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So the big day finally arrived, on June 1st Lauren moved into her own new residence. No more changing clothes and removing my makeup after work each day, I am now free to be her forever from now on, and it is wonderful!! I had notified the medical clinic where my family doctor is that I am transgender and was transitioning. I recently had a talk with my doctor and he thinks I may actually be intersex. Looking back into my life, I have always had feminine physical characteristics. I had large thighs, a rather large butt for a boy, very tiny male parts and was endowed with A Cup boobs, so I was teased and ridiculed when I was a teen because of those attributes. I was called ‘Muffin butt’, ‘Thunder thighs’, ‘Little sissy’, and many other not so nice insults. H was looking at my age group and said it’s quite possible your mother was on a prescribed medication that was used to ensure safe pregnancies. From 1933 until 1976 this drug, called DES or Diethylstilbestrol, was commonly given to women when pregnant. My mom’s father was a pediatrician so it’s possible he was the one recommending her to take it. It appears that many Boomers, of which age group I was part of, have come out and have been clinically affirmed as being transgender. Basically, while in utero, the fetus was being bathed in massive amounts of estrogen which accounts for the female attributes on a baby AMAB.
Whatever the true story is, my mother passed away over 20 years ago, so I will never know for sure. But the physical attributes I mentioned above have come in handy in providing me with a very nice shape for a girl, something I knew years ago while crossdressing! I used to go and have my nails done while dressed enfemme or have makeovers done, and they always told me I made a much better looking girl than a guy.
So Lauren’s new journey has begun, and so far it has been amazing! One of the joy’s that seems to have occurred is the fact that I actually seem to ‘pass’!! I have been out to eat, gone for coffee, to church, to get groceries, to a pharmacy, a dollar store, buy shoes, buy a new bra and panties, been to MAC and Sephora, tried on a dress, and ride the bus to work every day. My sister and a good friend tell me that I have nothing to worry about as I come across as a real woman in her 50’s, which is what they tell me at work. My voice now comes across as being femininely acceptable and what they’re calling ‘very sweet’. I have had new people come to my desk at work and only see me as a woman. We have a French fellow who comes in every other week to sell cheeses, pate’ and prosciutto, he addressed me as ‘mademoiselle’ and asked me where the other guard went who always bought smoked cheddar…I just smiled.
I will keep everyone posted as I continue on this great adventure into experiencing life as a real woman!
Love you all,
Lauren M
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Hi Lauren
I am exactly the same, can never find anything in my handbag when I need it. I have a pompom attached to my car keys so I can find them in a hurry if I need to. Even then it’s about 8/10 that I find them first attempt!
Another trans friend told me that 80% of transitioning is in the mind. It is learning all the mannerisms, by watching but also by talkin to my female friends who have, without exception, accepted me as “one of the girls”.
I know I don’t exactly “pass”, I can’t get rid of my beard shadow without laser treatment and can’t afford that until my inheritance comes through. I am learning to swing my hip when I walk, take smaller steps and it feels so natural to cross my legs the moment I sit down. I have always felt most comfortable wearing skirts and either tights or stockings. Increasingly the latter with a suspender belt or basque.
I am loving the more confident me,supported by my friends (but not family). Long before I made the leap of faith and came out as Melanie, I would wander into department stores just to look at the lingerie, feel the materials an long to wear it but felt too self-concious to buy anything.
I can’t believe how far I’ve come; now I can browse the bras and suspender belts like any other woman. No-one bats an eye; well maybe those two Asian women in burkhas who were having a sneaky feel of the racier items! I giggled back and that made me feel so good! I order stockings online and plan my outfits. I got so many compliments on my outfit on Sunday (when I like to dress up), that I got quite emotional and there were tears of joy running down my cheeks. That felt good too, that I can express my emotions now in a way I’d never be able to pre Melanie.
It has been, and still is, an enjoyable journey. My next step will be make-up. I have no idea how far I will go with that. I hate touching my eyes with mascara or eyeshadow, they itch quite a bit.
If only I could have come out much sooner!
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Lauren,
I am so happy for you! As you know, it’s not what we look like that matters most (except for the “passing” — congratulations on that!). It’s being who we are, and living as ourselves, that makes life so much more. I hope this continues to be a joy for you, and that you will keep us informed as your “girl world” expands.
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Hi Jane, thank you, and yes, I couldn’t have said it more perfectly! What matters most is being who we are and living as ourselves, and that definitely makes our lives so much more full. I decided to come out and transition where I work, and it has been a very safe and supportive environment to do so. But, everyone there knows about me and is aware that I am a trans woman. Away from work, outside in the great big wide world, it’s very different. Many of the outings I mentioned in my post were with a friend or my sister and their company was appreciated as it just made it easier. This past week has been different as I have been on my own for most of the trips and, although I know I have passed sometimes, I also experienced multiple times where I knew I was being read, but, as you point out, we are who we are and live for ourselves and don’t fret about what people might think or even say. My joy is in the journey, I am now free to live as Lauren after all these years of hiding, and it is wonderful!!! 🙂
Hugs,
Lauren M
I think many don’t know that a significant part of passing has to do with attitude and behaviors. In the past, when I’ve said things to coach others, I’ve reminded people to try to avoid being self-conscious and fidgety. Stop adjusting your clothes every few minutes. Stop looking around to see who is looking at you, etc. It all has to do with the anxiety of the situation and being unsure, but it is one of those things where you have to Fake It Until You Make It.
I do have to laugh at myself sometimes. I carry a backpack to haul my “stuff” around: iPad, iPhone, keys, car fob, lotion, tissues, extra masks, glasses, sunglasses, pens, driver’s license, credit cards, pocket knife, bottle opener and lipstick. I carry the backpack (I have several leather ones that I’ve bought over Etsy over the years) because I carry a cane and it helps to have one hand free. However, the laughter comes in when I’m rummaging through the backpack in order to find the fob. A woman going through her bag searching for something is such a stereotypical event.
Again, time is required to settle into this new reality. It doesn’t happen overnight. It is a Work In Progress…
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Wonderful news, Lauren! I may be contacting you for some pointers – I’m moving into my own place in a few weeks, but sadly, not quite ready for full-time. Soon, but a few deets to put in place.
Congratulations for such an important milestone!!
Hugs,
Brie
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Lauren:
I have seen discussions about DES on various forums. The parallel for me is when people discovered another drug that was prescribed during pregnancy was also very harmful: Thalidomide. In both cases, it appeared that the drug did what it was intended to do, but it took a long time before the possible consequences were understood. It’s interesting that both drugs were roughly in the same time frame: 1933-1976 for DES and 1940-1971 for Thalidomide. It also speaks to the requirements for drug testing back then. Fortunately we have learned a lot since then.
Good Luck to you!!
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Oh Lauren, Welcome to my world and the joy that comes with all of the wonderful parts of Intersex. I am almost an exact copy of my mom (more in my profile). There was always a question about DES being given to my mom during my development but she couldn’t remember anything about that time and there were no records left. Congrats on the move and new life. Safe Journey, Marg
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