an errand will take 30 minutes but it will take me over an hour to get dressed and do makeup. Fortunately I don’t feel bad presenting as Don, but I do prefer to present as DeeAnn. As I said, everyone needs to find that place where they feel comfortable. It may require some compromise, but that’s how it goes.

So, 2 things:

You can search for other members from Washington State by clicking on Social in the menu. There you will see Member Directory. Click on that and it will take you to the search utility.

Also, please complete your Profile page as best you can. It helps other members get a sense of where you are in your journey, how things are going, etc.

[Anonymous]

Welcome, Maria.  I think you will find many here who understand you and what have gone or are going through.

[Author]

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