Looking for some advice

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  • #6270
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello everyone I have been struggling with my gender identity for a long time now I am looking for some advice. A little about me I am currently married with a 7 year old. My wife is my best friend and has been for about 15 years. We have been married for about 8 years. We get along great we sometimes have our disagreements but we always talk it out. She is the onewho pushed me to explore this side of me. She however has made it very clear that if I was to transition to being a woman she would still be my best friend bytbut we would no longer be married. She has told me thatwethat we could share the house and I would still have a relationship with our daughter. A big part of me wants to pressue this. But another part doesn’t want to risk and possibly loose what I have with her. We have grown together both emotionally and physically and in every possible way you with another person. I feel like I cant be happy either way I go. I feel like either way I go a part of me will be unhappy. Any advice would be amazing.  Kind of feel like im getting to the end ofmy rope here. Thanks 🙂

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    • #52565

      i have come terms with my x dressing and so has my wife. as long as she don’t see me and son is at work in which still lives at home, i can dress up.  wife has seen me getting dressed up while she had to tell me something then leave the room.  for me i would not loose what i have if i was you. too much to loose, try talking to wife and see if you can dress up when no one is home like me.  like others had said also would be a good start, see a counselor, or becoming gender neutral, in which you can be both.   that is a touchy situation tho.  its too late in the years to change sex . but don’t get me wrong or take my advice either. just saying

      • #52579

        I agree with Cloe.  It is not even remotely too late for Laura to transition.  I’m not advocating/pushing for Laura to transition…just saying that she has many, many years ahead of her.  But it is a personal choice of course.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #52578
        Miss Cloé
        MANAGING AMBASSADOR

        I know a lady who has SRS at age 74.  Not sure it’s ever “too late” to be yourself.  But that is a personal choice yet sometimes taken away by medical conditions.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #28092
      Anonymous

      Hey i know its been a while but i just wanted to say thank you all for all your kind words and support. I have decided to make the transition to being a woman but unfortunately it has ended my marriage. Although my marriage is ending my wife and i are staying best friends and she is still one of my biggest supporters nd always will be.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #28084
      Anonymous

      I may be quite late to the party, so I apologize if this comes far too late, but…
      Elizabeth, have you ever considered the possibility of becoming gender neutral? Where you are both female and male and neither all at once? Some also refer to this as Androgynous. It might be something to consider and look into. I know that sometimes I wish I could just live as a person instead of assigning a gender role to myself. I also know that it is extremely difficult to accomplish this when the world tends to shove a label on you without your consent. It helps if you can achieve an androgynous appearance, where you look like you could be either male or female, much like seeing an aqua marine shade that is sort of right between blue and green. It also helps if you have the attitude to match, where you can fit easily into both feminine and masculine behaviors. If someone asks you what gender you are, you can simply say “I’m just me!”. It’s something that I’ve considered for myself and am still toying with the idea of. I hope this helps, if not you, then maybe someone else who stumbles across it.

    • #9855

      I’m just coming to terms with the depth of this part of myself, and my wife has been very supportive.  I wouldnt have even understood the depth of my feelings if not for her suggesting how to explore it.  However, it has taken a major toll on her and our marriage.  This transition has caused me to question my sexual feelings, and I feel I need her to be a guide to help me explore my femininity rather than a lover.  This is very hard for her to accept after 10 years of a relationship and four children.  A part of me feels that I could forgo a surgical change to stay with her, but she doesnt think she can accept me as her wife.

    • #6671
      Anonymous

      Thank you everyone for your comments just a few questions that I wanted to let people know. My wife and I have talked about me transitioning and we kind of left it up to me that if I wanted to go that rought that counseling would be the first step. I have got myself into counseling for a number of issuses but honestly I feel like I am being ripped in half. Half wants to be a woman the other wants to stay a man. What made it so you felt thst the risks outweights the benifits or made you decide to go that route?  I am trying thing’s out slowly like painting my nails and light makeup to see if it is what I want when I can that is. My counseler told me it is really up to me but I feel like I have been struggling with this for so long a decision is needed before I louse my mind lol.

    • #6521

      Hi Elizabeth. I read your plea last night and as I lay awaiting for sleep to fall….I puzzled over your situation…..so many scenarios of possibilities. I am a bit at a loss for advice this time.  All I can say is……….think this choice thru very carefully. It will cost you in your current relationship…..just how much….cannot tell. At face value….it seems like it might be ok. Sweetie…..all I can suggest is ……”Be True to Yourself First”. Being unhappy with yourself will cause others to be unhappy too. Be honest and upfront at all times….others may not like it but it is the truth…no repercussions can come back to haunt you. I wish you and your family all the best and happiness with your decision.

      Your Sister……….

      Dame Veronica

      Dame Veronica Graunwolf

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #6486

      I too am in a similar boat. My wife has made it clear there would be ni future with is. I long to be a woman but of i go the doctor and go onto hrt then straight away our marriage would be over. I have been researching herbs like ouera mirifixa and see that they coukd work albeit mich slower. Has anyone tried this at all and do herbs work or would i simoly be wasting my money

      many thanks

      alana

      • #52564

        Hi Alana, you bring up an interesting question. I have no experience with herbal plant based products, I have talked to a few that have and some got some decent results with it. I considered it myself, but my thoughts were why spend a ton of money on maybes to transition slowly and maybe not at all. For me the answer was simple, transition is a slow process anyhow. So either do it right or just wait till i truely knew i wanted it. I start HRT next week. Just my thoughts. Traci

    • #6355

      Hello again Elizabeth,

      I can certainly understand your dilemma now because last night my wife and I had a similar conversation. Our difference is that she doesn’t know if she would leave if I transitioned. The possibility does exist that she might leave and she did offer for me to pursue transitioning or just HRT. My heart leaped for joy and I did cry but I know I need to go through counseling before I make that major decision and I would want my wife to participate in counseling with me. This affects more than yourself and I think you know this. I would encourage you to seek counseling and to work towards joint counseling with your wife so you both are on the same page. Especially when you have a daughter who you obviously love very much. If you want to chat PM me. TTFN💋👠

      Danielle

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #6333
      Jasmine
      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Elizabeth, can you put yourself in her shoes, which I am sure you have, but for this question, look at your relationship from her point of view. What would you do? What do you want from a partner? And is living as a woman truly what you want?

    • #6312
      Miss Cloé
      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Elizabeth, it takes a lot of selfless love for a woman to want you to be happy and explore a change like this.  Have you talked to her about the feelings you describe; wanting to pressure vs the fears?  How about a counselor?  Living in fear can have other consequences to your health.  Let them help you.

    • #6292

      Hello and welcome Elizabeth,

      I am not sure advice is what you need at this point. It is what you want but your situation is very complex and advice at this juncture would be premature. I truly wish I could give you the advice you seek but you should think about a counselor to first help you figure out if you want to be a woman, transitioning is a big step and is not reversible. After you figure that out the rest should fall into place. I am not a counselor but it seems to me this would be a reasonable first step. Others who know more than I may have a different opinion and I apologize ahead of time if I am pointing you in the wrong direction. You will need to weigh all responses to choose your direction. I do so hope you can find your true self and

      • #6294

        Sorry I had a glitch. I was going to end at self. Take care

        Danielle

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