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Well, that was it. The desire was back and I had plenty of opportunities. So one day my wife found me dressed and wondered why. She never knew about my desire to wear women’s clothes. She said she loved me and would help me get the help I needed to overcome this desire. As I became more into it she became more and more repulsed by it and I began to bury it. Finally, we divorced and I met the woman that became my second wife. She actually helped me bring out my feminine side and I began to dress at home. Then I went out places. Then I was going out places, but trying to hide it from certain others, like family. Then both of us went back to college and I started to transition to full time there. They were mostly accepting. A biology professor told me to continue doing what I was doing because the students need to know that life is not black and white. There was also a sex ed instructor that told me of groups that helped people like me and gave me a number of a hotline that led me to a social group and a therapy group. My second wife said I came out of there with a big smile on my face. I was so surprised and happy to find others like me. I thought I was the only one. Then at the social group, I found out there was over five hundred in the S.F. Bay Area! That was a shock. I just grew from there.
We started going to the monthly socials and getting involved in the club. I became a co-chair for our education committee and scheduled speakers for our monthly meetings between the socials. I also updated the Tip Sheet, with all our helpful resources. My wife kept the library maintained. We did most of this while being homeless, living out of our van.
Then we had to move to another district because our financial aid in that district got messed up because our manager set up more accounts than there was money for under-the-table kickbacks. The new college was wonderful. I came in as a female and my ID was female. Both of us became officers in clubs and at one time we were both senators in the Associated Student Government. Our meetings ran into the night and we would get potty breaks. All the girls headed to the bathroom. I would try to do my business and get out, but one of them would grab me at the mirror station and start asking my opinion about the meeting. So I ended up have this deep convo while checking my makeup, etc. and no one thought anything was strange about it. I was well known because I also worked in the bookstore and saw most of them at the refund counter. I was well-liked and had many votes at election time. In fact, my wife and I had a red tabby that lived in the van with us and she was well known and liked by all too. We would get back to our van and there would be a note: ‘Did you know your cat likes McDonald’s fries?’ Yes. we knew. She liked Jell-O and pudding cups too. Strange loveable cat. But we had a great time and finally got into an apartment nearby. Shortly after that was graduation. My wife came away with four degrees and ten certificates.
Shortly after that, because she was physically disabled, diabetic, and thirteen years older than me (she was born in the year of, but before, the Pearl Harbor attack), she had a small TIA (mild stroke) and lost all the knowledge she had. She even had to ask me how to use the microwave. It was sad. But she seemed to get better. But she wasn’t and a few months later she died. Her heart just stopped. Thirteen years we were together and I was a wreck.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us Reuby. You’ve certainly overcame a lot of personal struggle and tragedy in your life. A lot of this is common among all people and it shows how we are just like everyone else and deserve to give and receive compassion just the same. You’ve given me great courage to persevere at a time when the weight is tremendous, but the rewards will be worth it.
Hugs, Cloe
Thank you, Cloe. Sometimes I still feel like that fascinated little boy going into the hall closet just so he could stand inside his mother’s fur coat and feel the silky lining and smell the perfume. Or that adolescent that tried on the stored dress outside his room for the first time. Sometimes I am just as confused by all this as I was then. But I have come a long way and seen many things. My spirit has experienced the power of the holy spirit in ways I do not believe I have heard of from another believer. Yet in spite of all that I was still deceived and led away and used. I can only hope I have learned a little better to test the spirits and not let that happen again. I think the main thing I have learned is if you are in a relationship that God has ordained and brought together, then don’t leave when hardships come. Persevere and remember why you loved that person in the first place. Hold onto that and just grow from that. That being said, if you are just hurting yourselves by staying together and there is no willingness to understand it may be better to give them their freedom. My problem with my first wife is she told me she was a backslidden Christian wanting to return. After all the trouble and our three children were in the hands of the state, I mentioned that at least they were in the homes of Christians and she blew up and said she only told me that to keep me from witnessing to her. She never was a Christian. Our whole marriage was built on a lie! So when she wanted a divorce I gave it to her happily. You cannot be united with darkness and survive. Now if neither of you was and one does see the light then there is a chance God is doing something. But that was not our case. She lied and we were joined as two believers. I was under the belief she was just a young Christian. There was only my light that was eventually put out with her constant whining. So it all fell apart very easily. With my current wife of eighteen years, I have seen that although we fight and have disagreements our faith has been strengthened by the trials. Each trial makes our root stronger and we are able to stand firm. So if you have a mutual faith, persevere. It will only be strengthened.
With love, Reuby Louise
Hi Reuby…..thank you for sharing part of your life with us. Josey Wales said…..Dying is easy boy…living….now that is hard. The road of life has ups and downs……joy, happiness and of course tragedy. It is not easy. We must remember those who left us, but then……we carry on for new friends and times await down the road of life. And of course….more heart break. Sweetie…you have a pile of new sisters here with us to share the joys and heartbreaks with you.
We are here for you……and each other. Don’t be a stranger….feel free to chat with any and all of us, for we are the Sisterhood!
Love……..
Dame Veronica
Thank you, Dame Veronica. I have definitely had my heartbreaks. First, my first wife starts our relationship on a lie and totally denies me the right to let out my female side. Then I am accused and punished unjustly. Then I finally meet someone that is willing to help me discover who I really am inside and she dies after my transition. Then I begin to heal and find a new love, even more accepting, that is able to chase the darkness away by her love, only to find she is unable to enjoy one of the most enjoyable parts of womanhood because of abuse. Then I finally find my missing three children only to find they hate me because of their mother’s lies. Recently I am beginning to believe I may not be with my current wife long because of the difficulty of her breathing. I am 64, and in one sense that is good because I have become strong to withstand hardship. But bad because I have become physically weaker and my stamina is less. I have no idea how much longer I have, but I have learned to just live. I only hope I can after, and if, I lose my wife, find something worthwhile to do. It is very hard for me to do even the simplest things because of events around the time I was still with my first wife. And having to deal with that and the loss of her is going to be a very hard time for me. So I am trying to build my support network now so I am not completely alone. I now have many online friends from the VL site that I can at least talk to.
I am not sure what there is for me here. But I am open and eager to find out. At the very least I will hopefully make new friends to share with. On the other site, we are all sisters. It is a sisterhood of RP and we are all there for each other. My character’s position there is the daughter of the VP and because of that, she has many relatives, giving her more family than she had before. I hope I can add to my real life family with sisters from here.
With love, Reuby Louise
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