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“The Woman Inside, Lauren’s Journey”
I truly wish I could tell you, how many times, through my life, that I have longed for Lauren. I’ve always known her, but to be her, to experience the joy that I have finally found in living as her, as the person that I felt I was from the very beginning. As I have already said in an earlier post, you can’t understand being transgender unless you are transgender!
There is no going back!
The true joy, the happiness, the freedom to be my true feminine self, the feeling is quite impossible to explain as there really is nothing to compare it with.
The people I work with tell me they don’t recall seeing me smile before I transitioned. Now I never stop smiling! Many staff have told me they stop on their way in to their offices just to chat with me, to see the joy and happiness on my face. I’m told that I literally glow and my eyes never stop twinkling.
I have a collection of old school class pictures going all the way back to grade one, in every one I never smiled. Mister serious they used to call me, LOL. If they only knew.
I’ve always hated having my picture taken, and never liked looking in the mirror – unless it was her, Lauren, looking back at me.
It is fascinating to finally be living ‘on the other side’ and experience life as a woman. I know I’ve lost some male friends, but my relationships with female friends and co-workers has blossomed! I wouldn’t go back to being a guy for anything.
I have a wonderful relationship with my sister and a much easier and more natural relationship with other women. I get to compliment women on their clothes, shoes, hair color, or manicures now, something no “guy” can ever do, except maybe to his Mom, sister, wife, or girlfriend. And it really feels so nice, to just be able to talk to women more naturally, without seeming creepy which would likely happen if you tried having a conversation like this as a guy.
I love it, to be able to talk to my women friends about women-stuff, like, “Who did your nails? They’re amazing!” Or, “how does someone choose between a dress or a skirt and top” Or preference for tights or leggings, flats or heels? Or, “Why are there so many different types and styles of bras?”
I now have the confidence to go anywhere as Lauren, after all, I am Lauren. People at work tell me I present as a very pretty classy lady, always dressed in a tasteful manner. Ask me how that makes me feel. It feels absolutely marvelous!
Just a recap for those who haven’t been following my journey thus far. A little over six months ago, I suffered a major gender identity crisis, and within seconds, of experiencing intense clarity, I knew without any doubt who I truly was, Lauren, and I had been dealing with gender dysphoria all along. At that point I knew I was facing gender transition, that has taken place and I am now living and working as Lauren, a trans woman.
I am looking forward to my life as Lauren, she is a wonderful artist, poet, writer and photographer, and my artist friends tell me they can’t wait to see what she comes up with! There is an local annual artist gathering happening very soon, and I will be taking advantage of the event to introduce Lauren to those who have not met her.
Love and lots of hugs to all my girl friends
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