Longing for Lauren

[Lauren Mugnaia]

“The Woman Inside, Lauren’s Journey”

I truly wish I could tell you, how many times, through my life, that I have longed for Lauren. I’ve always known her, but to be her, to experience the joy that I have finally found in living as her, as the person that I felt I was from the very beginning. As I have already said in an earlier post, you can’t understand being transgender unless you are transgender!
There is no going back!
The true joy, the happiness, the freedom to be my true feminine self, the feeling is quite impossible to explain as there really is nothing to compare it with.
The people I work with tell me they don’t recall seeing me smile before I transitioned. Now I never stop smiling! Many staff have told me they stop on their way in to their offices just to chat with me, to see the joy and happiness on my face. I’m told that I literally glow and my eyes never stop twinkling.
I have a collection of old school class pictures going all the way back to grade one, in every one I never smiled. Mister serious they used to call me, LOL. If they only knew.
I’ve always hated having my picture taken, and never liked looking in the mirror – unless it was her, Lauren, looking back at me.
It is fascinating to finally be living ‘on the other side’ and experience life as a woman. I know I’ve lost some male friends, but my relationships with female friends and co-workers has blossomed! I wouldn’t go back to being a guy for anything.
I have a wonderful relationship with my sister and a much easier and more natural relationship with other women. I get to compliment women on their clothes, shoes, hair color, or manicures now, something no “guy” can ever do, except maybe to his Mom, sister, wife, or girlfriend. And it really feels so nice, to just be able to talk to women more naturally, without seeming creepy which would likely happen if you tried having a conversation like this as a guy.
I love it, to be able to talk to my women friends about women-stuff, like, “Who did your nails? They’re amazing!” Or, “how does someone choose between a dress or a skirt and top” Or preference for tights or leggings, flats or heels? Or, “Why are there so many different types and styles of bras?”
I now have the confidence to go anywhere as Lauren, after all, I am Lauren. People at work tell me I present as a very pretty classy lady, always dressed in a tasteful manner. Ask me how that makes me feel. It feels absolutely marvelous!
Just a recap for those who haven’t been following my journey thus far. A little over six months ago, I suffered a major gender identity crisis, and within seconds, of experiencing intense clarity, I knew without any doubt who I truly was, Lauren, and I had been dealing with gender dysphoria all along. At that point I knew I was facing gender transition, that has taken place and I am now living and working as Lauren, a trans woman.
I am looking forward to my life as Lauren, she is a wonderful artist, poet, writer and photographer, and my artist friends tell me they can’t wait to see what she comes up with! There is an local annual artist gathering happening very soon, and I will be taking advantage of the event to introduce Lauren to those who have not met her.

Love and lots of hugs to all my girl friends

Lauren

[Kelly]

What a truly beautiful story. I can just see and hear the euphoria in your words.

[Anonymous]

I would walk arm in arm with you  down the street and we would have such a wonderful time. The energy that flows from you is contagious. Thank you. Hugs Katie

[Brielle]

Hi Lauren, I’m so thrilled for you! I had a great experience Saturday evening at our local Meetup gropu meeting in Pittsburgh. There’s a transman who I’ve known since I joined last October, his freind Wendy a transwoamn who is very shy and Autistic, and his current interest, Fox, a very self-confident transwoman just starting their journey, but very comfortable with themselves (at least outwardly).

Anyway, we were all talking about Autism and ADD/ADHD (we all deal with these in one way or another), but then Fox complemented me on my glasses, and a few minutes later, they all commented on how natural and comfortable Brielle is with herself. And it is true! Just the last couple of weeks, I’ve just got this inner confidence that is oozing out. My walk is more feminine (even when I’m not dressed in feminine clothes). I observed myself sitting more upright and leaning in to converse and engage. It wasn’t somnething I was forcing, it just was happening!

I know I can deal with the “gud ole boys” in my office and I am almost ready for full-time now. Thanks for giving me such hope. It’s not about being feminine – it’s about being our true selves. That’s where the twinkle in the eyes and the natural smiles come from, GF!

Hugs and kisses,

Brie

[Lauren Mugnaia]

Hi Brie, 🙂 It is truly wonderful when Brie takes control, and when Lauren does the same thing! It is so wonderful to be totally free to be the girls we were born as. It is so amazing, at work they all say how much difference they see in me, not only do I smile more, now I get the giggles, very femme giggles I might add. 🙂 And my mannerisms have everyone amazed as they talk with me – where did that come from? Don’t answer, I already know, they were always there but weren’t yet set free. I’m so happy to hear from you about your own journey, We have an amazing set of paths ahead of us, and we can both walk down them with our hearts full of joy and our heads held high!

Hugs and kisses right back at ya, 🙂

Lauren M

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