I just don't know

  • Creator
  • #24639
    Vicki Rogers

    Hello Everyone!

    Where to start?
    I live as a male.  I’m married with children and come from a large family with many, many friends of various stripes.  And more often than not, I think I would be happier if I wasn’t a man any more.

    But I love my wife.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  By all accounts, I SHOULD love my life.  But I’ve always had a feminine side.  At times, it feels like it should take over and I should be ‘Vicki’ forever.  And if all those other aspects of my life weren’t there, the decision to do so would almost be a no-brainer.  But, they ARE there. There are people who don’t see me as Vicki, but as that other (male) person.  And they like him.  And they respect him.  In some cases, they revere him.  To remove him from the scene, I fear, would be to hurt them.  And I love them too much to hurt them.

    I’m somewhat at a loss.  Like others here, I came over from CDH.  I’m in the closet.  I hide it, but I need it.  I’m torn between wanting to be ‘true to myself’ and that other life.  That other life is good and I enjoy it.  I feel that I SHOULD be completely satisfied with it… because I can’t find any fault with it at all, save one.  I’m not Vicki when I live that life.

    OK… so that may be a little too deep and philosophical for an introduction, but there it is!  I think I just came here to find others to talk to that may understand what I feel.

    I hope all is well with everyone that reads this.  I look forward to getting to know many of you.


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  • Author
    • #27086
      Terri Anne

      Hi Vicki,

      Welcome to TGH. There are so many that can share with you their journey and exoeriances. Keep reading and chatting – you will make many friends here.

      -Terri Anne

    • #24790

      Hi Vicki……….if the decision to go to TG is causing you grief….perhaps a councillor session or two may help out. By the sounds of it, you have a great deal to loose with family and aquaintenances. Once you transition….you can never go back. Whether your circle will accept this…..is very hard to predict. Up here in the bush there is a saying…….when you are lost….sit down on a log and stay there…UNTIL…you KNOW where you are going.

      I can chat with you about this if you like, my door is always open….but I think a councillor may be your best bet. Stick with the CD first when can until you can formulate a lifetime action.


      Dame Veronica

      Dame Veronica Graunwolf

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #24728


      I, and I am sure so many others here, share your experience and feelings of wanting and needing something deeply for ourselves, but caught up in the dilemma, of how to love and satisfy our own needs, without denying the needs of those we feel responsible to care for. I also struggle greatly, with questions of I can love and care for myself fully, while still loving our significant others. It has only take me 60+ years, to be at a point where I fully accept and love myself for who I am, as well as all I have ever been.

      Please feel free to message me privately if you need a listener who may have similar feelings and experiences.



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